For the third week running, I’ve got Taylor Swift stuck on loop in my head, and nothing seems to be successful in exorcising her. Since sometimes you just have to turn into the skid, I’m going to heed her words and address the fellas (and gals) over there, with the hella-good hair and maybe the occasional super-power. Welcome to Ten Things!
Whooshman-Bicarbonate Films, in conjunction with ‘An Amateur Comics Historian’, and ‘Pert Plus For Dandruff’, Presents:
TEN SUPERS WITH GREAT HAIR!
Though the original Spider-Woman was thrown aside callously in the 1980s, the 21st Century has brought a resurgence in popularity for Jessica Drew, due mostly to three factors, one of which is her gorgeous hair. (As for the other two, I choose to exercise a bit of decorum…) Jessica’s costume may have changed, but her massive cloud of ebony curls has not, and it should be noted that the fallow period of her history coincided with a drastic haircut. I’m not saying that shearing off her beautiful tresses for a pixie hairdo was the reason she got shunted aside for other Spider-Women, but the timing is quite suspicious…
Literal guitar god and immortal powerhouse of The Justice Friends, any resemblance to The Mighty Thor is 100% intentional. As with Thor in The Avengers, he is much more powerful than his compatriots (only his mighty riffs could touch the villainous Badaxtra, for instance) and his sonic might is only overshadowed by his gorgeous blond locks. Rumors that he enhances his tresses with lemon juice are, as of this writing, unconfirmed…
8) SYNN, THE GIRL FROM L.S.D.
Silva Synn was once an exotic dancer, until an experiment gave her strange reality-warping powers and made her a key member of the Femforce (“key”, in this case, also means “they want to keep an eye on her, lest she trip out the entire eastern seaboard.”) Seemingly a natural platinum blonde, Synn can fly, teleport, and is clearly immune to split ends and high humidity. Even among the Femforce, where gorgeous hair abounds, Synn’s prodigious mane stands out as one of the most perfect heads of hair in comics history.
7) PUNK MAMBO
The Mohawk has a long and storied comics history, from Nuklon of ‘Infinity Inc’ to… um… Okay, maybe it’s not as long and storied as I thought. Either way, Valiant comics newest hero is a voodoo priestess who cuts a striking figure, especially since she practices her mystical mojo in the swamps of Louisiana. With her sky-high purple ‘hawk, she is much more (and seemingly much OLDER) than she seems, and her combination of 70s punk flair with traditional comic-style vodoun makes for an interesting contrast.
Oh, wait! I forgot about O.M.A.C.!
6) GOLDEN GUARD
Like Femforce, the Hero Alliance is known for members with beautiful hair (as well as penchant for impossibly-tight costumes and lingerie as daywear in the ‘Good Girl Art’ tradition), but Kris, The Golden Guard, stands out. Her team is full of blondes and platinum blondes, but Kris’ ginger locks stand out. Later issues will reveal that her powers are related to her self-esteem and level of sexual arousal, with her hair playing a key part in both states of mind…
Like Queen Medusa of the Inhumans, Rapunzel’s hair is more than just lovely, it’s actually her super-power. Able to grow her tresses at will, as well as to control them for use as a whip, among others, she gets the edge over Medusa because of her stylish stripe. (Though often referred to as a “Rogue Patch”, the correct nomenclature is “Inverted Abby Cable” or “Femme-Reed Richards.”) Also worth nothing: Her hair-powers include increased strength in her neck muscles and skeletal structure, as well as enhances durability, as well as that cool ‘Feria Hot Chile Red’ coloration.
Suddenly appearing in the middle of the Outsiders’ first mission, the girl known as Halo knew nothing of her past, her family or the source of her super-versatile light powers. She was also fashion-forward for 1983, featuring colorful highlights in RYB colors, much like the kids today. She is later revealed to be an alien being from another dimension, which explains not only her perfect blonde locks, but how we never see her red/blue patches grow out their golden roots…
The mullet gets a lot of bad press, thanks to its misapplication by the likes of Billy Ray Cyrus, but in it’s most pure state, it’s no more heinous than the buzzcut or the ridiculous goat-beards that all the hepcats are wearing these days. Thunderhead was the strongman of The Young Heroes, and his hair befit his rock ‘n roll persona (ironically, if he knew of Valhallen, he would probably be a role model for the T-man) and his real life gig as a bouncer-slash-struglling-guitarist. Mock his mane if you want, but he wears it sincerely and he wears it well…
2) BLACK LIGHTNING
Major Spoilers EIC Stephen and I have repeatedly clashed about the brilliance of Black Lightning’s hair. In his initial appearances, Jefferson Pierce wore his hair close-cropped, donning a combination mask-and-afro that served double-duty by concealing his identity and working as a de facto crash helmet. In later stories, Jeff grew his own hair out, and of late has been rocking the bald head of leadership, but somehow, Black Lighting is never quite as cool as he was when he wore his trusty (and super-stylish for 1977) afro-helm of power!
1) MISS AMERICA
Much like Black Lightning (who actually debuted the same month) Miss America’s hair is actually a part of her helmet, which should be obvious, given that both Diana Martin and Maria Nagisa, who shared the role, have naturally black hair. All the members of Battle Fever J have national identities, owing to their origins as a Sentai adaptation of Captain America, but only Miss A has the beautiful golden hair. Indeed, of all the 200+ Super Sentai heroes in the past 39 or so years, she is the only one to pull off helmet hair, which says something about how unique a look it is…
Feel free to follow along (@MightyKingCobra) for more Ten Things madness on Twitter! As with any set of like items, these aren’t meant to be hard and fast or absolutely complete, especially with Storm, She-Hulk and Phantom Girl unaccounted for… In any case, the comments section is Below for just such an emergency, but, as always: Please, no wagering![signoff predefined=”PayPal Donation” icon=”icon-cog”][/signoff]