Or – “In Honor Of That Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken. (No, Not Voldemort.)”
TIME FOR THE HALFTIME SHOOOOW! For those who didn’t know, there’s a copyrighted sports event happening in the states this evening, involving teams of guys with helmets engaging in ritual combat to control 300 yards of territory a little bit at a time. Whatever else happens during the game, at least we know it will be more entertaining than today’s Retro Review. The numbers prove it.
Or – “Why ‘New And Different’ Doesn’t Always Equal ‘Better.’ “
Comic books as an art form have been around for over a century now, and many of the characters we read about regularly have been doing their thing for three-quarters of a century. During those years, many revamps, relaunches and rejiggers have taken place to try and keep the characters relevant. Batman has gone from gun-toting vigilante to square-jawed smiling sentinel to dark night detective to father-figures, while Superman’s power levels have been up and down like the proverbial whore’s drawers. In retrospect, it’s clear lot of those re-imaginings haven’t taken root at all: Witness Stephen Strange’s early-70′s run as a masked superhero in light-blue tights, or the controversial ‘New X-Men’ run under Grant Morrison or my own beloved Five-Year-Gap grown-up Legion of Super-Heroes. For all those (arguable) misfires, though, none has been as lambasted as today’s Hero History entrants. Seldom have characters been taken so far from their origins and comfort zones, and seldom have the results been so ridiculous. Still, as a connoisseur of questionable comics, I have to admit there’s a lot of joie de vivre and fun to be had (as well as fun to be made) if you can get past the goofiness of the surface. This, then, is your Hero History of Andre Blanc-Dumont of France; Olaf Bjornson of Sweden and/or possibly Norway; Chuck Wilson of Texas; Hans Hendrickson of the Netherlands; Stanislaus (first name unknown) of Poland; Liu Hang and/or possibly Wu Cheng of China; Zinda Blake of the United States, and their mysterious leader who may or may not be Bart Hawk: THE BLACKHAWKS (VERSION 2.0!)
Or – “Yes, I Have A Complete Run Of This, Too… It Was The 90′s, Things Were Different.”
The life of a wrestling fan is a tough one, especially when you’re an overeducated sort like myself. All too often your in-ring heroes turn out to be arrogant steroid cases, jock-assclown-types who make Stan Gable and the Alpha Betas look like the Algonquin Round table. The stories of ‘Wrestler Court’ and backstage antics are nearly as awful as the fact that these poor athletes usually do what they do without healthcare or even being considered an employee of the companies they work for. One of my great embarassments is the fact that one of my favorite wrestlers to watch is pretty much universally regarded by the wrestling cognescenti as awful. (It could be worse… I won’t even discuss what happened with Bruce’s favorite grapple from the old days.) Even if he is nicknamed Big Lazy, even if he has gotten by on charm and manipulation, even if he only has six good moves in him, I still enjoy seeing Kevin Nash in action to this very day. Back in the salad days of wrasslin’ crossover appeal, he even got a comic book of his own…
Or – “The Seventies Really WERE A Different Time…”
It’s sometimes difficult to remember that most of the things that we complain about (the economy, foreign conflicts, gas prices, government policices) are the same things people have been complaining about for decades. 40 years ago, a legendary creator returned to DC Comics after decades away and captured the zeitgeist of those tumultuous times and channeled it into his creative devices to create a lasting, viable, and affecting piece of work, which tragically was unfinished. That book was called..
…The New Gods.
This book was written by that legend’s ex-partner the same year, and it kinda has to be seen to be believed.
Or – “Sort Of Like The Legend Of Boggy Creek, Only With Tie-Dyed Mask And Daisy Dukes…”
One of the great pleasures of reading comic books for me is finding characters and concepts that are just plain ludicrous, so ridiculous that you can’t help but love them. Even guys like Lee and Kirby didn’t create gems with every outing, and I love the thought process that leads to concepts like The Music Master (secret identity: Chauncey Throttlebottom III) or The Dingbats of Danger Street. Like the movies of Ed Wood, there are comic books whose entertainment value transcends questions of quality, comic books whose existence seems to be nothing but sheer force-of-will on the part of their creators, comic books for which rating is entirely speculative, and probably best done with a gutful of bourbon.
This book is their king…
Or – “Eighty Hero Histories Hasn’t Finished The Job Yet???”Â
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Any super-team quickly accrues baggage as the creative teams change, as the years roll on, as the days go by… GLYCERINE!! Uh… wait. Side-tracked for a second there. In any case, recent off-the-books discussions between the M.S. crew has led to the realization that even amongst the various Luornus, Lars, Tasmias, and Querls, there are characters that only the most hardcore psycho Legion fan would have even heard of…  Â
Hi, my name is Matthew, and this is the type of thing that kept me out of the really GOOD schools.  Â
Let’s kinda hope not…
Happy New Year, Faithful Spoilerites!
Or – “Dying Is Easy, Comedy Is Hard… And They’ve Tried One Already.”
Okay, that’s probably not fair. After all, comedy is difficult, and many writers who have a good grasp of dialogue, story, and character can’t be funny. Heck, even the writers who are PROVEN funny (guys like Dan Slott, Kurt Busiek, even Joss Whedon) aren’t 100% universally hilarious. They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but the often-imitated, never-duplicated concept known as “The Funny” is trapped somewhere between the lens and the retina of the beholder, forever entombed in eye goop. Why do you think they call it “Vitreous HUMOUR?” Contrary to my snarkiness, nobody deserves to die for participating in this issue. But, can I actually say that it’s good?
Or – “There’s A Thin Line Between High Concept and Dumb Idea.”
Yesterday was the first Saturday of the month, what we at Gatekeeper Hobbies (Gage & Huntoon, Topeka, KS, tell ‘em Matthew sent ya!) call “Buying Day.” Padding out the bottom of a box of comics we MEANT to buy was a very dog-eared copy of Master Of Kung Fu, circa 1980, that was bound for one of two places: The Quarter Bin, or my collection. Since the two are generally synonymous (and since I remember this book from my youth), I thought we might all enjoy it together, and we just might learn a little something before it’s done…