The history of American comic books is littered with cautionary tales about going back to a certain well too often. Today’s edition is a case in point, but will it be genius or cheese sandwich? Your Major Spoilers Retro Review of Ultimate Fantastic Four #1 awaits!

ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR #1

Writer: Brian Michael Bendis and Mark Millar
Penciler: Adam Kubert
Inker: Danny Miki
Colorist: Dave Stewart
Letterer: Chris Eliopoulos
Editor: Ralph Macchio
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Cover Price: $2.25
Current Near-Mint Pricing: $5.00
Release Date: January 2, 2004

Previously in Ultimate Fantastic Four: The formation of the Ultimate Marvel Universe was a complete fluke beginning with the release of Ultimate Spider-Man circa 2000. Initially conceived as a way to get new readers without the pesky bonds of continuity, USM was an absolute smash with readers. (Of course, the intent of making things less complicated and continutized immediately went out the window when the first arc took six issues to retell an eleven-page story, but that’s neither here nor there.) Spidey was quickly joined by Ultimate X-Men, the Avengers retelling of The Ultimates, and an Ultimate Marvel Team-Up book that was quickly declared non-canon. But by 2004, it was clearly time for Marvel’s First Family to arrive late to the Ultimate party.

Our story starts with one of the most puzzling scenes I’ve ever read in comics as the central hero of UFF, Reed Richards, is born. The newborn Baby Fantastic is fascinated by his mother’s blonde hair, reaching out and grabbing a handful and staring in adoration. It’s… It’s creepy. Aside from the impossibility of it, Kubert and Miki make baby Reed a blood-curdling homunculus, and then we smash-cut to… a bathroom!
The group of bullies tormenting the by then ten-year-old Reed immediately regret it, as best friend Ben Grimm roughs them all up for giving pal Reed a swirly in the toilet. But the real unpleasantness happens when they reach the Richards’ home, where Reed’s brutish, abrasive father accosts him for getting beaten up, blames Reed for the bullies’ aggression towards him, and dismisses his son when he tries to defend himself. Pops Richards then turns and praises Ben for his football prowess, even inviting “The Grimm Reaper” to stay for dinner, while Reed hides in his room.

Then, the real child abuse begins.
As a storytelling device, there’s nothing wrong with the “Abusive Dad” as a character trope, but in the Marvel Universe, it has become a recurring cliche. Charles Xavier, Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, and more developed their intellects/morals/multiple personalities from having a boneheaded father, with Peter Parker only escaping the paradigm because his father died. Gary Richards is an absolutely irredeemable character from the get-go, and I’m not sure what it’s supposed to add to Mr. Fantastic’s character. He’s a genius regardless of the universe, though, as demonstrated when he excitedly tells Ben what he found when disassembling the toaster.
While Reed tinkers with his portal to the N-Zone, sending a few toys through to test his inventions, Ben gets help with his trig homework, completing the circle of fictional nerd/jock life. An unspecified amount of time later, though, his father isn’t anywhere near as entertained by his son’s big ideas as Ben was.
Cut forward several months, and young master Richards is showing off his science fair project, a rudimentary teleportation device (!!) which gets the attention of Willie Lumpkin, an agent of an unspecified federal agency in charge of brilliant young minds. Lumpkin approaches the Richards family with an offer: Reed comes to work for them in the Baster Building, and in return, the family gets a stipend for his work. It’s a win/win for Gary, as he gets richer and loses the son he clearly loathes, while Reed is excited to meet his new peers… especially the golden-haired daughter of his new teacher, Professor Storm.

And the Professor has some questions for him about the N-Zone.
The final panel is the icing on the cake of things that just DO NOT work in this issue. Normally, I like the art of Adam Kubert, but the facial expression in that last panel says “Gomer Pyle” a lot more than it does “excited genius.” The coloring doesn’t do the seemingly rushed art any favors, painting everything with overly saturated oranges, blues, and greens, adding digital lighting effects and gradients that scream out The Year Two-Thousand. All in all, Ultimate Fantastic Four #1 feels mean-spirited to the founder of the FF, cementing abuse tropes and a bratty little sister to his back story, giving us a terrible Oedipal foundation for his attraction to his wife, and just generally feeling slapdash, rounding out an off-putting 1 out of 5 stars overall.

Postscript: This Reed Richards has since become a genocidal villain known as The Maker, which honestly feels a lot more true to the events that this issue depicts since none of it feels even tangentially related to the Fantastic Four.

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