Maybe it’s just me, with my upbringing under the tutelage and instruction of balding, old-school, Midwestern sour-face adult male figures, but I’ve always found an almost tangible sense of awe and terror at the face of an incensed Red Forman.  One of the many parts of ‘That ’70s Show’ that rang true was that iron-fisted ultimate authority figure of Red, doling out punishment, derisive life-lessons and the threat of a foot in your @$$ for your foolishness.  Moreso than the commanding voice of Grand Moff Tarkin, more than the quiet poetic truths of Robin Williams in ‘The Dead Poets Society’, even more than the soothing tones of Captain Picard, the ultimate school principal in red spandex, which leads us to today’s patriarchal query…

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) isn’t saying that my mother had a type, but at least one of my step-fathers was fundamentally Red with a trucker hat and a buzzcut, asking: What fictional overlord, parental figure or big boss is your ultimate authority figure?

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Once upon a time, there was a young nerd from the Midwest, who loved Matter-Eater Lad and the McKenzie Brothers... If pop culture were a maze, Matthew would be the Minotaur at its center. Were it a mall, he'd be the Food Court. Were it a parking lot, he’d be the distant Cart Corral where the weird kids gather to smoke, but that’s not important right now... Matthew enjoys body surfing (so long as the bodies are fresh), writing in the third person, and dark-eyed women. Amongst his weaponry are such diverse elements as: Fear! Surprise! Ruthless efficiency! An almost fanatical devotion to pop culture! And a nice red uniform.

2 Comments

  1. Well, Harry would hate me for saying this, but crime boss “Gentleman” John Marcone from the Dresden Files. Nothing fazes that man, and no matter how in over his head he gets, he stays in control of the situation through sheer force of will.

  2. Malone_hasco on

    I’m pretty bad with authority figures, but would follow Captain Picard to where no man has gone before.

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