This month, Rand Bellavia takes a look at his growing longbox, and reflects on comics released in December 1980, 1985, 1990, 1995, 2000, 2005, 2010, and 2015!

Rand Bellavia is back to share his fond memories of decades of comic collecting and reading in this month’s Random Access Memory.

December 1980

CRAZY 71

Marvel’s Crazy was the RC Cola of 70s humor magazines. Even the mascot seemed off. Mad had the genuinely famous Alfred E. Newman. Cracked‘s Sylvester P. Smythe was a pale imitation, but at least they were playing the same sport. Crazy launch with a similar concept — Irving Nebbish, whose name was perhaps a bit too on the nose — but (as this cover demonstrates) Irving was no match for the suspiciously violent Obnoxio the Clown.

I should admit that I can’t seem to get my hands on this physical issue, and it does not appear to exist in a digital format. I recall that this issue’s parodies were of The Blues Brothers movie and WKRP in Cincinnati. There was also a recurring feature where they would juxtapose two panels — one representing the fantasy and the other the reality. I found these more disturbing than I suspect was intended.

What really sticks in my head is “Marvel Super Heroes That Didn’t Make It” bit. This was an excuse to dump a bunch of half-baked juvenile super hero concepts like Captain Armenia and the Incredible Wino. But I was there for Refrigerator Man.

Pretty dumb stuff, but 11 year old me would have proudly presented that to the Algonquin Round Table.

Comics I Read From December 1980

Avengers 205
Captain America 255
Cerebus 23
Daredevil 169
Ka-Zar the Savage 1
Marvel Team-Up 103
Moon Knight 5
Peter Parker the Spectacular Spider-Man 52
Uncanny X-Men 143

December 1985

SWAMP THING 46

Touted as a “Special Crisis Cross-Over,” this issue of Swamp Thing had John Constantine say, “Cor blimey! The sky is red,” and then moved on with the American Gothic storyline.

After several “monster of the month” issues, Constantine finally lets Swamp Thing know that this has all been the work of the Brujeria. Who are they, you ask?

The worst thing is… well, a lot worse.

Eventually, Constantine’s personality was fleshed out in his own comics, movies, and TV shows, but at this point he was simply a mysterious and unflappable dude who jerked Swamp Thing around. Having him break down here was a highly effective way to let the reader know how high the stakes were.

He quickly recovers his cool and goes back to losing his patience with Swamp Thing’s ignorance.

So, it’s not so much that Alan Moore ignored the Crisis as he made it clear that the entire multiverse-shattering Crisis event was small change compared to what was going on in his comic.

Comics I Read From December 1985

Amazing Spider-Man 274, 275
Aquaman 2
Avengers 265
Cerebus 81
Coyote 16
Crisis on Infinite Earths 12
Daredevil 229
Epic Illustrated 34
Incredible Hulk 317
Mage 10
Marvel Fanfare 25
Miracleman 4
One 4
Peter Parker the Spectacular Spider-Man 112
Punisher 3
Secret Wars II 9
Six from Sirius 2 2
Solomon Kane 4
Vigilante 27
Vision and the Scarlet Witch 6, 7
Web of Spider-Man 13
West Coast Avengers 7
Wonder Man 1
X-Factor 2

December 1990

DOOM PATROL 41

Having decided that they’ve spent enough time in an alternate reality observing a centuries old religious war, Rebis suggests a way to end the conflict.

You see where this is going, right?

Apparently, if you fight for your beliefs long and hard enough, it’s no big deal to abandon those beliefs in pursuit of victory. (In 1990 I thought this was cynicism.)

I get the sense that this is a metaphor of some kind.

Meanwhile, we find out that the Judge Rock is a supporting character from an old, familiar story.

Rebis tries to explain how they are all finally free, but…

Things move in a sadly familiar direction.

To save you a trip to IMDB, it’s John Cazale. He acted in only five feature films before dying of lung cancer. All five films (The Godfather Parts I and II, The Conversation, Dog Day Afternoon, and The Deer Hunter) received Best Picture Academic Award nominations, giving him the greatest batting average in the history of cinema.

Rebis remains philosophical, and Cliff remains Cliff.

December 1995

INVISIBLES 17

Entropy in the U.K. begins with King Mob being tortured, and we learn that the story of the Invisibles crosses multiple multiverses as two of King Mob’s alter-egos are presented: Kirk Morrison and Gideon Stargrave. Horror novelists Kirk Morrison is a thinly-veiled Grant Morrison and Gideon Stargrave is a thinly-veiled Jerry Cornelius (one of Michael Moorcock’s Eternal Champion characters). Stragrave also happens to be the main character of the first comic ever written (and also illustrated) by Grant Morrison, way back in 1978.

Having been shot before his torture began, King Mob is in bad shape.

This whole “crossing over into other universes, including our own” vibe is very clever and all, but this ended up being a two-way street, as shortly after this comic was published, Grant Morrison suffered from a facial abscess (similar to the one imaged above) and a collapsed lung. Morrison wisely put the book on hiatus and when they brought it back, the narrative treated King Mob a lot better.

Interspersed throughout these torture scenes, we get glimpses of Gideon Stargrave’s adventures (as written by Kirk Morrison) and flash back to King Mob’s last meeting with Elfayed, who shares a brilliant metaphor for the consumptive nature of humanity.

