With the 2014 Winter Olympics in full swing, I find myself once again amazed at the feats of strength, agility and overall rubberiness exemplified by the athletes.  As a man who occasionally has trouble getting into compact cars (especially the ones with the automatic seatbelt device designed to choke you out like Kurt Angle with a grudge), I occasionally find myself thinking how nice it might be to do the flippity floppity stuff on the uneven ring bars (or words that make sense in a sports context.)  Then again, I might also like being able to leap over ring ropes like Sin Cara or swinging across the skyline like the Amazing Spider-Man, which in turn begs today’s query…

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) even thinks it might be cool to be as flexible as Melina Perez, though her signature splits look extremely painful, asking: If you could have the (purely physical) athletic abilities of any single person, who would you choose and why?


About Author

Once upon a time, there was a young nerd from the Midwest, who loved Matter-Eater Lad and the McKenzie Brothers... If pop culture were a maze, Matthew would be the Minotaur at its center. Were it a mall, he'd be the Food Court. Were it a parking lot, he’d be the distant Cart Corral where the weird kids gather to smoke, but that’s not important right now... Matthew enjoys body surfing (so long as the bodies are fresh), writing in the third person, and dark-eyed women. Amongst his weaponry are such diverse elements as: Fear! Surprise! Ruthless efficiency! An almost fanatical devotion to pop culture! And a nice red uniform.


  1. I would have to go with Jet Li. Speed and agility, grace and power, strength and flexibility all together a total package. As a child he used to beat grown men in wushu competitions. They had to cut a scene from “The One” because his unedited hands were moving so fast, test audiences thought he was C.G.!!!

  2. Since I was a kid I wished I had Beast’s prehensile feet, from that old X-Men cartoon, so I could read a book while hanging from a pull up bar.

  3. I’d take the athletic ability of any top level Olympic Handball goalkeeper. Because then I wouldn’t suck at it as badly as I do.

  4. If I can go with fictional characters, I’d like Spider-Man’s athletic abilities and reflexes (Yes, I know his strength, ability to cling to walls and Spidey Sense aren’t part of the deal).

    If someone real, then Jet Li.

    I have two reasons for these choices:
    1) Enhanced athletic ability and reflexes has been a common theme of a few of my superheroes based on myself since I was a kid. It just seemed to feel like it was more plausible than gaining invulnerability or flight, particularly since the skills were a result of experimental treatments
    2) With that kind of skill, I would have a much better chance of fulfilling my dream of becoming a Super Sentai character (preferably an extra Ranger or hero, but I’ll settle with an incredibly cute evil demon/alien/cyborg).

  5. Bruce Lee. The man was a physical beast. He pushed his body to extremes that people often a hard time believing. He even got up and recovered his beastly physical finesse after suffering a broken back, though reportedly not quite as well as before, but still… -broken spine-. There was serious doubt he would walk again. But just having that level of energy would be nice.

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