In honor of this week’s Fantastic Four #1, we go back to one of the old-school wells of comic-book discussion, the nature of cosmic ray effects.  There are a lot of explanations about the Fantastic Four and their abilities, especially as to the classical four “elements” and who represents which.  Even if one were to poo-poo the Earth/Air/Fire/Water or the Father/Mother/Adolescent/Infant interpretation (Ben even wears a diaper), it’s clear that the four members of the FF are well-balanced not only in terms of abilities but in their general characterization and temperament as well.  If I were a Beatle, I’d be John; if I were a Monkee, I’d be Mike; which segues into today’s quartet-inspired query…

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) figures that for our purposes, there’s some sort of universal constant involved in cosmic radiation, leaving us locked into elemental shapes, asking: Cosmic Ray Attack!  Which Fantastic Four member would *YOU* be?

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Once upon a time, there was a young nerd from the Midwest, who loved Matter-Eater Lad and the McKenzie Brothers... If pop culture were a maze, Matthew would be the Minotaur at its center. Were it a mall, he'd be the Food Court. Were it a parking lot, he’d be the distant Cart Corral where the weird kids gather to smoke, but that’s not important right now... Matthew enjoys body surfing (so long as the bodies are fresh), writing in the third person, and dark-eyed women. Amongst his weaponry are such diverse elements as: Fear! Surprise! Ruthless efficiency! An almost fanatical devotion to pop culture! And a nice red uniform.

6 Comments

  1. As much as I would love to be The Thing. The correct answer is I would probably be Mr. Fantastic. But I’d be the version of Mr. Fantastic that would ignore his supermodel wife, and constantly destroying dimensional barriers for the fun of it.

  2. My friends say Human Torch because I’m a smart-@$$ and, in the words of my friend, “pretty hot” (bad, bad pun). I have to agree on the first part, not so sure about the second.

  3. If we’re talking the original 4 I’m probably gonna end up as The Thing.. Because of reasons..

    Brother says he’s Lockjaw, I personally think he’s way more of a Reed Richards though. Nobody relegates my brother to being the tin dog.

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