I love it when fine Spoilerites (like you) write in with comments and suggestions about the site, or offer up an idea for the Major Spoilers Poll of the Week. This week, Silvergray returns with a battle that is a bit bizarre and one we would really be interested in seeing play out.

This week, it’s a battle of the comic strip stars! In one corner the star of Calvin and Hobbes, the six-year-old with the imagination – CALVIN!  In the other corner, the kid with the bald head and a father who is a barber – Charlie Brown!


Who would win in a fight? (comment here)

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The Author

Stephen Schleicher

Stephen Schleicher

Stephen Schleicher began his career writing for the Digital Media Online community of sites, including Digital Producer and Creative Mac covering all aspects of the digital content creation industry. He then moved on to consumer technology, and began the Coolness Roundup podcast. A writing fool, Stephen has freelanced for Sci-Fi Channel's Technology Blog, and Gizmodo. Still longing for the good ol' days, Stephen launched Major Spoilers in July 2006, because he is a glutton for punishment.

You can follow him on Twitter @MajorSpoilers and tell him your darkest secrets...

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  1. Derek
    September 2, 2014 at 11:25 am — Reply

    Charlie Brown is a depressing sad sack, who is the world’s punching bag. That kid has some desperate rage boiling underneath the surface.

  2. Arcturus Mengsk
    September 2, 2014 at 11:34 am — Reply

    Sorry Charlie, between Stupendous Man and Spaceman Spiff you don’t stand a chance.

  3. Dan
    September 2, 2014 at 11:40 am — Reply

    given the pent-up rage Charlie Brown must be harboring inside over the decades, i’d say he could have the early advantage. however, Calvin’s psychosis/overactive imagination would handily win the day. Calvin all the way.

  4. Little Franklin Miller
    September 2, 2014 at 11:53 am — Reply

    Everybody is going to vote Calvin.

    They are wrong.

    Everything you know is a lie! Hello Kitty is a Velociraptor! Pluto is a PENINSULA!
    Look into Chuck Brown’s BLACK soulless eyes, he has the eyes of an animal, a killer! All that bottled up rage, desperation…
    Just look at the pole pictures. Calvin knows what’s coming.

    Chucky Chuckles here is a ticking time bomb. Cal has been living the sweet life, the easy life, the dream, the stripy catnap.
    Chuck knows hardship. He’s the Captain of hardships. The perpetual “Nemo”. The Rear Admiral of life. The skipper without a skip in his step. He’s a diver and he’s always down.

    Chaotic zigzag shirt beats stripes. Banner beats Tony in Hulkbuster.

    Maybe if Cal had his tiger he’d have a chance. But Charlie beat leukaemia (I assume), he came out of the war!
    OL’ Charlie boy takes it, easy. Calvin goes down, hard.

    I see into Charlie Brown’s soul and I see beauty, divinity, haAtredD!

  5. Brian
    September 2, 2014 at 11:54 am — Reply

    Calvin’s got an overactive imagination and all the energy that a bowl of Chocolate Covered Sugar Bombs can provide, but Charlie Brown’s got more than enough repressed anger built up and access to his baseball team’s equipment locker. My gut is telling me to go with Good ol’ Chuck B. and I really don’t want to think about children fighting enough to go into further depth.

    Either way, Lucy’s going to earning a nickel.

  6. September 2, 2014 at 12:13 pm — Reply

    Tracer Bullet has a mean streak a mile wide. Charlie Brown’s gonna take an afternoon dirt nap.

  7. Ryan roeger
    September 2, 2014 at 12:57 pm — Reply

    A beauty of a battle, the kid with endless imagination versus the wishy washy ziggy zagging boy. A bout between a six year old and a 4-8.5 year old and I’m putting my bet on the kid who loves his tiger more then anything winning with a ric flair inspired below the belt shot to good old chuck. Afterwards of course, peppermint patty puts Calvin in her shoulders and hits him with punks go to sleep, but that’s a fight for another day, Calvin all the way!

  8. September 2, 2014 at 1:34 pm — Reply

    I’m sure Calvin will probably win this, but having read Jason Yungbluth’s WEAPON BROWN, I give the fight to Chuck.

    [vimeo 78571997 w=500 h=281]

  9. September 2, 2014 at 1:34 pm — Reply

    One has a Tiger and a sport which he never looses at… the other is a blockhead and always a looser at baseball… This is sad because I identify with Charlie Brown more (that’s the depressed kid in me I guess), but know that Calvin would probably win…

  10. September 2, 2014 at 2:06 pm — Reply

    I had to go with Calvin because my nephew was named Calvin and I just got him a Hobbes doll in hopes that he’d become just as imaginative as the kid in the comic strip.

    • September 2, 2014 at 6:42 pm — Reply

      Debbie Downer time: those dolls (unless you made it yourself) are a copyright violation that are in no way, shape or form supported or endorsed by Bill Watterson. In fact his publishing company is pretty aggressive when it comes to protecting his artistic vision and they send cease and desist notices whenever they find people marketing Hobbes dolls. Bill Watterson has gone on record against them. I think it was in the 10th Anniversary book.

