Nearly a century after the codification of the modern superhero, we have literally thousands of examples, with names ranging from poetic to “Morph.”  Some, however, are more descriptive than others…  Welcome to Ten Things!

Whooshman-Bicarbonate Films, in conjunction with ‘An Amateur Comics Historian’, and James Norcross, Super-President, Presents:

TEN SUPERS WHOSE ALIASES ARE REAL JOBS!

10) DOORMAN

Doorman

DeMarr Davis was a young mutant with the power to create portals through the Darkforce Dimension (a conceit in the Marvel Universe that explains why so many heroes manipulate solid darkness as though it were material) when he joined the Great Lakes Avengers.  During his tenure, he was killed, the resurrected by the cosmic entity Oblivion to serve as his new Deathurge, one of several literal angels of death in the Marvel U.  His powers have no connection to the real life job of “doorman”, by which one serves as ceremonial door guardian, usually in classy hotels and such…

 

9)THE BOUNCER

Bouncer-II

Jerry Feldon’s second H-Dial transformation, in the pages of ‘H.E.R.O.’, The Bouncer had the power to… bounce.

To be honest, though, super-powered leg muscles aren’t a bad ability to have, as Spider-Man and others will tell you, and he actually shares his name with the Golden Age Bouncer, who was a statue animated by sorcery.  Once again, his name bears no resemblance to the real-life job of ‘Bouncer’, which is quite similar to a Doorman, only in less-classy locales, with more implications of violence to keep people out of their domain…

 

8)THE WILD HUNTSMAN

Wild Huntsman

Albrecht Von Mannheim has a great name.  Just SO great.  And his power-set comes from being the reincarnation of a legendary warrior, and is accompanied not only by a magical steed but by a powerful magic hound as well.  A close following of the appearances of the character seems to imply that he’s able to repeatedly return from the dead (unless he keep getting retconned which, for a DC hero, is a real possibility) as well.  The real-life job of huntsman/hunter was the cornerstone of society for many centuries…

 

7) BEEFEATER

Beefeater

The actual job title is “Yeomen Warders of Her Majesty’s Royal Palace and Fortress the Tower of London, and Members of the Sovereign’s Body Guard of the Yeoman Guard Extraordinary”, but the job of Beefeater does exist, albeit more as tour guide/attraction than in their original duties of protecting the Tower Of London.  Beefeater himself was a laughably ineffectual hero, making the hapless Justice League Europe look competent by comparison, making the last of his sporadic appearances at Booster Gold’s funeral during the events of ’52.’

 

6) THE HUMAN FLY

Human-Fly-III

The original Human Fly, Harry Gardiner, gained notoriety by climbing tall buildings with his bare hands, wearing no special equipment and in turn-of-the-century street clothes.  Several other stunt climber types used his alias as job description in later years, including Rick Rojatt, whose costumed antics in the era of Evel Kneivel inspired this Marvel Comics hero.  Marvel’s Human Fly clocked in 19 issues circa 1979, which is pretty impressive given that this image makes him look like the superhero version of Poochie from The Simpsons…

 

5) WAR NURSE

War-Nurse

Though bearing a strong resemblance to Wonder Woman, War Nurse bore the distinction of actually serving as a combat nurse in the European theatre.  Though her career was a short one, Pat’s team of Girl Commandos included a rare non-stereotyped Asian character, and outlasted World War II itself.  If nothing else, you have to admire the chutzpah to fight enemy soldiers in a crop top and heels…

 

4) MAIDMAN

Maidman

In the world of ‘Empowered’, the superheroes of the world tend to be vainglorious dolts, often sexist and pretty awful, even as they use their powers to save the world (and earn publicity.)  Not so the Maidman, whose activities mark him as one of the good ones, as well as one of the most competent and feared heroes.  With his gimmicked broom and combat skills, he’s like Batman in patent-leather stilettos.

 

3) THE SHOVELER

Shoveler

A family man whose wife and kids aren’t entirely onboard with the whole ‘costumed hero’ gig, Eddy nonetheless takes to the streets of Champion City to do what he can against badness and evilocracy.  Along with his comrades (the heroes of the movie ‘Mystery Men’), he is responsible for the defeat of Casanova Frankenstein, greatest villain of them all.  (They also killed Captain Amazing, the most powerful of the heroes, but… Bygones.)  Presumably, Eddy’s shoveling prowess was borne of a career in the shoveling arts, perhaps as the apocryphal ditch digger that my gramma used to invoke whenever my grades were bad…

 

2) THE PHANTOM REPORTER

Phantom-Reporter

An extremely minor Golden Age character, Dick Jones (not the one from Robocop) made a singular appearance as the cape-and-hat crusader in 1940, when being an intrepid reporter was all the rage.  In modern times, Dick and several of his compatriots were revived from suspended animation, only to find the modern age far beyond their comprehension.  As ‘The Twelve’, Dick and the other heroes found that being a traditional masked adventurer in the modern Marvel U was nigh-impossible, and he was one of the only members to maintain his heroic identity after the end of their miniseries…

 

1) THE ENGINEER

Engineer

A founding member of The Authority, Angela Spica is infused with nanobots that give her a range of abilities and powers, but don’t do anything for her obvious exhibitionist tendencies.  As a woman who grew up on a diet of superhero comics, Angie actually developed her machine/human hybrid experiments in order to get super-powers, leading her to be a key member of The Authority both in the Wildstorm and the revamped New 52 DC Universes.  Most impressively, she is actually an engineer and scientist in real life…

Thanks to Faithful Spoilerite StellarLeader (@mpobletea) for this week’s theme, and feel free to follow along (@MightyKingCobra) for more Ten Things madness on Twitter! As with any set of like items, these aren’t meant to be hard and fast or absolutely complete, especially with Doctor Seamstress and The Phantom Babysitter still at large…

Either way, the comments section is Below for just such an emergency, but, as always: Please, no wagering!

[signoff predefined=”PayPal Donation” icon=”icon-cog”][/signoff]

The Author

Matthew Peterson

Matthew Peterson

Once upon a time, there was a young nerd from the Midwest, who loved Matter-Eater Lad and the McKenzie Brothers... If pop culture were a maze, Matthew would be the Minotaur at its center. Were it a mall, he'd be the Food Court. Were it a parking lot, he’d be the distant Cart Corral where the weird kids gather to smoke, but that’s not important right now... Matthew enjoys body surfing (so long as the bodies are fresh), writing in the third person, and dark-eyed women. Amongst his weaponry are such diverse elements as: Fear! Surprise! Ruthless efficiency! An almost fanatical devotion to pop culture!

And a nice red uniform.

Previous post

Major Spoilers Question Of The Day: The Best Robin Edition

Next post

Harrow County #9 Review

2 Comments

  1. February 10, 2016 at 12:03 pm — Reply

    I got another mention, yay! (/victorydance)

    I have to say that my suggestion was mostly random, but I’m incredibly happy that you manage to make a list about it!

  2. DamienR
    February 10, 2016 at 1:17 pm — Reply

    You ranked the Shoveler, and not Captain Ulysses Hazard, codename: Gravedigger?

    Or that time that Jan Arrah went by ‘Alchemist’…

You know you have something to say, say it in the comment section