My mother once told me, “Never grocery shop when you’re hungry.”  It’d good advice, albeit a bit hard to pull off if you’ve already run out of food in your house.  For my part, I could use a Reuben sammich with sauerkraut, but with my wife out of town on business, your humble MS-QOTD might possibly have miscalculated the need for shopping…  Worst of all, I hadn’t realized that mother’s advice applied equally to my favorite pop culture: Jughead’s hamburgers, Deadpool’s chimichangas, even Garfield’s lasagna mock me from all sides, and let’s not even talk about the appeal of a nice slice of pizza, even served to me by a giant reptile out of a sewer.  But, as the saying goes, ‘When life gives you esplas, make esplanade’, whatever that means, which leads us to today’s comestible query…

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) can’t understand why people are frightened by my choice of peanut butter and cheese, especially with a nice sharp cheddar, asking: If you were making a sandwich right now, what would you want on it?

The Author

Matthew Peterson

Matthew Peterson

Once upon a time, there was a young nerd from the Midwest, who loved Matter-Eater Lad and the McKenzie Brothers... If pop culture were a maze, Matthew would be the Minotaur at its center. Were it a mall, he'd be the Food Court. Were it a parking lot, he’d be the distant Cart Corral where the weird kids gather to smoke, but that’s not important right now... Matthew enjoys body surfing (so long as the bodies are fresh), writing in the third person, and dark-eyed women. Amongst his weaponry are such diverse elements as: Fear! Surprise! Ruthless efficiency! An almost fanatical devotion to pop culture!

And a nice red uniform.

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13 Comments

  1. nordberg01
    September 17, 2014 at 11:40 am — Reply

    The Pilgrim Sandwich:

    Turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce on a thick-cut 9-grain bread.

  2. Paul
    September 17, 2014 at 12:18 pm — Reply

    There is no perfect sandwich. Much like there is no spoon.

    There are just too many variables for me to even begin to come up with one single sandwich that I love more than any other.

    Right now, I actually crave a KFC burger of some kind, which is technically a sandwich…

    • Ingrid
      September 17, 2014 at 1:09 pm — Reply

      Thinly shaved pastrami and a nice medium Swiss cheese on a fresh, slightly chewy rye bread. That’s a sandwich!

      Although every now and then I go for homemade egg salad and green olives on homemade white bread.

  3. September 17, 2014 at 2:02 pm — Reply

    Since I don’t have the ingredients to make a Reuben, I’ll just make an “Ali is Crazy Special” (named by my friend’s son).

    Start off with two slices of bread (or a bun if you have it), then put mayo on one slice, Miracle Whip on the other. Set one slice aside and put the other in the middle of the plate. Then pile on two to six slices of good deli ham, turkey or chicken (or any combination of them), then add two to four slices of hard salami (depending on size), a small dab of honey mustard, three slices of bacon, lettuce, tomato and a couple long sliced bread, butter pickles, one slice each of American, Muenster and Co-Jack cheeses and whatever your preferred potato chips (I like Kitchen Cooked) before finally placing the second bread slice on top. Admire the beauty of the sandwich for 20 to 60 seconds (this is indeed part of the process).

    Alternately, you could replace the deli meat with a burger patty and the potato chips with onion rings.

    Failing that, a grilled cheese is always good (and quick).

    • TheWolverine
      September 17, 2014 at 2:22 pm — Reply

      Pardon my Homer Simpson drool. Yuuummmm…..

      • September 17, 2014 at 3:26 pm — Reply

        Two of my friend’s kids have separately seen when I make one and did a Homer Simpson impression of “Mmmmm, sandwich”, so your response made me laugh because it reminded me of that.

  4. September 17, 2014 at 2:11 pm — Reply

    Sourdough, Pastrami and Corned Beef, Swiss, Lettuce, Tomato, Mayo.

  5. Frank
    September 17, 2014 at 3:52 pm — Reply

    Coincidentally today, we had peanut butter and banana sandwiches. My wife likes mayo on one slice of bread.
    One of my comfort foods is pineapple slice and mayonnaise. It’s probably the weirdest sandwiches I know of.

    • September 17, 2014 at 4:46 pm — Reply

      I miss those. It has been about 20 years and I’m still upset that I can’t eat anything with bananas (I developed several food allergies in my early mid teens, including banana and cantaloupe *sobs*).

  6. Oldcomican
    September 17, 2014 at 8:20 pm — Reply

    Grilled tuna and cheese on rye with a slice of ripe tomato pushed into the melted cheese. Yum!!!

  7. Will
    September 17, 2014 at 8:51 pm — Reply

    I’d loved a lightly toasted sandwich with some cheddar, lettuce, bacon, turkey and pickles(in no particular order). If the rules allow it, this could be in sub form, but otherwise, I’d take some nice slices of whole wheat bread.

  8. Kirby
    September 17, 2014 at 8:53 pm — Reply

    Cheesburger, with preferably provolone cheese, but American will do in a pinch. Also has lettuce and is dripping in mayo.

    • September 18, 2014 at 9:50 am — Reply

      Ha! I’m not the only one who puts mayo on a burger!

      I often have to put up with weird looks and bizarre questions from friends when I put mayo on a burger, even after I point out that some of the special burgers they like from fast food restaurants have mayo on them. Technically my teenage goddaughter does it too, but her parents swear she only does it to emulate me and cannot seem to comprehend that she actually does like it that way.

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