Punching crime has no age restrictions, but sometimes it might require a family plan. Welcome to Ten Things: Ten Middle-Aged Supers With Kids!

Whooshman-Bicarbonate Films, in conjunction with An Amateur Comics Historian and Psycho Dad, Presents:

TEN THINGS: TEN MIDDLE-AGED SUPERS WITH KIDS!

10) HAWKEYE

Father to Cooper, Lila and Nathaniel, Clint Barton’s actor was 44 when his youngest child was born. Since Clint has a high-profile job as a SHIELD Agent and Avenger, his family lives on a secluded farm in the fields of Iowa. So devoted is he to wife Laura and his children that when Thanos “snapped” them out of existence, he gave up everything and became a merciless assassin, killing criminals who survived the apocalypse out of sheer rage. His happy ending at the climax of ‘Avengers: Endgame” was to be reunited with his family, cementing his status as the most down-to-Earth Avenger.

9) MISTER INCREDIBLE AND ELASTI-GIRL

Once prominent members of a large population of superhumans, Bob and Helen Parr were placed in the Superhero Relocation Program, taking on mundane lives in the suburbs and renouncing their masks to raise a family. Years later, Mr. Incredible is recruited by a mysterious organization to return to action, only to be pulled into a web of deception that not only brings his wife out of retirement but brings their kids Dash and Violet into the family business.

8) GREEN ARROW

In the late 1980s, before DC editorial became completely allergic to marriage, commitment or any hero who isn’t eternally 29, Oliver Queen (and his pal Hal Jordan) were explicitly stated to be in their early-forties. Being Oliver, he eventually discovered that one of his youthful indiscretions had led to a son, Connor Hawke, who became his sidekick in life and archery. Oliver died in an explosion (though he later got better), leaving Connor to become Green Arrow in his stead. Once Oliver was resurrected, he somehow got younger, and then the universe rebooted, as is its wont.

7) THE COMMANDER AND JETSTREAM

The greatest superheroes of their world, Steve and Josie Stronghold have maintained that status into her forties and his early fifties, and they expected their son Will to become equally successful as a superhero. Their expectations cause problems for Will, whose powers were late-blooming, leading to all sorts of shenanigans and Will’s realization that nothing in life is exactly what it seems. Josie is a pretty great mom, while Steve… Well, he tries.

6) S.T.R.I.P.E.

Chronologically, Pat Dugan is much older than he seems, having been an adult circa 1941, but thanks to #TimeTravelShenanigans, he ended up in the present day as a man in his early 40s. Giving up his costume, the former Stripesy got married, had a son, divorced and remarried Barbara Whitmore, whose teenage daughter Courtney stole the cosmic belt of the Star-Spangled Kid from Pat’s belongings. Thankfully, his Special Tactics Robotic Integrated Power Enhancer armor (S.T.R.I.P.E. for short) allowed him to keep tabs on Courtney until she learned the ropes of costumed heroism.

5) MOTHER-1

An accomplished scientist, Helen Bennett’s husband Jack served as a secret agent code-named Bionic-1, but a strange incident while on a family vacation led to Helen and all her children being bionically enhanced as well. Her cybernetics give her the powers of telepathy, psychometry and psionic image-projection, but her choice of alias shows her devotion to her family and kids Jack, Meg, JD and Bunjiro. When push comes to shove, Mother-1 is also a fierce combatant, and is clearly the heart of the Bionic Six team.

4) MOTHER WONDER

Having been given cosmic powers at the age of 14 to serve as a Divine Paladin of Razmo-Foon, Beverly Brooks found that her powers faded when she settled down on Earth to raise a family. Now the mother of teenagers, Bev has taken up her Mondolis Gem once more to protect her world. Though her powers aren’t what they were, she still has flight, teleportation, superhuman strength, energy vision and the ability to travel through space, making Mother Wonder a force to be reckoned with in Canadian super heroics.

3) SPINNERET

On Earth-18119, Mary Jane Watson-Parker’s marriage stayed free of diabolic intervention, and even gave them a daughter, Annie-May Parker, who developed spider-powers like her dad’s. Thanks to a little engineering on Spider-Man’s part, MJ was able to draw on his powers and take to the streets in her own Spidersona, to protect young Annie from her own exuberance. She eventually learned to control the Venom symbiote, something her heroic partner/husband could never do.

2) MAGIMOTHER

Having raised her five children alone after the disappearance of her husband, Miyuki Ozu chose not to share the fact that they are all heirs to incredible magic powers. As Magimother, she aided her five children in becoming the Magiranger Super Sentai team, providing support even when she was temporarily and/or apparently dead. After reuniting with her husband and helping to defeat the Big Bad, Miyuki returned to a peaceful family life with her kids.

1) POPS RACER

Father of Rex, Speed and Spritle, Pops Racer is so devoted to his kids that he’s literally only known as “Pops”. A gifted automobile mechanic and designer, Pops is also protective of his family to the point of violence, and since he’s a former heavyweight champion (as the masked Dragon Racer), even ninjas fear his paternal wrath. Initially opposed to Speed Racer becoming a professional driver, he later softened and revealed that he still felt tremendous guilt over the apparent death of his elder son (secretly Speed’s older brother, Rex!)

Thanks to Faithful Spoilerite Vistapa for this week’s topic, Ten Middle-Aged Supers With Kids! Feel free to follow along @MightyKingCobra for more Ten Things madness on Twitter or check out the full Twitter archive here! As with any set of like items, these aren’t meant to be hard and fast or absolutely complete, if only because the occasional marriage is sometimes allowed in comics so that it can be sold it to the literal devil for drama. Either way, the comments section is below for just such an emergency, but, as always: Please, no wagering!

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