They solemnly swore to faithfully execute the office of masked mystery man, and punch all manner of evil!  Welcome to Ten Things: Ten Super Presidents!

Whooshman-Bicarbonate Films, in conjunction with An Amateur Comics Historian and President James Norcross, whose secret identity may be the most obvious in masked vigilante history, Presents:

TEN THINGS: TEN SUPER PRESIDENTS!

36) SUPER LBJ

The star of his own one-shot comic book circa 1966, Super LBJ is the leader of the Group Resigned to End All Threats, or G.R.E.A.T. Society (named for Johnson’s namesake domestic programs enacted during his presidency.)  With the standard Kryptonian powerset, Super LBJ fought not only threats like Kruschev and Castro, but the mysterious Bobman, who wants to take over the team.  (Bobman and his sidekick Teddy are Robert and Ted Kennedy, who were considered heirs to the Democratic party during that era.)

Though technically an underground comics it’s hardly counterculture, and portrays Johnson in a mostly positive light.

37) NUMBER ONE

The nefarious mastermind behind an attempt to overthrow the United States government using the powers of captive mutants, the leader of the Secret Empire chose to shoot himself rather than be captured by Captain America.  It is the official policy of Marvel Comics that this “high-ranking government official” is not any particular real world individual, but writer Steve Englehart has been clear that his intent was that Number One was Richard Milhous Nixon.  The Secret Empire storyline led to Captain America losing faith in his country and becoming Nomad for the first time, making this one of the most important moments in Steve Rogers’ life after his freezing.

38) THE BLACK LAMA

A mystic from another dimension, dubbed Earth-7511, King Jerald of Grand Rapids became the leader when King Richard was forced to abdicate for his crimes.  He was not ready for the weight of the crown, however, and attempted to travel to Earth-616 to get his head together, only to be overcome by a strange madness.  He began targeting Iron Man, sending villains after him in a strange “War of the Super-Villains” before dragging Iron Man back to his world.  Once home, Jerald revealed himself to be quite agreeable, sending Iron Man home safely.

He is explicitly the universal counterpart of Gerald Ford, who assumed the role of President upon NIxon’s resignation.

39) X-PRESIDENT CARTER

After being struck by lightning at a celebrity golf tournament, James Earl “Jimmy” Carter was imbued with super-powers, along with fellow former POTUSes Reagan,  Ford, and George H.W. Bush.  The heroes then fought all manner of evil, even once resurrecting Richard Nixon to assist them in battle.  They once teamed up with The Ambiguously Gay Duo (another recurring Saturday Night LIve cartoon parody by Robert Smigel) to bring down Osama Bin Laden.

The satire here is more biting than Super LBJ, but not quite as heavy as Englehart’s Number One.

40) EARTH-148611 RONALD REAGAN

In a world that was remarkably like “the world outside your window” circa 1986, an idiot named Ken Connell caused “The White Event,” a mass empowerment event that caused a portion of the population to suddenly develop paranormal abilities.  When a superhuman arms race developed, The President began drafting super-powered folk into the military, but one Harlan Mook didn’t make the cut, instead descending into madness.  When Mook targeted POTUS (never named, but clearly an analogue of real-world Prez Ronald Reagan), he was discovered to have paranormal powers of his own.

Sadly, it was never really followed up on, as the New Universe only lasted a few months after this revelation.

41) RAIDER BUSH

Along with his Commander-In-Chief, Secretary of Defense Caspar Weinberger and Secretary of State George Schultz, George Herbert Walker Bush was one of Reagan’s Raiders!  Thanks to the technology of a super-scientist, the cabinet were given younger human bodies at the peak of perfection and sent out to target the enemies of Reagan’s agenda.

I’ll be honest: This is a truly stupid comic book, featuring a lot of references to the President’s film career and senseless jingoism, but for those of us who’ve read it, it’s mostly remembered as “the reason all those brain cells died.”

42) THE GOLDEN DOUGHBOY

With his strong right hand, The Wooden Wonder, and their other halves Sweet and Sour Girl, and The Hearth Keeper, William Clinton fights evil as the leader of The Fantastic Foursome.  Another pretty biting take from the pages of Spy magazine, Golden Doughboy’s adventures came out in 1992, predating Clinton’ impeachment, meaning that most of the jokes are at the expense of his (and Hilary’s) public personas.

It’s also interesting to see the various levels of fatness that Doughboy goes through in the pages of the book.

43) CAPTAIN TEXAS

No explanation is ever given for George W. Bush’s superhuman powers of flight, strength and punching the sun, but he’s effective once he sets his mind to a task.  He’s not nearly as good at remembering his catchphrase or what the “W” stands for, and he ends his sole appearance naked and unconscious in a parking lot, but comparatively speaking, it’s not the cruelest take on today’s list.

44) PRESIDENT SUPERMAN

To be clear, Earth-23’s Superman is officially one Calvin Ellis, aka Kalel of Krypton, but his bearing and likeness are quite obviously those of Barack Obama.  A member of the Supermen of the Multiverse, President Superman is also the leader of Justice Incarnate, a multiversal team of troubleshooters from different realities, and has battled the likes of The Gentry, The Empty Hand, and Ultimate Darkseid.

Obama has inspired multiple comic books, including Barack The Barbarian, as well as appearing on a ton of alternate covers throughout his years in office.

45) M.O.D.A.A.K.

On Earth-65, home world of Spider-Woman Gwen Stacy (AKA Spider-Gwen), Donald Trump was not elected President, but instead joined the ranks of AIM and was transformed into the Mental Organism Designed As America’s King.  Using his powers and AIM’s resources, M.O.D.A.A.K. began forcibly conscripting people into crews tasked with building a border wall between Texas and Mexico.  HIs reign of terror was ended by Samantha Wilson, Earth-65’s Captain America, despite his possession of the powerful Doomsday Chair.

Once again, this week’s topic, Ten Super Presidents, is all me, but feel free to follow along @MightyKingCobra to suggest your own!  There’s always more Ten Things madness on my Twitter or you can check out the full Twitter archive here!  As with any set of like items, these aren’t meant to be hard and fast or absolutely complete, if only because we’re gonna get a new guy every four to eight years and Millard Fillmore has yet to wear a cape, as far as I know.  Either way, the comments section is below for just such an emergency, but, as always: Please, no wagering!

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