Or – “Of Course, The Shield Came First…” Continuing our Major Spoilers Star-Spangled Weekend™, and so far we’re running an average of 3 stars for the items reviewed from the big, dumb month of June 2010.  Another batch of comics (featuring the first star-spangled hero, as well as several former heads of state) is on the chopping block…  Will our average go waaay up, or waay DOWN?

Or – “And Seriously, Don’t Even Get Me Started On All The Buckys!” Day two of the Major Spoilers Star-Spangled Weekend™, I’m freshly sunburnt from swimming, but still Ready, Willing and Able (Attorneys At Law?) to go over some of the high-points of last month’s comic book output.  The Justice League of America, all-American Tony Stark and the styling of verdant Lanterns and Hornets take center stage as our Rapid-Fire Reviews continue!

Or – “Do You Know How Many Captain Americas There Actually Are?“ As part of my Major Spoilers Star-Spangled Weekend™, I’m going to be periodically checking in with you, the Faithful Spoilerites to talk a little pop culture during my long weekend off.  (Vacation from two out of three jobs is the best I’m going to get.)  This time around, Captain America, American Son, as well as the greatest heroes of China and Russia take center stage as we look at the best and worst of last month with our monthly Rapid-Fire REVIIIEOOOOOOOOooOOOOOEWWWW!

Or – “April Showers Bring May Flowers, But Mayflowers Only Bring Religious Dissidents…” Man, it has been a LOOOONG month of May.  The comics industry seems intent on moving to $3.99 price points, The Eleventh Doctor got hit on, and Scarlett Johanssen looks great in skintight stretch fabrics.  In any case, since another month has come and gone, and it’s a three-day weekend for many in the United States we’ve got time to look at a couple dozen things that have come out in recent weeks, Rapid-Fire Style! 

Or – “Named For The Roman God Martius, God Of War…”   Not to be confused with famed Martian general Marvin, whose computers are so complex and naughty… Traditionally, this month has signaled the beginning of the season of military campaigns, and also the time when college basketball generals lead their troops unto the field of battle. For me, working in small-market TV for as long as I did, it’s a month which signals mighty pains in the butt, which explains why this is technically the FEBRUARY edition of RFR. We apologize for the inconvenience… Better to just press on.

Or – “There Are Old Pilots And Bold Pilots, But Few Old, Bold Pilots…” I saw recently that a clinical study proved that January 25th is the most depressing day of the entire year, scientifically and unequivocally.  While I don’t disagree with that sentiment (especially as it regards the attendance of employees in Midwestern United States call centers) I find it fascinating that somebody actually got paid to try and figure out something that silly and (let’s be honest, here) banal.  Still and all, it’s the kind of story that you read and go, “Yeah, I can see that.”  Thus,

Or – “Where’s My Santa On The Shaver, Dammit?” Sometimes the holidays turn into a blur of food and family and spectacle, like the Roman Empire right before the Dark Ages. When that happens, it’s good to have Rapid Fire Reviews: Reading the comics, so you don’t have to!

Or – “Turkey Fact #12: If You Leave A Turkey Out In The Rain, He’ll Drown… Stupid Bird.”   Every year, I tell myself that I’m going to take it easy on Thanksgiving, and every year, I pretty much feel like a python who swallowed a wild boar. Yesterday, I had three slices of pie, an enormous wedge of ham, and half a bag of crackers with cheese spread, and that was the day BEFORE the holiday feasting. In order to help you digest YOUR Thanksgiving dinner, (Disclaimer: May not be valid in all areas!) we’ve got another line-up of

Or – “I Decided To Trick Or Treat With My Kid Instead… Sorry.” The MUSIC MEEEISSSSTERRRR! Sing the song that the world wants to heeeear! Man, I’ve had that stuck in my head for WEEKS, now. This particular RFR was meant to go up last week, just in time for the annual festival of half-price chocolate, but various things conspired to keep me from completing it until today. For those of you who can’t get enough comic review goodness, I’ve got the cowbell to slake your fever, and it’s time to ask ourselves, baby, what’s the word? In the words

Or – “Hey, Vent! You Ready To Move Out?” When you read monthly comic books the way that I do, often times you get to the point where you feel like you know what’s coming, when every title feels like you’ve read it before. On the other hand, you have the odd experience where you read a title or issues that you KNOW you’ve read before, but you cannot for the life of you remember how it’s supposed to end. With over a hundred monthly titles coming out, sometimes you need to play catchup, you need to go where everybody

Or – “Most People Don’t Know That His Full Name Is Manuel Labór.”   So, I have completed my daily labors, overseeing the dozen fellers and gals what make up the current workgroup to call themselves Team RamRod (“See, you’re Arkot Ramathorn… Ram. And I’m Rodney Farva… Rod. Team RamRod!”) and I am preparing to have some spaghetti and hang out with friends, but first I wanted to catch up with some of the many titles that I’ve neglected over the busy last days of August… RAPID-FIRE REVIEW TIME!

Or – “Sir, I Protest! I Am NOT A Merry Man!!!” Once again, we’ve come to the situation where Stately Spoilers Manor contains far more comics than there are days to review ’em, leading once again unto the Final Frontier… NUQNEH – NOOKNEHH! Phasers on summarize!

Or – “Of Course I’m Serious. And Don’t Call Me Shirley.”   Oh say can you see… By the dawn’s early light! What so proudly we hail… In the twilight’s last gleaming? Whose bright stripes and broad stars, In the perilous night… For the ramparts we watched, uh, da-da-da-da-da-daaaa… And the rocket’s red glare! Buncha bombs in the air! Gave proof to the night! That we still had our flag! Oh say does that flag banner wave, Over a-a-all that’s free! And the home of the land… And the land of the – FREE!

Or – “We Hold These Comics To Be Self-Evident…” Today is American Independence Day, commonly referred to as July 4th, as it takes place on the 4th of July, hence the name, and that’s why the song is called Alice’s Restaurant… To all the faithful Spoilerites of the United States, Happy 4th of July. For those of you who are from elsewhere, sorry about all the hegemony and stuff. Either way, it’s time for another bout of our Rapid Fire Reviews, bite-sized chunks of comics that I either couldn’t write three paragraphs about, or ran out of time to cover.