Certain heroes just aren’t themselves without their signature weapon of choice: Captain America and his mighty shield.  Condor Joe and his feather shuriken.  Batman and…  Uhhhh…  Every implement known to man, except bat-shaped.  Even the heroes of Critical Hit might not be who they are if not for their various axes, swords, whips and bionic arms, as Dungeons and Dragons makes it doubly important that you know how to fighty-fighty.  But this also raises the question of which would be better; Is Mal Duncan’s sidearm superior to Han Solo’s blaster?  Would Crystal Gem Garnet’s gauntlets be more useful than Savant’s seven-league boots?  These questions of form and function are always fascinating, and lead us to today’s well-armed query…

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) has long had a love of the bludgeony-type stuff, but lately has developed an appreciation for the scimitar, asking: If you struck out on your epic quest of destiny right now, what would be your weapon of choice?

The Author

Matthew Peterson

Matthew Peterson

Once upon a time, there was a young nerd from the Midwest, who loved Matter-Eater Lad and the McKenzie Brothers... If pop culture were a maze, Matthew would be the Minotaur at its center. Were it a mall, he'd be the Food Court. Were it a parking lot, he’d be the distant Cart Corral where the weird kids gather to smoke, but that’s not important right now... Matthew enjoys body surfing (so long as the bodies are fresh), writing in the third person, and dark-eyed women. Amongst his weaponry are such diverse elements as: Fear! Surprise! Ruthless efficiency! An almost fanatical devotion to pop culture!

And a nice red uniform.

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11 Comments

  1. August 5, 2015 at 11:47 am — Reply

    Just a little Walther P-38 pistol. Which transforms into a MEGATRON!

  2. Alisha
    August 5, 2015 at 11:53 am — Reply

    Either a Nightsister Energy Lance from Star Wars or a Ma’Tok Staff (the Jaffa staff that also shoots blasts) from Stargate. In both games and real life, I’ve always had more interest in melee weapons over guns and other things, and I’m quite fond of polearms, so I’m going with something I’d actually be able to use.

    On the more realistic side, a good durable sword (or two), preferably something like a katana or scimitar rather than a broadsword.

  3. DamienR
    August 5, 2015 at 11:56 am — Reply

    Taking the lesson from Jimmy Malone about not bringing a knife to a gunfight, I’d have to go with a Klingon Type-3 disruptor. You know, for personal security.

    Although, thinking about my own abilities (or lack thereof) I may be more suited to simply wearing a LoSH force-field belt…

  4. Royce
    August 5, 2015 at 12:52 pm — Reply

    I’d take Thundarr’s Fabulous Sunsword. It’s like a light saber, but it can also deflect magic bolts from evil wizards.

  5. Mike
    August 5, 2015 at 1:45 pm — Reply

    I’m going to cheat:

    Megas XLR!

    • Alisha
      August 5, 2015 at 2:22 pm — Reply

      You don’t know how hard I had to try to stop myself from just using any of the Super Sentai mecha. And I don’t even mean the obvious choice of the combined mech, even just a single mech would do since they are still more powerful than most other things. They could just step on or run over any opposition I may face and be done with it.

  6. Jeffrey Corbello
    August 5, 2015 at 3:27 pm — Reply

    My weapon of choice has always been a baseball bat with a bunch of nails through it.
    It’s a blunt weapon and a piercing weapon.
    And it makes a highly effective back scratcher.

  7. Kirby
    August 5, 2015 at 7:48 pm — Reply

    SCI-FI: Space Ghost’s do-anything blasters.

    Fantasy: The staff Goku used as a kid.

  8. Dan Langsdale
    August 5, 2015 at 10:38 pm — Reply

    Sonic screwdriver. Them suckers do just about everything.

    • Alisha
      August 6, 2015 at 11:39 am — Reply

      Can I be the one to ask “What are you going to do? Assemble a cabinet at them?”?

  9. Ghaleonx5z
    August 6, 2015 at 9:05 pm — Reply

    Assuming the Orb wouldn’t just destroy me when I touched it, The Sword of the Rivan King.

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