Often times the writers of Major Spoilers slip in references and innuendos that you may not get. There are a number of reasons for this
- You are just joining the site, and haven’t read through the bazillion entries on the site
- You didn’t go to school with Stephen and Matthew in the early 90s and pop-culture references of the times are lost on you
- You did go to school with Stephen and Matthew in the early 90s and you do get the pop-culture references, you just don’t “get” Stephen and Matthew
In order to aid in your understanding of all thing Major Spoiler-y, we bring you our Major Spoilers Dictionary – a source to help you make sense of the ramblings on this site.
Major Spoilers Dictionary
- Bat-Dickness (levels of)
- 10 – ï¿½Are you retarded or something? Who the hell do you think I am? Iï¿½m the goddamn Batman.ï¿½ (Blatant Bat-Dickness, directed towards a child, no justification for hostility.)
- 9 – ï¿½Iï¿½m done talking. Get out of my cave.ï¿½ (Harsh Bat-Dickness, delivered post-beating, mild justification for hostility.)
- 8 – ï¿½Youï¿½re fired, Dick.ï¿½ (Classic Bat-Dickness, alienating a loved one, low justification for hostility.)
- 7 – ï¿½Letï¿½s face it, Superman. The last time you really inspired anyone was when you were dead.ï¿½ (Average Bat-Dickness, cheap shot disguised as blunt advice.)
- 6 – ï¿½Right now youï¿½re bleeding to death. Right now Iï¿½m the only one in the world who can get you to a hospital in time.ï¿½ (Functional Bat-Dickness, lowered score since the target of this line is a criminal, albeit an injured one.)
- 5 – ï¿½For an ageless Amazon of eternal beauty, youï¿½ve put on weight.ï¿½ (Normal Everyday Bat-Dicknessï¿½an example of Batmanï¿½s best attempt (not the facade of Bruce Wayne) to be good-humored and sociable.)
- 4 – ï¿½I needed someone I could trust. But I had to settle for you.ï¿½ (Justified Bat-Dickness.)
- 3 – ï¿½Oliver Queen is every bit the playboy that I pretend to be.ï¿½ (Ambiguous Bat-Dickness, could be taken in several ways.)
- 2 – ï¿½Deep down, Clarkï¿½s essentially a good personï¿½and deep down, Iï¿½m not.ï¿½ (Low-Level Bat-Dickness, complimentary towards another, but overly critical of self.)
- 1 – ï¿½Thanks, old chum.ï¿½ (Completely Free of Bat-Dickness, though awkward, creepy, and completely unnatural sounding since Batman is, by nature, somewhat of a dick.)
- Holly Robinson (not that Holly Robinson):
- Emblemizes feigned confusion telling the difference between Holly Robinson, the comic character who filled in as Catwoman during Selina Kyle’s pregnancy (see Fig. 1) and Holly Robinson, a television actress perhaps best known for her role on “Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper.” The Major Spoilers writing staff is a big fan of sitcoms, not that there’s anything WRONG with that…Fig. 1: Holly Robinson (Not THAT Holly Robinson)Fig. 2: Holly Robinson (Indeed, THAT Holly Robinson)
- Sound effect designed to mimic the specific Foley effect used for lightning on the television show “Gilligan’s Island.” Popularized by artist Michael T. Gilbert’s ‘Mr. Monster’ character, it may also be rendered “Crack-A-BOOOM!,” “Crack-A-DOOOM!,” et al. but must always have three or more letter ‘O’s in the final syllable. General expression of great force exerted, as in Fig. 1.
- Fig. 1 – Ultimate Thor unloads a can of WHUP@$$ in dire need of an accompanying KRAK-A-DOOOOM!
- Luthor Dollars
- The monetary system Major Spoilers uses to pay its writers. The more they write, the more Luthor Dollars they get to print.
- Fig 1. – Current Luthor Dollar in circulation (front)
- Moron Hell
- That place where people who do not share the same rabid belief system will go to spend eternity for not seeing the brilliance of the speaker. Example: “What do you mean you don’t think Grant Morrison* is the greatest writer in all of everything? You sir, will burn for eternity in Moron Hell for not understanding this. No excuse me while I wipe this drool off my chin, so I can jerk off to this latest issue my god has written for me.”
*Grant Morrison’s name is being used here for example purposes only. Users could very easily replace Grant Morrison, with Ed Brubaker, Joss Whedon, Brian Michael Bendis, or other name of your choice.
- Stately Spoiler Manor
- There in fact TWO locations for Major Spoilers – Major Spoilers HQ was the first to arrive, followed several months later with Major Spoilers East.
- “Tom Grice is WRONG, Sir! WRONG!”
- Statement of mockery towards Tom Grice (see Appendix) indicating disagreement with his point of view or general intent to bust balls. Designed to mimic the tone and phrasing of Gene Wilder’s performance as Willy Wonka during the climactic scene of Charlie and The Chocolate Factory. Sometimes followed with “You STOLE Fizzy Lifting Drinks! You bumped into the ceiling, with now has to be WASHED and STERILIZED, so you get NOTHING! YOU LOSE! GOOD DAY, SIR!” Occasional additional retort of “I SAID GOOD DAY!” optional.
- Appendix: Tom Grice – Born 1972, Midwestern comic store manager, known for being outspoken in his opinions and acerbic in his humor. Known as “The Earth-1 Matthew” and occasionally “Ultra Tommy,” has a comic pull list that can be seen from space. Though often very thoughtful in his opinions, he is nonetheless WRONG, Sir! WRONG!
- Tom Welling
- Star of the CW television series Smallville. Smallville tells the story of a young man with superpowers who will eventually become Superman. In the series it is prohibited for the lead character to don the Superman costume, or go by the moniker Superboy.
- Since a recent lawsuit between Warner Bros and the Siegel Estate (2004) prohibits DC comics from using the name Superboy, we here at Major Spoilers refrain from using the word as well, instead replacing the name with Tom Welling.
- Variations on the theme: Tom Welling-Prime, Kon-Welling (Fig. 1), Tom Welling at Earth’s End, Tom Welling and the Legion of Superheroes (Fig. 2).
- Fig 1 – Kon-Welling, in disguise to avoid copyright infringement issues.
- Fig. 2 – The Legion of Super-Heroes rejecting the Silver Age Tom Welling.