Top-FiveLOGO3Top Five

Top Five is a show where the hosts categorize, rank, compare, and stratify everything… from cars to gadgets to people and movies. From stuff that is hot, and things that are not nearly as interesting – it’s Top Five.

Let’s face it, at some point you are going to need to fight off a home intruder, bar patron, or zombie horde. What will you use as your makeshift weapon? We have thoughts, and lists.

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About Author

Stephen Schleicher began his career writing for the Digital Media Online community of sites, including Digital Producer and Creative Mac covering all aspects of the digital content creation industry. He then moved on to consumer technology, and began the Coolness Roundup podcast. A writing fool, Stephen has freelanced for Sci-Fi Channel's Technology Blog, and Gizmodo. Still longing for the good ol' days, Stephen launched Major Spoilers in July 2006, because he is a glutton for punishment. You can follow him on Twitter @MajorSpoilers and tell him your darkest secrets...


  1. Here’s my Top 5:

    5. Kitchen Knife. If there is a home invasion and someone finds themselves unarmed there is no more practical weapon than the standard kitchen knife. It’s sharp, deadly, and practically everyone has them. Only problem will be if the intruder has a bigger knife (I’m looking your way Mister Voorhes).
    4. Baseball Bat. This one is an American classic. Whether it is in the hands of street toughs, or baseball players, or baseball themed street toughs (come out and playay) this is an effective improvised weapon. Bonus points if it has some nails in it.
    3. Shovel. This humble gardening implement can turn into a deadly weapon in the hands of a skilled warrior (The Shoveler, Shovel Knight, etc.). It has good reach, it’s got a sharp side for slashing, it’s got a blunt side for bonking. It’s a great improvised weapon.
    2. Car. Mass x Velocity equals victory. If nothing else works, running that unstoppable foe over with a car will probably work. Also works on helicopters.
    1. Half-Brick in a Sock. Will work on unnamable abominations from beyond the pale.

  2. 5. Golf Club: Toss-up between this and a baseball bat, but the club delivers more force and potential damage to a smaller area. Available at most second-hand stores, likely from some guy who blamed the equipment for his weak game instead of his follow-through.

    4. Compressed Air: Turn it upside down and blast away. Enemies will likely fare worse than the T-1000 did.

    3. Duct Tape: On your fists, helps prevent injury from knocking someone around, and thick enough, it might defend against cuts or bites. It can also be used as quick tripwire, or placed on doors to let you know if someone’s been through them.

    2. Sand/Debris/Pocket Change: Anything that can be a potential distraction that fits in the palm of your hand. Surprise! Then launch your actual attack, or beat a hasty tactical retreat.

    1. Maglight: Effective for both seeing in the dark, and as a short-range bludgeon. Additionally, in the dark, keeping a powerful beam of light in your enemy’s face works effectively well, especially if you’re not trying to hurt them.

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