Here at Major Spoilers, we like to embrace the sublime and the ridiculous equally. Some things lean more one way than the other, though… Welcome to Ten Things: Ten Tiny Chest Circles!

Whooshman-Bicarbonate Films, in conjunction with An Amateur Comics Historian and the basic geometric shapes, Presents:

TEN THINGS: TEN TINY CHEST CIRCLES!

10) JONATHAN BLADE

Hailing from the future year 2030, Jonathan is a master of kenpo, a martial art that is drawn from modern-day street fighting techniques. Having lost his job as a police officer, he died trying to save the world from a horrific virus that killed most of the world’s population. His soul was harvested by The Eternal Champion, who forced him to fight in a tournament that would allow him to undo his terrible death and perhaps save his world from disaster… or proceed on to oblivion.

It’s sort of a Street Fight Afterlife.

9) ASTRO GIRL

A failed contestant in the Casting Call reality TV show to recruit the new Wildguard super-team, Zeta Finn seems to have access to future and/or alien technology that gives her powers, including weather control and flight. Like so many Wildguard wannabees, not much is known about here but she has a GREAT visual.

8) AURO, LORD OF JUPITER

In an example of Golden Age ingenuity in action, Auro is either the second hero of the same name to debut in Planet Comics, or a massive reworking of continuity. A young scientist and nebbish from the Midwest, Chet Edison was launched into space by one of his own inventions after a sabotage attempt, crashing on planet Jupiter. Immediately killed by that planet’s gravity, his spirit was (for some reason) transferred into the body of the planet’s ruler, where he shared varying levels of control. An earlier version of the character was basically “Tarzan on Mars.”

7) THE PATRIOT

The director of SHIELD after Nick Fury’s disappearance, Jeffrey Mace posed as an Inhuman to try and improve relations between the human and superhuman communities. In truth, he was empowered by Project Patriot, working with a reverse-engineered version of Mister Hyde’s super-strength formula, and was intended to be a pawn to undermine the entire SHIELD organization. Mace instead proved to be a valued part of the anti-Hydra resistance, eventually sacrificing his life to help save his fellow agents.

6) COLONEL WEIRD

Decorated astronaut and hero, Colonel Randall Weird was separated from linear reality due to an encounter with the Para-Zone. One of the heroes of Spiral City, he and several of his comrades were trapped in a strange, timeless alternate reality after defeating a terrible threat known as the Anti-God. After the death of Black Hammer (BAMALAM! WHOOOOA!), the Colonel got a little (you should excuse the expression) weird.

5) KID FLASH

Initially a relaunch of the Silver Age Kid Flash, Wallace West has now been revealed/retconned as his identically-named cousin who miraculously ALSO got superhuman speed powers. Currently a member of the Teen Titans under the command of Damian “Robin” Wayne, he is more impulsive and emotionally volatile than his predecessor. Due to the return of the original Wally West, Kid Flash now goes by Wallace, which doesn’t really clear anything up, but makes for a fun time trying to provide and explanation.

4) COLOSSAL BOY

While training to be a member of Science Police in the 30th Century, Gim Allon was irradiated by a strange meteorite which gave him the ability to grow to massive size at will. One of the longest-serving Legionnaires, he is known for his loyalty, his friendliness and his astonishing array of ugly uniforms, ranging from gross to gawd-awful to Bucky Goldstein, Space Cowboy.

3) MERPATI

Debuting in 1977, Sedhah Esti Wulan is a journalist who fell into a ravine, but was saved by a flock of doves and taken to their queen. Sedhah was gifted with the ability to fly (and apparently some invulnerability as well) thanks to a magic dove formula, taking on her superhero costume and alias. Shortly after, Merpati encountered the Indonesian superhero Gundala, with whom she fell in love and eventually married.

2) THE BOMBASTIC BAG-MAN

What’s worse than discovering that your clothes are a parasitic alien that has been controlling your mind and forcing you to beat up people in the dead of night? Escaping the clutches of your clothes and being left in your underwear in midtown Manhattan. Fortunately for Peter Parker, when this happened to him his friend The Human Torch was able to loan him some clothes and a makeshift mask.

The “Kick Me” sign was a total jerk move, though.

1) MARVELMAN

After Fawcett Comics ceased publication in 1953, the British publisher that had been reprinting his adventures had to get creative. Replacing Billy Batson with Micky Moran, who gained his powers from an astrophysicist’s magic word (“Kimota”, atomic misspelled backwards.) Marvelman spawned Young Marvelman and Kid Marvelman to replace Captain Marvel Jr. and Mary Marvel, and eventually disappeared when full-color American comics were brought to UK shores in the sixties. He was later revamped for the 80s and imported to the US as Miracleman, but no matter the name or decade, he is always a copyright nightmare.

This week’s topic is all me (and a little bit of sleep deprivation) but feel free to thrown our your own suggestions and follow along @MightyKingCobra for more Ten Things madness on Twitter or check out the full Twitter archive here! As with any set of like items, these aren’t meant to be hard and fast or absolutely complete, especially since there are only so many shapes in the world.  Either way, the comments section is Below for just such an emergency, but, as always: Please, no wagering!

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