Garbage Pail Kids were my forbidden fruit as a child. Disgusting, vulgar and rude, they were the cards I yearned for but never allowed to have (though I was able to score some through secret channels). Now I’m an adult and I can waste my money however I want, so I snatched up the new Garbage Pail Kids Comic Book Puke-Tacular one-shot in yet another attempt at reliving some of my childhood. Read on for the review.
GARBAGE PAIL KIDS COMIC BOOK PUKE-TACULAR
Writer: Peter Bagge, Bill Wray, Shaun Manning, Vito Delsante, Joe Simko, Jeff Zapata
Artist: Peter Bagge, Hilary Barta, Mark Pingitore, Dean Haspiel, Joe Simko
Inker: Jay Lynch, Fred Wheaton
Letterer: Robbie Robbins
Colorist: Jason Millet, Jeff Zapata
Editor: Denny Tipton
Publisher: IDW Publishing
Cover Price: $3.99
NOT JUST IMMATURE, HORRIBLY WRITTEN
Garbage Pail Kids were never more than trashy and immature humor but there was also something special. A certain creativity was in the characters even if many were disgusting and downright inappropriate for the audience they were aiming for. The cover to Garbage Pail Kids Comic Book Puke-Tacular states “Suggested for Immature Readers 13+”. This isn’t a book for immature readers. This isn’t a book for anyone. Garbage Pail Kids Comic Book Puke-Tacular is easily the worst comic I’ve read this year, maybe ever.
I’m not one to turn down a great dick, fart or poop joke but this issue takes Garbage Pail Kids beyond immature and into downright offensive and horrible writing. Think pooping is funny? Then you’ll be pleased to know that the longest story, appropriately titled “$#!tstorm,” is seven pages of Jason Basin Burster and Potty Scotty having a $#!t contest, resulting in Earth being covered in feces. Still not funny enough? Well, they have to suck it back up their butts through straws at the end. Other stories involve a “normal” kid trying to fit into a school full of Garbage Pail Kids, Fryin’ Brian stealing a comic and being executed in the electric chair and various tales involving comic conventions with characters barely resembling anything close to Garbage Pail Kids. I never laughed once. When the only story in your comic that elicits a chuckle is one page long, something is seriously wrong. And yes, it involves someone taking a dump. Maybe my age is showing and Garbage Pail Kids were only funny to me because I was immature, but the humor here is the worst of the worst. Even with all the immaturity there is some surprisingly adult language. Using symbols and characters rather than letters still doesn’t excuse language that thirteen year olds shouldn’t be reading. Constantly going for the easiest, filthiest and childish joke possible, none of the writing makes the book worth a glance.
EVEN THE ART USED TO BE BETTER
Say what you will about the concept but the artwork on the cards was well done and uncanny in its resemblance to Cabbage Patch Kids. “How to be a Garbage Pail Kid 101” is the only story with art close to what the Topps trading cards looked like. The rest of the issue is the artists interpreting characters in their own style, ranging from Robert Crumb lookalikes to Saturday morning cartoons. So much of the art involves bodily fluids it’s hard to say what looks “good,” but it services the stories they’re trying to tell. I have very little more to say. The coloring is nice and bright but how can you critique artwork that has people literally drowning in $hit?
BOTTOM LINE: ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN THIS
If you get even the slightest inclination to pick up Garbage Pail Kids Comic Book Puke-Tacular, don’t! Nothing here is worth reading and there are better ways to waste $3.99. It’s also been listed as a kid’s title, but be warned: there is material, specifically language, inappropriate for children. A review should always find at least one thing positive about its subject but the only things I can is the art in one story at least resembles the original trading cards and some of the coloring is well done. Maybe I’m too old for Garbage Pail Kids, but I doubt it and there is no excuse for writing this bad. If I didn’t work in a comic shop with hope of trading the book back, I’d probably be furious. My heart goes out to the other poor suckers who dropped money on this.