It is no secret that I have a profound pseudo-crush on Victoria, the most lovely ex-girlfriend of ultra-douchey Ted Mosby on the sitcom ‘How I Met Your Mother.’  My adoration of the character/actress aside, I have always enjoyed the adventures of young Ted finding his way in the world, making mistakes and spouting half-educated psycho-sexual theories on THE ONE and how to find her.  Although the series has literally NO clue about realities of love or married life, I still enjoy watching the characters bumbling around, being funny and awesome in spite of their crippling personality flaws.  That said, the beginning of Season 8 damaged the Ted character beyond repair for me, as the man who supposedly believes in love and honor above all stole another guy’s girl ON THEIR WEDDING DAY.  Yes, Victoria is amazing, and sure, he’s had a lot of jerkass moments before, but after spending 8 years pontificating about finding your true love (as well as getting left at the altar himself), the hypocrisy of Ted’s actions were a solid shark-jumping moment in a series known for it’s potential S-J-Ms.

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) also hasn’t forgiven Iron Man for the entirety of 2006, no matter how good his movies are, asking: What’s the most unforgivable decision made by a fictional character that you otherwise love?

I admit it: I’m reticent to accept new versions of properties that I’ve enjoyed in the past.  As any fan-child (or, to be fair, any human) does, it’s hard to see them make changes that could invalidate or disrespect that which I loved.  While I may never forgive DC for the Archie-legion reboots of Tenzil Kem and Chuck Taine, even I admit that sometimes it’s for the best.  Sure, Spider-Man’s new brain is scary, as is Jim Kirk’s new actor and Superman’s now-missing crimson boxer-briefs, but the audiences have responded positively to these changes, and have responded with additional money spent.  In short, we’ve trained the producers of our media to know that they can move extra units if their next big thing is a version of a past big thing (even if in name only.)  Still, sometimes I like to try to transcend my base human nature and take a positive look at what good might come of this trend…

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) is waiting for the new version of the new version of ‘Ocean’s Eleven,’ asking: Given that the cycle of relaunches, revamps, reimaginings and reworkings will certainly continue, what property do you most WANT to see get remade?

Last weeks MS-QOTDs left me mulling over scary things and scary movies, and I killed part of my weekend checking out a few of my favorite spine-chilling films out of nostalgia.  The original ‘Amityville Horror’, ‘Paranormal Activity’ and the B-52 sequence of ‘Heavy Metal’ share little in tone or construction, but they do have one major item in common:  They scare the bajeezus out of me.  As anyone who counts Major Spoilers Super Sentai reference can tell you, once something enters my head, iexpect it to stick around for a while, and today’s boring work-day led to me considering my chances of surviving in those fictional horror universes.  (In order, the answers are “Possibly,” “Certainly, so long as I’m not a tool like Micah”, and “Nooope.”)  Speed didn’t help the victims of Jason Voorhees, so I wouldn’t have too much of a handicap there, but I wouldn’t last long around Rick Grimes, having long since wandered off into the woods to get away from those people.  Either way, the give-and-take of my cinematic ruminations filled a dull Thursday afternoon (Best Chance For Matthew Survival = “Nightbreed”, in case ya wondered) but also begs a query…

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) kicked that #@&*ing map in the #@&*ing river yesterday, asking: How would you survive in a horror movie universe and which one would you choose?

With the release of Iron Man 3, my biggest problem hasn’t been the proliferation of spoilers about the Gandhi-rin or Pepper’s attire in certain scenes, but with the realization that we’re only about a year and a half from having a 50-year-old Tony Stark.  Sure, he wears it well, but there is going to come a point where Marvel Studios is going to have to recast with someone more appropriate to the eternally-twenty-nine Iron Man role.  Fans of Doctor Who have been dealing with this sadness all year, though, as the producers seem unwilling to bring back a nonogenerian Fourth Doctor or a Sixth Doctor who is balding and thicker about the waist.  On the one hand, I love Ruffalo, Downey and even Medicare-eligible Sam Jackson as Nick Fury (who, to be fair, is often a WWII veteran), but on the other, I can clearly see the appeal in the Super Sentai model, where every year you start fresh with new actors and new characters with minor modifications to the premise.  We fans are fickle beasties, though, and given the shouty-ness when they recast Bruce Banner, I imagine that a new actor taking over for Scarlett Johansson or Chris Evans will be a hard transition for a number of Aveng-ophiles, which begs a question…

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) still can’t figure out how they’re going to get 6 movies out of Mark Ruffalo’s Hulk, asking: Would you rather see a beloved actor who seems too old for his role, or a revamp that forces you to get used to the new guy?

After recent events in Uncanny X-Force, it has become clear that Fantomex (who once possessed three brains in a single body) has now been separated into three selves: One good, one evil, one female.  Moreover, his good self and his female self have embarked on what seems to be a romantic relationship, even though their demeanor and dress sense indicates that they’re still pretty much the same person.  This particular plot twist freaks me out more than the revelation that ultimate Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch might be partners, for some reason, even though Pietro and Wanda are fraternal twins.  Given that Wolverine’s relationship with HIS female clone (and, also, why are there so many opposite-gender clones running about?) is more parental than anything, the whole thing is equal parts sci-fi brilliance and perversity.  (Except the brother/sister love affair, that’s 100% the latter.)

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) believes that we may have hit on one of the great science-fiction conundrums, asking: Is it creepy that Fantomex and his female clone are dating?  Could you court your own opposite gender clone?

Thanks to this week’s impending Retro Review (he said, hinting broadly) I’ve found myself once again considering the mysterious Tao of the Web-Head. When the Spider-Man universe was rebooted with ‘Brand New Day,’ the powers-that-be at Marvel Comics tried to play it off as a return to the character’s roots, taking him to a place where he was a single luckless college jerk, playing the field and living in Aunt May’s basement.  Interestingly, a few years later, Peter was back at the top of his field, active as an Avenger, being really pretty geniusy marvelous with Aunt May happily married off, before his brain was eaten by an octopus (or something.)  Still, the clear message seemed to be that a Spider-Man without problems wasn’t really Spider-Man at all, and (if you discount the clear message that they just didn’t want him married) there seems to be an expectation that Hard-Luck Parker is editorial’s idea of the character’s natural state.  This, in turn, begs a query…

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) watches him swing on a web, something something frassum blebb, asking: Do you think it’s necessary that Peter Parker be a loser/schlub in order for Spider-Man to work?

Over the last couple of years, I’ve been a casual watcher of ‘Saturday Night Live,’ starting when someone dubbed a season (I think it was 2009?) the worst one ever.  During that time, I have enjoyed a lot of quietly brilliant moments, a few utterly awful ones, crushed hard on Nasim Pedrad and Kristen Wiig (and even a little bit on new girl Cecily Strong) and also enjoyed the many cameos by the likes of Jon Hamm and Alec Baldwin.  Most surprising of all was the transformation of boy-band jackwagon Justin Timberlake into a genuinely funny and remarkably versatile performer, who gave me an unstoppable laughing fit with nothing but his facial expressions and the words, “But privately?  He hit that.”  Back in the N-SYNC era, I would have bet nothing could make me a fan of any of those kids, but a decade or so later, I love me some J.T. and can’t stomach Jenny McCarthy.  Life is indeed strange, which brings us to today’s query…

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) knows that ‘funny,’ like ‘frightening’, is in the eye of the beholder, asking:  Who is the most surprisingly funny person in all of pop-culture?