When I was in middle school, I remember discussions of the cars we wanted to drive when we grew up, with talk of 1963 Corvettes, 1984 Camaros and such flying every which way.  One guy always wanted a tank (we didn’t ever let him play kickball, as he tackled), one guy wanted a Transformer-slash-Knight-Rider, while still another had already created detailed diagrams of the Lord Of The Rings characters and half-naked women he wanted painted on his grown-upvan.  Interestingly, 25 years later, he actually had an air-brushed panel van (albeit without the naked lady because of decorum), while most of our classmates drive their Priuses and 4X4s.  (There is surprisingly little middle ground to be had in the midwest.)  For my part, I just wanted something big and red, which exactly describes my current vehicle, with the slight revision that it doesn’t actually start just now, leading us to today’s vehicular query…

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) occasionally has to remind himself that it’s not 1979 anymore, especially with all the remakes coming out, asking: What image would you want painted on the side of your hypothetical custom van?

The Author

Matthew Peterson

Matthew Peterson

Once upon a time, there was a young nerd from the Midwest, who loved Matter-Eater Lad and the McKenzie Brothers... If pop culture were a maze, Matthew would be the Minotaur at its center. Were it a mall, he'd be the Food Court. Were it a parking lot, he’d be the distant Cart Corral where the weird kids gather to smoke, but that’s not important right now... Matthew enjoys body surfing (so long as the bodies are fresh), writing in the third person, and dark-eyed women. Amongst his weaponry are such diverse elements as: Fear! Surprise! Ruthless efficiency! An almost fanatical devotion to pop culture!

And a nice red uniform.

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  1. Ingrid
    June 25, 2014 at 12:26 pm — Reply

    I would want a Chinese style dragon in red and gold. Metallic gold. I was born in the year of the dragon and I embrace my inner dragon!

  2. Starks Scraps
    June 25, 2014 at 1:43 pm — Reply

    I want the van that Jonathon and Andrew bicker over in Buffy. The one with the Death Star on it? ohhhhh yeah.

  3. June 25, 2014 at 1:59 pm — Reply

    Turtle Van!

  4. Frank
    June 25, 2014 at 3:25 pm — Reply

    An X-wing on one side, TIE Fighter on the other.

  5. Kirby
    June 25, 2014 at 3:47 pm — Reply

    Captain Sisko punching Gul Dukat on one side & Odo and Quark sparring on the other.

  6. June 25, 2014 at 6:36 pm — Reply

    Rather than scenes, I’ve always planned to have logos/symbols. At various points in my life, I’d planned to have vans with either an Autobot or Decepticon symbol (in various spots as if it were an actual Transformer disguised as a van), a Ghostbusters logo (as if the van were the vehicle of a GB franchise), the Star Wars Imperial logo or a Green Lantern symbol. I had also planned to possibly paint the entire van to look like The Mystery Machine from Scooby-Doo.

  7. Doctor Dinosaur
    June 25, 2014 at 7:00 pm — Reply

    If you are going with a custom van you should go full-on custom van. Metal Hurlant, Prog-Rock album cover, sci-fi fantasy.

    Bearded wizard riding a unicorn/pegasus with a Heavy Metal Viking babe, blasting nazi-zombies left and right with a wand and a revolver. The planet saturn floating over them in the back. A hollow crimson hooded antagonist looming large, or perhaps a yellow king. Purple sky, red grass, three suns. The unicorn should have one of the zombie heads impaled on it’s horn.

    Why do a van mural half-hearted?

  8. Solid Muldoon
    June 27, 2014 at 12:26 am — Reply

    I’d paint mine to look like a Starfleet shuttlecraft.

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