Later the caterpillar metaphor returns, in case you didn’t get the point the first time.

Comics I Read from December 1995

Archangel 1
Captain America 448
Carnage: Mind Bomb 1
Cerebus 201
Daredevil 349
Doc Samson 2
Doctor Strange 86
Egypt 7
Eightball 16
Flash 110
Hate 21
Hellblazer 98
Impulse 11
Incredible Hulk 438
Kurt Busiek’s Astro City 5
Palookaville 8
Preacher 11
Punisher Kills the Marvel Universe
Seekers: Into the Mystery 2
Shade the Changing Man 68
Starman 16
Swamp Thing 163
Untold Tales of Spider-Man 6
Wildcats 25

December 2000

PROMETHEA 12

It’s no mystery that I am in love with Grant Morrison’s ideas and their point of view, but no one can touch Alan Moore when it comes to pure craft. Grant Morrison is absolutely my favorite comic book writer, but Alan Moore is — technically speaking — the best writer in comics.

This issue of Promethea displays an almost frightening level of craft.

Each of these pages includes a Tarot card in the center, a large word or phrase spelled out in otherworldly Scrabble pieces, a poem in the middle, and a panel of Aleister Crowley telling a story/joke at the bottom.

The Major Arcana has 22 cards. Guess how many pages a typical comic book has?

Each one of these pieces works as a separate work of art (and J.H. Williams III’s art is outstanding), but when read together, it is stunning.

As Crowley tells his joke, he ages from birth to death, often moving from left to right across the bottom of the page.

And just in case you didn’t already figure it out, the Scrabble pieces (each of which define or explain the card on each page, which is further fleshed out by the poem) are 22 different anagrams of “Promethea.”

December 2005

PLASTIC MAN 20

This is the last issue of Kyle Baker’s Plastic Man run, which has recently been collected and republished. This final story found Plastic Man kind of pushed out of the way so Baker could do a series of humorous riff’s on famous DC moments. This issue features a ton of guest stars, as heroes gather for the funeral of Billy Batson.

Baker tries to have it both ways, making fun of the excesses of (then) modern super hero comics, while also indulging in them — most obviously with the oversexed nature of the characters.

We get a pretty great riff on the Batman/Superman fight from the end of the Dark Knight Returns.

And we end in heaven, with Billy Batson as yet another dead hero who inexplicably becomes the Spirit. I think this might be a Kingdom Come reference as well.

December 2010

NEW AVENGERS 7

Before James Gunn got famous he wrote the screenplay for a criminally underwatched super hero movie called The Specials. It’s about the world’s seventh-best super hero team. It’s shot like an Office-style mockumentary: scenes of them sitting around while the more popular teams do all the real work are intercut with fourth-wall breaking “confessional” interview segments. The main plot driver is that the team is finally getting action figures. I’m not doing a great job of selling this, but it’s great, and James Gunn himself has a surprisingly great turn as the shrinking hero Minute Man. The running gag is that everyone keeps mispronouncing his name. (“Am I wearing a tri-cornered hat? Think, people!”)

Gunn said he came up with the idea for the script while he was watching My Dinner With Andre and found himself thinking “You know what would make this movie better? If they were wearing super hero costumes.”

Here we have a great example of Brian Michael Bendis doing what he does best: making a bunch of people in super hero costumes sit around and talk. Many pages are devoted to super heroes being “interviewed” about their ability to serve as Luke Cage and Jessica Jones’ nanny. Here are some of the more entertaining panels:

Just as Luke and Jessica are about to give up, Squirrel Girl saves the day.

There’s also this very weird exchange between Squirrel Girl and Wolverine:

And Wong demonstrates that he’s much more Alfred than Jarvis:

December 2015

THE SHERIFF OF BABYLON 1

Before Mister Miracle and Strange Adventures, Tom King and Mitch Gerads teamed up for this Vertigo series, which was based on Tom King’s experiences as a counterintelligence officer in Iraq.

We meet Christopher as he puts himself in harm’s way in an attempt to diffuse a potentially violent situation.

The use of black panels with “BANG.” in white letters is a hauntingly effective way of communicating the sudden shock of gun fire in a medium without audio.

Opening in this manner makes us unsure if Christopher is completely out of his element or if he is the only normal person left in an insane world.

We also spend time with Nassir, who has lost three daughters to the war.

He has captured three Americans.

Nassir is a broken man, seeking balance as much as (or even more than) revenge.

Clearly this is going to be a nuanced tale. While his actions are those of the “enemy,” Nassir is written as a man with understandable motivations. In the wake of the 9/11 attacks, any attempt to understand the humanity of our enemy was dismissed as bleeding heart weakness. Through Christopher and Nassir, King and Gerads show us that this is incorrect.

God help us if trying to save the life of a child is weak. And embracing Nassir’s humanity is far from comforting. Dismissing Nassir as an inhuman monster — complete with conveniently evil motivations — is the more comforting (and far weaker) idea.

It is clear that doing this terrible thing hurts Nassir. But he pushes through that pain to avenge his lost loved ones. Of course this vengeance is nonsensical. Killing these men will not bring his daughters back. Moreover, these are not the men who killed his daughters. They merely look like them. This is both horrifying and familiar.

Learning that there are no monsters doesn’t mean that there’s nothing under our bed. It just means that it could any one of us hiding there.

RANDom Access Memory – December 2020

December 1980