Yesterday, on the Twitter, our very own Chris Wilson, review snaker extraordinaire and all-around knockabout guy, posited a posit that shook the very foundations of Major Spoilers: Could Aquaman control C’thulhu?  Stephen, with his arcane knowledge of all things Lovecraft and pulp, insisted no, while I with my reverence for the world of comics, maintain that the math should work.  While I certainly understand the counter-argument Stephen threw at me (‘Aquaman can’t control people who live in houseboats!’), I think that the true measure of any theoretical is what makes for a better story afterwards, and for my money, the idea of Arthur Curry defending the entirety of reality with only his big rubbery head is a compelling one.  Thus, we must take our conflict to a higher authority: You, the Faithful Spoilerites, which brings us to today’s brain-powered query…

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) reminds the cynics among us that *Eric Cartman* was able to control C’thulhu, and since he’s in the public domain, that’s a canonical appearance, asking: Should Aquaman be able to telepathically control (or TRY to control) C’thulhu?

The Author

Matthew Peterson

Matthew Peterson

Once upon a time, there was a young nerd from the Midwest, who loved Matter-Eater Lad and the McKenzie Brothers... If pop culture were a maze, Matthew would be the Minotaur at its center. Were it a mall, he'd be the Food Court. Were it a parking lot, he’d be the distant Cart Corral where the weird kids gather to smoke, but that’s not important right now... Matthew enjoys body surfing (so long as the bodies are fresh), writing in the third person, and dark-eyed women. Amongst his weaponry are such diverse elements as: Fear! Surprise! Ruthless efficiency! An almost fanatical devotion to pop culture!

And a nice red uniform.

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13 Comments

  1. Kirby
    May 30, 2014 at 11:40 am — Reply

    As much as it makes an awesome idea I’m going to say no, because doesn’t the very witnessing of C’thulhu drive one insane? Plus in Justice League episode Terror Beyond, Aquaman couldn’t control some of the Lovecraftian horrors in that, so I don’t believe he could take on one of the big dogs.

    That being said, would I pay top dollar for this in comic book? You bet.

  2. M. Walsh
    May 30, 2014 at 11:42 am — Reply

    He could try, but being as it’s Cthulhu, it should make Aquaman have a seizure and/or mental breakdown.

    • M. Walsh
      May 30, 2014 at 11:45 am — Reply

      Of course, it should be worth noting that–despite dwelling in the ocean and his octopus-like features–Cthulhu is not sea life. He is supposed to be a being beyond human comprehension, therefore Aquaman’s ability to control sea life should not apply.

      • May 30, 2014 at 12:32 pm — Reply

        My thoughts exactly.

        Despite slumbering beneath the sea, Big C isn’t a sea creature.

        • May 30, 2014 at 11:26 pm — Reply

          That was my whole argument right there…

          • Paul
            May 31, 2014 at 1:20 pm — Reply

            Damn you and your relentless logic, Schleicher!

            But if Cthulhu lives in the sea, surely it’s by default a sea creature in the same way that a sloth, living in a tree, is not a bird…. ;)

            • May 31, 2014 at 6:53 pm — Reply

              Octopi and squids resemble the Great Old Ones because they’re the three-dimensional impingement on our reality. Aquaman can communicate with them, thus, QED, he should be able to communicate with C’thulhu…

  3. Doctor Dinosaur
    May 30, 2014 at 12:36 pm — Reply

    He should be an Aquaman villain.

  4. May 30, 2014 at 12:53 pm — Reply

    Hey, if The Coon could befriend C’thulhu and use him to destroy hippies, then I bet Aquaman could at least get him to tip over a couple of whaling boats or something.

    • May 30, 2014 at 7:36 pm — Reply

      That’s just because Cartman… I mean The Coon has weird charismatic powers that allow him to have anyone under his sway, for a time, and then they hate him.

  5. Dan
    May 30, 2014 at 1:10 pm — Reply

    aren’t Cthulhu and the rest of the elder gods actually from outer space? by that rationale, no. should aquaman try anyway? hell yes. especially if it’s the brian blessed-influenced Brave & The Bold aquaman.

    • May 30, 2014 at 1:20 pm — Reply

      That should be the next DC Original Animated Movie!

  6. foolsmask
    June 1, 2014 at 7:43 am — Reply

    I don’t think it should be an automatic thing like it is with a shark or dolphin. It should be a struggle. The crux of the plot. It could also give the Atlanteans some extra cool factor if they are the “front line” that is keeping such horrors from destroying the surface.

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