When it comes to our favorite super-dupers, not everybody can be a mild-mannered reporter, Air Force nurse or international bon vivant and playboy, but that’s not to say their RWJ’s aren’t still impressive… Welcome to Ten Things!
Whooshman-Bicarbonate Films, in conjunction with ‘An Amateur Comics Historian’, and Supertemps, The Superhuman Employment Placement Agency, Presents:
TEN SUPERS WITH IMPRESSIVE DAY JOBS!
10) THE SUPER-GLOBETROTTERS
Though three of their number share powers and motifs with the earlier Impossibles super-team (Spaghetti-Man is basically the Impossibles’ Coil-Man; Liquid-Man is nearly indistinguishable from Fluid Man, right down to the ‘F’ on his suit; and Multi-Man is… Multi-Man) The Super-Globetrotters are a busy bunch, taking time from their ritual beat-downs on the Washington Generals to fight would-be world-beaters, criminal masterminds and picayune jerks, all of whom managed to field a basketball team of minions, because “theme.” Still, world-famous athletes don’t have to fight ANY crime, so you can’t really fault the Super-G’s, even with such a narrow field of focus.
Supermodel-turned-superhero Four is a one-woman brand of her own, even joining forces with a production company to create the television program Wildguard, where would-be superheroes auditioned to become the charter members her very own (and, importantly, Four-led) super-team. She’s like Cindy Crawford, if she had superhuman strength.
Wait, am I dating myself?
Shoot, she’s like… ummmm… I dunno, Kylie Jenner? Whatever your frame of reference, she holds the rare distinction of being as photographed out of her costumed identity as she is in it…
8) KEMLO CAESAR, HYPERDOG
As the sergeant in Precinct Ten (Neopolis Police Department’s best and brightest officers, all of whom have superpowers), Kemlo Caesar is in charge of assigning cases, keeping the peace between his officers and generally acting as central comptroller for ongoing investigations. After the unceremonious termination of the captain, the former Jetlad, Kemlo accepted a promotion to Captain, overseeing all the work of NPD’s officers, known colloquially as ‘Top Ten.’
Another example of a hero who is as well-known out of action as she is in it, Jennifer Walters’ day-job is that of a trial lawyer, prosecuting cases and helping to shape the law of the land. Whether working for a large firm like Goodman, Lieber, Kurtzberg & Holliway (there are some in-jokes there, by the way) or on her own, the amount of work that goes into her day job is impressive, especially given the strange precedents that must have been set in a world where Galactus attacks are a thing… Can you imagine how difficult it must be to make charges stick when the criminal was clubbed about the head and left webbed to a street lamp with a note?
6) GHOST RIDER
The greatest stunt-rider of the modern age, Johnny Blaze plied his trade for many years in venues big and small. When things went bad, he still practiced his nigh-impossible motorcycle mastery in the tiny Quentin Carnival, giving his best for even the smallest of audiences. Though he was once defeated by another rider named Flagg Fargo, Johnny regained his crown later, and did so while possessed by a demon who occasionally caused him to burst into flames and punish the guilty. Let’s see Evel Kneivel pull that one off, eh?
5) MOON KNIGHT
While driving a cab isn’t the most glamorous profession in the world, Marc Spector (or, more properly, “Jake Lockley”) gets major points for balancing that gig with his mercenary career as Marc, the jet-setting life of international bon vivant and playboy Steven Grant, as well as his silver-hooded alter-ego. Moon Knight’s adoption of four separate identities was a difficult one, and the stress led to some psychological issues for Spector, but you have to appreciate his dedication to the eradication of crime…
First the prince, then the king of the European duchy of Markovia, his majesty Brion Markov was empowered to put down an insurrection in his homeland. The intervention of Batman and the heroes who would become the Outsiders brought him out of his sheltered royal life and into the madness that is Gotham City. Balancing the governance of an entire country (even one that has, like, 200 people in it) with his eventual leadership of The Outsiders and his later ten-minute membership in the Justice League Of America makes it clear that, aside from his superhuman strength and endurance, Geo-Force also has great mental tenacity as well.
James Norcross: Empowered by a cosmic storm with powers and abilities far above those of mortal congressmen, becomes in times of turmoil, the mighty SUPER-PRESIDENT! As the leader of the free world, Norcross has a lot on his plate, but not so much that he can’t suit up and beat the snot out of monsters, mutants and masterminds as necessary. Most impressively, his super cognomen makes it clear that he doesn’t care WHO knows his true identity, and he has even created a secret super-lair within the White House itself. Given the number of duties, both procedural and ceremonial, that a sitting president has, his cowled adventures may be the most impressive use of time-management skill in history.
2) CAPTAIN MARVELOUS
There are dozens of superheroes who work in the media, hundreds of self-made millionaires, and (as this list has shown) even a couple of world-leaders, but young Marvelous has one of the best gigs of all: Space Pirate! Traveling the universe in search of whatever treasure strikes his fancy, Marvelous and his crew lay the smack down on the wicked Zangyack Empire and any other force that stands in his way. A true pirate does what he wants, but Marvelous’ hidden heart of gold means that he’ll defend the innocent as necessary before striking out to claim his latest booty…
1) BUCKAROO BANZAI
Physicist. Inventor. Neurosurgeon. Test Pilot. Famed far and wide for his rock and roll chops, Doctor Buckaroo Banzai is more than just a hero, he’s a multi-media force of nature, leading his team of Hong Kong Cavaliers (and occasionally, his fans, the Blue Blaze Irregulars) to defeat all comers, even those who are terrible aliens from the Eighth Dimension. In practice, he’s like the living embodiment of every grade school dream, wrapped up in a metaphysical conundrum and freely spiced with humor, making his polymathic jack-of-all-trades secret identity perhaps the greatest day job of ’em all…
Thanks to Faithful Spoilerite @AbelUndercity for this category! Feel free to follow along (@MightyKingCobra) for more Ten Things madness on Twitter! As with any set of like items, these aren’t meant to be hard and fast or absolutely complete, as this list obviously omits rock icon Dazzler, shirtless archaeologist Hawkman and French foot-fighter Le Peregrine.
Either way, the comments section is Below for just such an emergency, but, as always: Please, no wagering![signoff predefined=”PayPal Donation” icon=”icon-cog”][/signoff]