      I encourage everyone to not support illegal hucksters hocking Hobbes dolls.

      • Scale Enlie
        September 4, 2014 at 10:32 pm — Reply

        Hey, if an official Hobbes toy is released… sure go buy that instead. Until then, where’s the harm in purchasing a knock-off? It’s not like you’re taking a sale away from Bill Watterson.

      • September 5, 2014 at 8:32 pm — Reply

        It wasn’t an official Hobbes, though. It was just a tiger doll for him to call Hobbes.

        • September 5, 2014 at 8:32 pm — Reply

          Sorry, I meant it wasn’t an unofficial Hobbes.

  11. Cat Halo
    September 2, 2014 at 2:13 pm — Reply

    Calvin. Obviously. Charlie Brown doesn’t stand a chance against Calvin’s Machiavellian genius. Even his “pet”/friend would emerge victorious if they battled it out!

  12. Kirby
    September 2, 2014 at 4:53 pm — Reply

    As Calvin couldn’t exist without Charlie Brown, the Round-headed Kid wins. Brownie Charles would initially be picked on by Calvin, but Calvin would probably realize it wasn’t worth it, and maybe they’d be friends.

  13. Doug
    September 2, 2014 at 6:01 pm — Reply

    Charlie Brown does not exhibit repressed feelings. He endures the abuse, lets out a sigh, and all becomes water under the bridge. He doesn’t have it in him to be physically violent. Later in life, Charlie marries the little red-haired girl, becomes a software engineering genius, and makes a solid salary with sweet benefits, enjoying the company of an entire campus of like-minded souls from around the world. Meanwhile, Calvin progresses from “imaginative” child to slobbering, Ritalin induced teen, to hopeless paranoiac, struggling to find the right combination of medications while living in his parents basement. Calvin’s unprovoked attack on the innocent Charlie, who was minding his own business while walking his beagle in the park, sets the downfall in motion. During the confrontation, Snoopy (the third) rips the stuffed animal Hobbes into tiny shreds, sending Calvin into a violent seizure that destroys his last hold on reality. After succumbing to his hallucinations, Calvin now resides in a permanent schizophrenic state, and by order of the court resides in a state-run home for the mentally ill. Charlie shrugged off the event as if nothing had happened, then went over to the little red-haired girl’s house to play doctor (at her invitation). The End.

  14. Frank
    September 2, 2014 at 7:32 pm — Reply

    ^ This

  15. Oldcomicfan
    September 2, 2014 at 9:05 pm — Reply

    Calvin would win hands down. Poor Charlie Brown was a milquetoast of the first water, completely clueless, and wouldn’t know what to do in a fight. Calvin, on the other hand, had a mean streak a mile wide. He was always playing nasty tricks on adults, picking of Susie Derkins, and generally misbehaving. It would be like a battle between Gumby and Bluto Blutarsky – no contest at all!

  16. XDude
    September 3, 2014 at 2:40 am — Reply

    Ok, Calvin backers, listen up. Calvin may have a great imagination, but in the real world, he’s a creampuff. He gets beat up by bullies, girls, and… oh yeah, a stuffed toy on a regular basis. Charlie Brown has the pent up rage and all he needs is a little push and go all Ralphie on poor Calvin. ‘Nuff said.

  17. Scale Enlie
    September 3, 2014 at 5:29 am — Reply

    This is a crossover battle. It’s all about imagination. The battle can’t exist outside of imagination.

    And in Calvin’s imagination… there’s a tiger.

    A goddamn tiger.

    Calvin wins.

  18. Mr_Vorland
    September 3, 2014 at 5:58 pm — Reply

    Charlie Brown may have a few more friends to back him up than Calvin, but he’s also much more likely to just roll over and take whatever Spaceman Spiff dishes out.

  19. Shush
    September 5, 2014 at 8:55 am — Reply

    It is not in Charlie Brown’s nature to win.

    It’s Charlie Brown’s nature to swing for the fences. To see the football that Lucy is holding and hope to for glory. He dreams the impossible dream. It is Charlie Brown’s nature to TRY. Always, always try. Neverminding previous failures, frustrations, or shortcomings. Always. No matter what.

    And for that, I respect him.

    He will go the distance. Like Rocky Balboa, he will go those 10 rounds with Apollo Creed. But like Rocky, he will not win the fight. He wins his self-respect. There’s dignity in Charlie Brown. That’s all you can really ask for.

  20. September 5, 2014 at 11:46 am — Reply

    I chose Calvin because when Calvin is in the mix so is Spaceman Spiff and all of his other personalities.

  21. Ravi
    September 8, 2014 at 2:15 pm — Reply

    It’s about the sidekicks. Snoopy can take to the skies – air superiority wins every time.

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