Or – “Sometimes, Endings Aren’t What You Expect…”
The days of the Great Machine have long since been over, but last issue ending with Mayor Mitch Hundred donning his jetpack once more to fight off an invasion from the beings who empowered him… Of course, that left him in a bad spot when his own security forces caught him in costume. When the mask comes off, Mitchell Hundred’s political career is officially going to be over… How in the world will he get out of THIS one?
Or – “April Showers Bring May Flowers, But Mayflowers Only Bring Religious Dissidents…”
Man, it has been a LOOOONG month of May. The comics industry seems intent on moving to $3.99 price points, The Eleventh Doctor got hit on, and Scarlett Johanssen looks great in skintight stretch fabrics. In any case, since another month has come and gone, and it’s a three-day weekend for many in the United States we’ve got time to look at a couple dozen things that have come out in recent weeks, Rapid-Fire Style!
Or – “Something, Something, Something Daaaaarrrrk Siiiiide…”
Doesn’t that image look like the Emperor from Star Wars is using the Force to spy on the half-dressed secretary who lives next door?
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No? Just me? Bygones…
Or – “I Decided To Trick Or Treat With My Kid Instead… Sorry.”
The MUSIC MEEEISSSSTERRRR! Sing the song that the world wants to heeeear! Man, I’ve had that stuck in my head for WEEKS, now. This particular RFR was meant to go up last week, just in time for the annual festival of half-price chocolate, but various things conspired to keep me from completing it until today. For those of you who can’t get enough comic review goodness, I’ve got the cowbell to slake your fever, and it’s time to ask ourselves, baby, what’s the word? In the words of the great philosopher Aloysius Bundy: “Let’s ROCK.”
Or – “Hey, Vent! You Ready To Move Out?”
When you read monthly comic books the way that I do, often times you get to the point where you feel like you know what’s coming, when every title feels like you’ve read it before. On the other hand, you have the odd experience where you read a title or issues that you KNOW you’ve read before, but you cannot for the life of you remember how it’s supposed to end. With over a hundred monthly titles coming out, sometimes you need to play catchup, you need to go where everybody knows your name to the land of the Rapid Fire Revieeeeewwww!
Or – “Most People Don’t Know That His Full Name Is Manuel Labór.”
So, I have completed my daily labors, overseeing the dozen fellers and gals what make up the current workgroup to call themselves Team RamRod (“See, you’re Arkot Ramathorn… Ram. And I’m Rodney Farva… Rod. Team RamRod!”) and I am preparing to have some spaghetti and hang out with friends, but first I wanted to catch up with some of the many titles that I’ve neglected over the busy last days of August…
RAPID-FIRE REVIEW TIME!
The penultimate storyline of this title continues with New York City Mayor Mitchell Hundred taking time to clear up some personal and political matters before covertly embarking on what could turn out to be a suicide mission against a killer who is using the rats in the sewer system as a weapon against the city populace. To confound the problems His Honor is having; it appears that the unknown assailant is adopting the exact same variation of Hundreds own communication powers that his supposedly deceased nemesis Jack Pherson previously used to control the actions of several animal species. Plus, Mitchell’s trifecta of troubles is complete when his head of security Rick Bradbury botches a vital mission to prevent potentially damaging facts being revealed about what actually happened the day the Great Machine became the national hero who saved one of the Twin Towers.
Or – “Off To Meet My Doom, Mom! See You After School!”
Comic book publishing schedules puzzle me. The Twelve hasn’t come out in what seems like a year, while Agents of Atlas is apparently on a bi-weekly status, and Spider-Man is coming out every sixteen minutes or so. Wolverine alone accounts for half the forests destroyed in the United States every month. The major publishers can’t seem to decide whether it’s a market for the celebrity auteur writer, or whether it’s the characters who sell the books regardless of creator. When Wolverine #73 came out a few weeks ago (before the publication of #72) it occurred to me that the entire industry is run by the pointy-haired boss from Dilbert, and that I should really just relax.
Or – “Cut Me Some Slack, I Been Working For A Promotion…”
My day gig is a study in many things… Management theories. Inappropriate dress. The mating habits of the Bisexuals Of The Plains. But one thing that it is not, and has never been, is uncomplicated. Thus, I have come to you, our Faithful Spoilerites, with another batch of mini-reviews, just like a Chili’s mini-burger entree only less likely to make your @$$ look like a truck. (Also, be aware that I just barely decided not to do this one in limerick form, in honor o’ th’ wearin’ o’ the green…)
Or – “What Happens When I Continue To Fall Behind On Everything?”
What’s the scraping noise? Looks like the raccoon done busted out the heavy weapons, which means it’s time for another look at some of the comics that were too esoteric, too weird, or too numerous to look at individually: RAPID FIRE REVIEWS! BRAKKA BRAKKA BRAKKA! Make sure that the release lever is elevated, and that the debris shield is down, put on your safety goggles and PREpare… to REview!
Or – “Soooo, I Finally Got My Scanner To Work…”
Occasionally, you have a moment where life steps on your toes.
So far, December has stepped on my toes, kicked me in the shmeckle, thrown dirt at my face, stolen my girlfriend, poured salt in my gas tank, and eaten my last Oreo.
Okay… the whining is done, let’s talk ’bout comics!!!
