A good sidekick can make or break a hero. But how to choose the perfect partner? Welcome to Ten Things: Ten Perfect Sidekicks for Squirrel Girl!
Whooshman-Bicarbonate Films, in conjunction with An Amateur Comics Historian and noted matchmaker Ellen Pierce, Presents:
TEN THINGS: TEN PERFECT SIDEKICKS FOR SQUIRREL GIRL!
10) THE SQUIRREL
Exchange student and lothario Jacques Lalleaux came to D.W. Freese University to study and meet girls, never expecting that the explosion of a strange generator would give him the powers of whatever he was focused on at the moment. Where his colleagues gained telekinesis, telepathy, advanced intellect and more, Jacques became… a squirrel. Sure, that comes with enhanced senses and the ability to glide like his flying namesake, but it’s still a ways from being Superman. Even so, he’d make a perfect counterpart for Squirrel Girl, right down to the buckteeth, though there’s a possible issue of her being mistaken for HIS sidekick, due to superhero naming conventions…
9) THE MASKED WONDER
One of sixteen would-be magical girls assembled to earn points to become the next big hero, Mita Konomi is the hero of justice! She’s much sweeter than her revealing American-style hero costume might have one believe, and can magically adjust the weights of objects or herself, allowing her to move more quickly and jump higher. Her devotion to intellect and efficiency would serve Squirrel Girl well, and her dedication to protecting those in need would dovetail nicely with Doreen’s.
8) LEVITATION LASS
The lone female student at Dean Egghead’s Academy for Super-Heroes, Penelope Pink bears a slight resemblance to a certain marvelous girl. She and her schoolmates, The Eggs-Men fight F.A.N. (the Fraternity of Atavistic No-Goodniks) with the help of the Inferior Five and successfully (for some values of the word) defend their alma mater. She may be British, which would balance out Squirrel Girl’s all-American know-how, plus she has that swingin’ hat.
7) LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
As bright and cheerful as the name would imply, Mary Landry made a strong showing in the early rounds of the casting call for heroes to join the Wildguard. Sadly, she was captured by aliens and eliminated from contention, but that frees her up to work with our favorite Squirrel Girl and hone her craft, as their personalities seem quite complementary.
6) GHOST GIRL
Able to turn intangible at will, Lilli Stephens was briefly an associate member of Alpha Flight, with a still-unexplored mysterious back story. A little rebellious, she could certainly do with some interaction with an established, experienced hero, and maybe we could finally find out what the weird hints and teases about her backstory were all about. (Make this happen, Marvel!)
Just the teensiest bit of a nebbish, Mei-Ling Zhou is primarily trained as a climatologist, but has engineered a “cold gun” that can shoot beams of ice or projectile icicles, as well as encase her in ice (which somehow heals her? I dunno.) Her battle to save the world by repairing the climate with her tech is right up Squirrel Girl’s alley, plus they’d be cute as hell fighting crime together.
4) COSMO CAT
Accidentally trapped in the explosion of a U-235 bomb, Cosmo now has the standard flight/invulnerability/strength/speed powerset, so long as he keeps taking his special cosmic catnip capsules. I can already hear the squees of delight if/when Squirrel Girl met a cute cartoon kitty who would also be one of the most powerful characters in the Marvel Universe. Better stock up on the adamantium scratching posts now…
3) ALL-AMERICAN BOY
A graduate and later instructor at Sky High School, Jonathan Boy is the quintessential sidekick… err, support hero, matching his aesthetic and modus operandi to his chosen hero. Sure, maybe he’s caught up in nostalgia and longing for old glories, but what better way to get back in the game than a little freelance Hero Support for the one hero who is literally unbeatable?
Sweet, sensitive and cheerful (and also increasingly dumber with each passing year), Catarine Valentine makes a perfect foil for Squirrel Girl’s braininess. Though lacking any real super-powers, she looks good in a cape, and (if the extended canon of stories is all taken as valid) has a brother who is a super-villain, giving her built-in motivation.
Plus, she looks just like a famous pop star, which has to be good for something, right?
Thanks to Faithful Spoilerite TJ Kendon (@tjkendon) for this week’s topic, Ten Perfect Sidekicks for Squirrel Girl. Feel free to follow along @MightyKingCobra for more Ten Things madness on Twitter or check out the full Twitter archive here! As with any set of like items, these aren’t meant to be hard and fast or absolutely complete, but I don’t think we’re gonna top that number one. Either way, the comments section is Below for just such an emergency, but, as always: Please, no wagering!