New Warriors #5

Or – “More Members Revealed, But Secrets Still Abound.”

The mystery that began promisingly in New Warriors #1 is still out there, and while we keep finding out the identities of some of the Warriors (all of whom are former X-Men or Generation X members) we still have no real clues as to who the mysterious Night Thrasher may be. Is he Donyell Taylor, the brother of original Thrash Dwayne? The Black Panther, source of some of their technology? Former Gen X member Synch? At the rate we’re going through former X-Men, we’re about down to the point where he’s either Calvin Rankin, John Proudstar, or Maggott, and large portions of his team are still unidentified… Has our mystery outlasted it’s welcome?

Previously, on New Warriors: In direct defiance of the government’s Initiative project, person or persons unknown have taken up the mantle of Night Thrasher, and created a new team of New Warriors to deliver justice regardless of the ridiculous new laws regarding superhumans. Though it’s still unclear who is in the Night Thrasher armor (or armors, if you take into account that the interiors depict a character in Thrash’s FIRST armor, and the covers show a character in his SECOND armor) we’ve found out that Blackwing is former X-Man Beak, Tempest is former X-Man Angel II, Decibel is former X-Man Chamber, Wondra is former X-Man Jubilee, and Longstrike is former Xavier Academy member Tattoo. Meanwhile, NYPD detectives have tracked some of the Warriors technology to existing sources: Stilt-Man’s armor, Bill Foster’s giant serum, Spider-Man’s webshooters, and the country of Wakanda. But, when the team faced the New Zodiac, an updated version of old-school Avengers villains, New Warrior Longstrike was killed before their eyes on national TV, and both the team and the world holds their breath in anticipation of another New Warrior bloodbath…

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Phaser and Ripcord are quickly overpowered, and the Warriors pinned down, when suddenly a kid who can’t be more than 12 rides in on his bicycle, wearing a homemade cape and crying out that New Warriors cover their own. When the new Scorpio attacks the innocent child, he makes a serious mistake, drawing the ire of… a waitress!

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“…I will always be able to dance!” Sofia leaps in and kicks Scorpio hardinnaface, distracting him long enough for the team to regroup. The newscasters marvel that a waitress has attacked the super-villain, and Night Thrasher’s people attack. While the costumed heroes bust heads, Sofia proves herself easily their equal by trying to get the young boy to safety…

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Wondra smashes her attacker with an entire car, and Scorpio uses his “plot device” card to escape, claiming that there’s nothing more that they need to do here. I might like the villains more if they had any sort of motive other than “make drama by killing a Warrior.” Night Thrasher checks on Sofia (with concern in his eyes that makes me think he KNOWS her, and I’m wondering if David Alleyne from New X-Men is still active in that book) while the rest of his people get ready to bug out…

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As the paramedics start working on the former Wind Dancer (hate that name), we see a mysterious figure standing in the shadows watching the proceedings, then stalking away into darkness, and I wonder if adding yet ANOTHER mystery this late in the first arc is a good thing. The next day, as the story hits the papers, Sally “When was the last time YOU posted on YouTube, you selfish superhero bastid?” Floyd and Kat “I had a miniseries once where a dead cop loved me!” Farrell meet for lunch to discuss the New Warriors scoop, and compete over who can ‘Lois Lane’ the Warriors first…

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Kat apparently has some sort of epiphany, but I’m troubled by this. Neither of these characters has ever appeared in this title before. There’s no real explanation of who they are, other than a veiled reference to Sally working at Frontline, and they seem to be taking the same role in the story that the NYPD powers division cops did in the first four issues, which troubles me. Meanwhile, on the road to the afterlife, Sofia Mantega meets her long-lost momma, who tells her that she still has work to do and kicks her back down to Earth again, while her doctors opine over whether the New Warriors are doing good or ill.

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Well, that was awkward, wasn’t it? They finally seem to have started stretching to fill the issues without revealing who the heroes actually are. As for Tony Stark, he seems to have a good idea of what’s going on with the Warriors, looking at a mysterious picture and telling his superiors that he has the situation under control. What’s the picture of? We really can’t see, but it looks like a group of Boy Scouts… As for the aforementioned detectives whose names escape me and aren’t actually named in the issue, they’re busy hassling a sovereign foreign leader in the name of patriotism. The Black Panther agrees to see them, but points out that he doesn’t support anything Tony Stark has done during or after the Civil War. “You don’t say,” replies ol whatsername, “Because, “your highness,” we have credible evidence that the CURRENT incarnation [of the New Warriors]is being funded by a considerably wealthy source.” I don’t know if she honestly expected to cow the Black Panther with such a transparent ruse, but T’Challa responds by summoning one of his men, who give him a handheld computer…

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Now, I grant you that I’m an old-school reader who actually thinks of the Black Panther as a great man, as well as a STANDING KING OF A SOVEREIGN NATION, but does anybody else find this to be both disrespectful and ridiculous? I cannot believe that any street cop actually has the authority to question a diplomat in his temporary embassy like this. From a legal standpoint, this is questionable at best, and probably illegal at worst. The New Warriors continue to fight at their headquarters, with Skybolt (good name) and Phaser (bad name) argue over whether Phaser’s sister deserved to die. Phaser is revealed to be someone named “Vin” with a southern accent, and Chamber/Decibel implies that he, too, is an Ex-X-Man. As the bickering continues, things get more heated, until finally Night Thrasher is forced to get involved. “THAT’S ENOUGH,” he bellows.

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Oookay. I don’t know if I like this ending. It seems like the “shocking twist you never saw coming” school of writing, especially given last issue’s cliffhanger killing a character that we really never saw much of to begin with. I worried last issue that the secrets would overwhelm the good parts of the story, especially if the secrets took too long to come out, and this issue I’m really starting to feel that happening. Could be my mood, could be just Friday, but I just want at least ONE solid answer about what’s happening here. We now have SHIELD, the media, the cops, and probably the Boy Scouts looking for the identity of the new Thrash, and there have been almost zero clues to make it into a mystery that the reader could decipher. I’m also of mixed feelings on the reveal of yet another Xavier Academy grad in the roster… I really hoped that there would be some vestige of the old Warriors in this team. The lack of motivation for the villains, a feeling of sagginess in the plotting, and the “Gasparoonie!” shock ending have left enough of a bad taste in my mouth that New Warriors #5 ranks only 2 out of 5 stars, with the hope that issue #6 will give us some sort of resolution and allow us to progress forward.