Worst Costumes
Top Five is a show where the hosts categorize, rank, compare, and stratify everything… from cars to gadgets to people and movies. From stuff that is hot, and things that are not nearly as interesting – it’s Top Five.
One of our readers reminded us that we have talked about our top five best costumes, and suggested we rank our top five worst costumes. Request granted!
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Wolverine is a Munchkin … I love it!
5. The Stalone movie Dredd costume. That codpiece ugh, to follow up on the point about fashion designers Versarci had a hand in this crime against good design.
4. Carol Danvers as Warbird. I just don’t understand what they were thinking taking a tough, super competent cosmic power house and having her dress like a stripper.
3. Rachel Summers in her hound costume. A teenage girl in high heel shoes and leather bondage gear, there is not enough yuck in the world.
2. Hulks big gun from the ninetys. Not strictly a costum but oh good lord was that anoying, the Hulk is basicly a walking talking nuke what possible use could he have for a gun even a really big one?
1. Dazzler. Not sparkly disco Dazzler or eighties blue jump suit Dazzler or current boring white suit Dazzler, I’m ok with them, but the previous exploding crotch motif Dazzler not only was it a hideous costume but it also stuck around for ages because no one at marvel was interested enough in Dazzler to change it.
5. Judge Dredd–Because Carlos Ezquerra must have seen a welder with cape sleeves and said to himself, “Oh, I only need to put armour on the shoulders.”
4. SuperGirl–You can fly. Most of the masses cannot, so they look up at you. Like, right underneath you. You wear mini-skirts. I think Ab Fab said it best: ‘One snap of my fingers and I can raise hemlines so high the whole world’s your gynecologist.”
3. Galactus–The helmet. Do I need to say more?
2. The Destroyer–A blue goblin mask and striped leotards. I have to admit, I haven’t read the first comic to know if he was hiding out in a theater warehouse and this is the best he could do. If this doesn’t explain why he looks this way, then it deserves to be on this list.
1. Plastic Man–A red one-piece “bathing suit” with strings holding close the cleavage. Perfect for a busty gal. On a skinny guy with goggles? Shudder.
5. Jean Grey’s costume from the Xmen cartoon. The nude-colored unitard with the blue V shape in the middle, no boots, and those weird thigh pouch/lumps. So confusing for a child to figure that thing out. How do you get in and out of it? Psychic powers?
4. Nooj from Final Fantasy X. Basically a zippered crimson striped onsie with lavender and coral colored accessories, fur and a completely asymmetrical design.
And straps. Straps everywhere.
3. Tingle from the Zelda games. Creepy, creepy outfit dude. D:
2. The green lantern costume from the movie with the weird muscle texture.
1. Tie between Ivy and Voldo from Soul Calibur. Ivy has her perpetually corseted, nothing-to-the-imagination bondage gear and Voldo undulates and in Soul Calibur 5 he scuttles around with a codpiece that looks like a tarantulas face.
5. Hank Pym as Yellowjacket. I just really really really hate those shoulder fin things. Other than that, it’s just an ok costume. But those freaking shoulder fins man.
4. The original Ms. Marvel costume. Not the Warbird costume that was previously mentioned in a comment, but the even worse costume that was mentioned in the podcast. It’s on my list for exactly the reasons that were mentioned. It’s just a slutty female version of Captain Marvel’s costume. It’s downright shameful, especially as a fan of the character.
3. The classic Hawkeye costume. Probably going to get a lot of flak for this choice, but seriously, I do not get this costume. He has a purple and blue suit with wolverine ear things on his mask, a loinclothy crotch covering thing and A FREAKING ‘H’ ON HIS FOREHEAD! None of this says “stealthy archer guy” to me. I get that it’s iconic, but iconic doesn’t always mean good.
2. Pre-New 52 Captain Cold. This one actually makes me laugh. It’s a blue parka with a pointy hood and those slitted snow goggles. It’s so bad that I actually kind of love it…
1. Vampirella. Surprised this one hasn’t been mentioned. It’s far worse than Red Sonja’s. I mean considering that the only place on her costume where there’s enough fabric for her emblem is on her groin… well I think that’s all I need to say about that.
here is my list. Inspector Gadget, Power Girl, General Zod in Superman II, Captain America, the care bears
Everyone has pretty much covered most of mine. I don’t know if I can pick a full top 5 without significant duplication (and before I have to go to work). But I can contribute at least a couple.
Kraven the Hunter: Leopard print leggings are not a good look for anyone. And then he’s got all that furry stuff around his shoulders, and his vest gives him the “eyeballs on the chest” look. And he’s often wearing ballet shoes with it.
Starfire: Okay, this is more about a certain category of costume than Starfire in particular, but she consistently falls into it. I’m cool with sexy, and I know minimalist costumes are a thing – at least for women. But when a costume requires both (1) the serious (but plainly miniature) anti-grav boosters in the boobage area AND (2) at least three yards of toupee tape to hold it in place, it is not a practical costume.
The Creeper: What’s with the red furry cape thing? Is it supposed to be an orangutan pelt? Nothing in nature is that red or shaggy. To me it just looks weird, and like he’s got the worst case of back hair ever.