Some years ago, while out with a group of friends doing obnoxious group of friend things, a coworker named Denny informed our waitress that his name was ‘Enzio Beemish, of the Bayonne, New Jersey Beemishes,’ setting off a chain reaction of terrible fake names, including ‘Oliver Closehoff’ and of course, ‘Chuck Steak.’  Still, if the example of George Costanza teaches us only one thing (and the odds of that seem pretty solid), it’s that you need to have a good alias in your back pocket in case of emergency.  Unfortunately, not everyone can pull off the likes of ‘Art Vandelay of Vandelay Industries’ or ‘hand model connoisseur Regina Phalange’ (my college roommate actually inherited his nom de guerre of ‘Dwark Farquahrt’ from his father, like a family heirloom), which in turn begs a query…

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”), when unwillingly pressed for a name, has a tendency to fall back on ‘Carlisle Wheeling’, and will award large nerd points to the first Spoilerite who can explain why, asking: What, if pressed to provide one in a moment of stress and/or for comedic potential, would be your alias of choice?

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  1. comicfan1974
    January 31, 2014 at 12:03 pm — Reply

    Rusty Forkman

  2. January 31, 2014 at 12:58 pm — Reply

    I used to tell the ladies at bars that I was Cobra Verde, ping pong champion of the world. A few actually believed me.

  3. Kirby
    January 31, 2014 at 1:29 pm — Reply

    If it’s clear that I’m joking, Kent Seagrave. For a more serious Jack Fleischer.

  4. January 31, 2014 at 2:03 pm — Reply

    It’s spelled Raymond Luxury-Yacht but it’s pronounced “Throat Warbler Mangrove.”

  5. January 31, 2014 at 2:13 pm — Reply

    Names I have actually given authorities, strangers and others:

    – Chloe MacLeod (of the Clan MacLeod because I’m a Highlander fan)
    – Alana Scott, Hayley Jordan, Joan Stewart and Kylie Rayner (all plays on the names of Green Lanterns)
    – Amanda Lorian (say it as one word and you should get it. Hint: Star Wars)
    – Tammy Oliver (one letter off from the greatest Power Ranger)
    – Alisha Marasiah Freemoon (not a reference but the name of my old Star Wars RP character and source of my nickname)
    – Darth Mischievous

  6. Neckbeard
    February 1, 2014 at 10:21 am — Reply

    Like Alisha, I have also gone by Darth Mischievous. But normally I pull from the Simpsons with: I.P. Freely, Oliver Clothesoff, Al Coholic, or Max Powers.

    • February 1, 2014 at 1:01 pm — Reply

      I’ve used Chesty LaRue, Charity Titters and Hugh Jazz from Simpsons before.

  7. Fenrir
    February 1, 2014 at 12:34 pm — Reply

    My mind goes blank in these situations, I may even forget my real name.

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The Author

Matthew Peterson

Matthew Peterson

Once upon a time, there was a young nerd from the Midwest, who loved Matter-Eater Lad and the McKenzie Brothers... If pop culture were a maze, Matthew would be the Minotaur at its center. Were it a mall, he'd be the Food Court. Were it a parking lot, he’d be the distant Cart Corral where the weird kids gather to smoke, but that’s not important right now... Matthew enjoys body surfing (so long as the bodies are fresh), writing in the third person, and dark-eyed women. Amongst his weaponry are such diverse elements as: Fear! Surprise! Ruthless efficiency! An almost fanatical devotion to pop culture!

And a nice red uniform.