Or – “Totally Cosmic, Maan! The Squirrel Had A GUN, Man… And This Car? It Runs On WATER, Maaan!”
Things have been heating up in Marvel’s Cosmic Theatre of war, and everyone from Rocket Raccoon to the Silver Surfer is concerned, as a lost hero returns from the dead, but only a big purple villain can stop him. Everything’s topsy turvy, wackadoodle, on it’s head, DOGS AND RACCOONS, SAVING THE UNIVERSE! MASS HYSTERIA!
Or – “Named For The Roman God Martius, God Of War…”
Not to be confused with famed Martian general Marvin, whose computers are so complex and naughty… Traditionally, this month has signaled the beginning of the season of military campaigns, and also the time when college basketball generals lead their troops unto the field of battle. For me, working in small-market TV for as long as I did, it’s a month which signals mighty pains in the butt, which explains why this is technically the FEBRUARY edition of RFR. We apologize for the inconvenience… Better to just press on.
Or – “There Are Old Pilots And Bold Pilots, But Few Old, Bold Pilots…”
I saw recently that a clinical study proved that January 25th is the most depressing day of the entire year, scientifically and unequivocally. While I don’t disagree with that sentiment (especially as it regards the attendance of employees in Midwestern United States call centers) I find it fascinating that somebody actually got paid to try and figure out something that silly and (let’s be honest, here) banal. Still and all, it’s the kind of story that you read and go, “Yeah, I can see that.” Thus, to ease your slowly-receding ennui (and Stephen’s not-so-slowly receding hairline) I give you another batch of coverage of comics you might have read, but forgot to laugh at the first time… Rapid-Fire Style!
Or – “Where’s My Santa On The Shaver, Dammit?”
Sometimes the holidays turn into a blur of food and family and spectacle, like the Roman Empire right before the Dark Ages. When that happens, it’s good to have Rapid Fire Reviews: Reading the comics, so you don’t have to!
Or – “I Decided To Trick Or Treat With My Kid Instead… Sorry.”
The MUSIC MEEEISSSSTERRRR! Sing the song that the world wants to heeeear! Man, I’ve had that stuck in my head for WEEKS, now. This particular RFR was meant to go up last week, just in time for the annual festival of half-price chocolate, but various things conspired to keep me from completing it until today. For those of you who can’t get enough comic review goodness, I’ve got the cowbell to slake your fever, and it’s time to ask ourselves, baby, what’s the word? In the words of the great philosopher Aloysius Bundy: “Let’s ROCK.”
Or – “Who-nark What-Stalker???”
One of the great joys of Abnett and Lanning’s run on Nova is their weirdly encyclopedic knowledge of Marvel Universe cosmic ephemera. They’ve name-checked things as diverse as pre-hero Atlas monster titles, Jim Starlin’s seminal run on Warlock, the (ugh) Infinity Gauntlet, the old-school Marvel black-and-white magazines of the 70′s, all the while building on the groundwork set by Fantastic Four back in the day. I don’t know why I’m so psyched to see the return of this issue’s guest star, except that I actually HAVE his previous appearance, and thought that I was the only one who remembered his existence…
Or – “Most People Don’t Know That His Full Name Is Manuel Labór.”
So, I have completed my daily labors, overseeing the dozen fellers and gals what make up the current workgroup to call themselves Team RamRod (“See, you’re Arkot Ramathorn… Ram. And I’m Rodney Farva… Rod. Team RamRod!”) and I am preparing to have some spaghetti and hang out with friends, but first I wanted to catch up with some of the many titles that I’ve neglected over the busy last days of August…
RAPID-FIRE REVIEW TIME!
Or – “Sir, I Protest! I Am NOT A Merry Man!!!”
Once again, we’ve come to the situation where Stately Spoilers Manor contains far more comics than there are days to review ‘em, leading once again unto the Final Frontier… NUQNEH – NOOKNEHH! Phasers on summarize!
Or – “We Hold These Comics To Be Self-Evident…”
Today is American Independence Day, commonly referred to as July 4th, as it takes place on the 4th of July, hence the name, and that’s why the song is called Alice’s Restaurant… To all the faithful Spoilerites of the United States, Happy 4th of July. For those of you who are from elsewhere, sorry about all the hegemony and stuff. Either way, it’s time for another bout of our Rapid Fire Reviews, bite-sized chunks of comics that I either couldn’t write three paragraphs about, or ran out of time to cover. Give us your tired, your poorly drawn, your huddled masses of comics, yearning to be bagged in mylar…
Or – “Off To Meet My Doom, Mom! See You After School!”
Comic book publishing schedules puzzle me. The Twelve hasn’t come out in what seems like a year, while Agents of Atlas is apparently on a bi-weekly status, and Spider-Man is coming out every sixteen minutes or so. Wolverine alone accounts for half the forests destroyed in the United States every month. The major publishers can’t seem to decide whether it’s a market for the celebrity auteur writer, or whether it’s the characters who sell the books regardless of creator. When Wolverine #73 came out a few weeks ago (before the publication of #72) it occurred to me that the entire industry is run by the pointy-haired boss from Dilbert, and that I should really just relax.
Or – “OH, GNAAAAAAAAAAARRRRLY!!”
It’s so easy to blow up your problems, it’s so easy to play up your breakdown. It’s so easy to fly through a window, it’s so easy to fool with the sound. Life’s the same, I’m moving in stereo… Life’s the same, except for my shoes. Life’s the same, you’re shakin’ like tremolo. Life’s the same, it’s all inside you. Life’s the same, I’m moving in stereo… Life’s the same, except for my shoes. Life’s the same, you’re shakin’ like tremolo. Life’s the same, it’s all inside you!
More After the Jump
Or – “Cut Me Some Slack, I Been Working For A Promotion…”
My day gig is a study in many things… Management theories. Inappropriate dress. The mating habits of the Bisexuals Of The Plains. But one thing that it is not, and has never been, is uncomplicated. Thus, I have come to you, our Faithful Spoilerites, with another batch of mini-reviews, just like a Chili’s mini-burger entree only less likely to make your @$$ look like a truck. (Also, be aware that I just barely decided not to do this one in limerick form, in honor o’ th’ wearin’ o’ the green…)
