35 years after his debut, The Noid has returned to Domino’s Pizza commercials this week, reminding me that I’m apparently ancient and that the world wants to mock me for my decrepitude.  Still, at least he’s now CGI rather than the horrifying Claymation of my youth, which makes his adventures further from the proverbial uncanny valley and making it almost pleasant to see the masked pizza thief again.  I wouldn’t mind seeing The Great Root Bear or the AAU Shuperstar returning to action, either, leading to today’s registered trademark query…

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) hasn’t seen Ronald or any of the McDonaldland crew for a few years, not since the Sexy Hamburglar incident of 2012, asking: What commercial mascot of yore do most want to see make a comeback like The Noid?

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Once upon a time, there was a young nerd from the Midwest, who loved Matter-Eater Lad and the McKenzie Brothers... If pop culture were a maze, Matthew would be the Minotaur at its center. Were it a mall, he'd be the Food Court. Were it a parking lot, he’d be the distant Cart Corral where the weird kids gather to smoke, but that’s not important right now... Matthew enjoys body surfing (so long as the bodies are fresh), writing in the third person, and dark-eyed women. Amongst his weaponry are such diverse elements as: Fear! Surprise! Ruthless efficiency! An almost fanatical devotion to pop culture! And a nice red uniform.

5 Comments

  1. Let’s bring back the original Chuck-E-Cheese with a vest, two-tone bowler hat and a cigar. While we are at it, bring back the low-budget animatronic version of him on stage.

  2. Daniel Langsdale on

    Mr. Whipple. He understood squeezable cushiony softness. Not like some in-the-woods cartoon bears.

  3. Not that they ever went away, but i feel like the time is right for a gritty public domain monster cereal reboot. Your Count Choculas, your Frankenberries, your Fruit Brutes, your Boo Berries, your Yummies Mummy….maybe i dunno, give em all a tragic backstory or something. Maybe some sort of shared Monster Cereal Aisle Universe…

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