As someone who grew a goatee in the early 1990s (I went to a Halloween party as ‘The Evil Me From The Mirror Universe’) and never shaved, I have no illusions of beardly glory.  To be blunt, I’d look awful with the currently fashionable coal miner/goat beard anyway and I can’t really pull off a glorious Steve Austin policeman’s mustache, so it’s probably my best option.  When it comes down to it, perhaps my favorite fictional beard belongs to Violet from ‘Rat Queens’ (she shaved it off before it was cool), but metafictionally speaking, it’s all about the luxurious sideburns of Mike from ‘The Monkees’, grown in real-life by actor/musician/renaissance man Michael Nesmith, leading to today’s tonsorial query…

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) has also always preferred Doctor Strange with his David Niven pencil ‘stache, giving him that air of sophistications and otherworldliness, asking: What fictional character has the best facial hair of all?


About Author

Once upon a time, there was a young nerd from the Midwest, who loved Matter-Eater Lad and the McKenzie Brothers... If pop culture were a maze, Matthew would be the Minotaur at its center. Were it a mall, he'd be the Food Court. Were it a parking lot, he’d be the distant Cart Corral where the weird kids gather to smoke, but that’s not important right now... Matthew enjoys body surfing (so long as the bodies are fresh), writing in the third person, and dark-eyed women. Amongst his weaponry are such diverse elements as: Fear! Surprise! Ruthless efficiency! An almost fanatical devotion to pop culture! And a nice red uniform.


  1. If you hadn’t specified fictional, I would have said Lemmy.

    I’m quite a big fan of Dum Dum Dugan’s mustache with the slight curl at the ends. Not a look I could ever pull off myself, but I do think it looks pretty cool.

  2. While there are several more impressive displays when it comes to volume, I still have to say Robin Hood, as portrayed by Erroll Flynn. That thin goatee & ‘stache combination goes perfectly with the smuggest smile that ever sumgged and his dashing swordplay, strengthened by witty lines and insults.

  3. Thomas Magnum would not work without the mustache. It’s the source of his power, and I went as him for Halloween last year.

  4. My favorite is Wolverine. No where eles is there such a bad facial hair pulled off so well as to drive many readers to buy both movies and comics.

  5. William Riker, whose beard is directly related to the quality of any given TNG episode. That’s why that first season is kind of Meh, clean shaven Riker.

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