7) BLACKBEARD

In the Marvel Universe (Earth-616), Edward Teach may or may not exist, as (thanks to #TimeTravelShenanigans) the legend of Blackbeard is actually based on Benjamin J. Grimm, The Thing of the Fantastic Four.  Still a bit shell-shocked by his then-recent transformation to a thick-hided orange monstrosity, Ben actually refuses to leave the past and track down Doctor Doom, deciding that he’s cool spending his time as the scourge of the high seas, with the implication being that “Edward Teach” doesn’t actually exist in the Marvel U other than as an alias for Ben…

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Once upon a time, there was a young nerd from the Midwest, who loved Matter-Eater Lad and the McKenzie Brothers... If pop culture were a maze, Matthew would be the Minotaur at its center. Were it a mall, he'd be the Food Court. Were it a parking lot, he’d be the distant Cart Corral where the weird kids gather to smoke, but that’s not important right now... Matthew enjoys body surfing (so long as the bodies are fresh), writing in the third person, and dark-eyed women. Amongst his weaponry are such diverse elements as: Fear! Surprise! Ruthless efficiency! An almost fanatical devotion to pop culture! And a nice red uniform.

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