Top Five

Top Five is a show where the hosts categorize, rank, compare, and stratify everything… from cars to gadgets to people and movies. From stuff that is hot, and things that are not nearly as interesting – it’s Top Five.

This week, there are a lot of catchy songs out there, but have you really listened to the lyrics? This week, we count down our favorite catchy songs that have horrible stories.

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About Author

Stephen Schleicher began his career writing for the Digital Media Online community of sites, including Digital Producer and Creative Mac covering all aspects of the digital content creation industry. He then moved on to consumer technology, and began the Coolness Roundup podcast. A writing fool, Stephen has freelanced for Sci-Fi Channel's Technology Blog, and Gizmodo. Still longing for the good ol' days, Stephen launched Major Spoilers in July 2006, because he is a glutton for punishment. You can follow him on Twitter @MajorSpoilers and tell him your darkest secrets...


  1. My Top 5? oh that’s easy… Rodrigo’s right, anything by The Police:

    Every Breath you take? It’s about a stalker who may do something terrible to the girl he’s singing to…
    Roaxanne? It’s about a hooker… a HOOKER
    Don’t Stand so Close to me? it’s about statutory rape…
    Message in a Bottle? I think it’s about suicide… but I could be talked out of that one.

    My wife will literally scream at me if anything by Sting comes on the radio to “change it, change it now!”

  2. For anyone wishing to redeem the bad feelings brought on by listening to “every breath you take” there is a super cute parody on YouTube where it is dogs watching people with food. Check it out.

  3. 5. City Sleeps – MC 900ft Jesus

    A story about arson, yet still one song I love.

    4. Creep – Radio Head

    Both the story in the song and the story behind the album Pablo Honey are pretty horrible.

    3. Possum Kingdom – Toadies (Also horrible that it is misspelled)

    Another creeper song about sex however the location and overall feel of the song makes it feel closer to rape rather than consensual.

    2. A Little Piece of Heaven – Avenged Sevenfold

    Highly inappropriate song with a super catchy beat from one of the more modern metal bands.

    1. Brick – Ben Folds Five

    A song about an abortion the day after Christmas, I’d say this is on par with Kenny Rodgers or Loggins my apologies I don’t remember which one Stephen was using.

    Honorable mention that didn’t make the list due to being similar to my number 2.

    Necromancer – Gnarls Barkley

  4. Haven’t come up with my own list yet, but I do have some Thank You’s for the guys:

    Thank you Stephen! I’ve always wondered how in the world Kenny Rogers got away with a song that was about a rape and everybody just sings along like “Awe, he finally stood up to the bully.”

    Thank you Rodrigo! I’ve been saying that “Every Breath You Take” is a stalker song for years!!

    And Matthew….oh Matthew…..thanks for forever ruining “Closing Time” you cruel, cruel man.

  5. I don’t have 5, but there are a few in no particular order that catch my attention.

    Bullet – Hollywood Undead; its super catchy music and melody sticks in your head, can’t get it out!!!! but the lyrics just make you question your sanity for the having it stuck in your head (much like Pumped up Kicks)

    Fancy – Reba McIntyre (sp?); tells a story, but when you really listen and figure it out with adult knowledge…. GEEZE, SERIOUSLY!!! Listened to the song as a kid and never had any clue.

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