Pets We Want To Have

Top Five is a show where the hosts categorize, rank, compare, and stratify everything… from cars to gadgets to people and movies. From stuff that is hot, and things that are not nearly as interesting – it’s Top Five.

This week we ponder what pets we would like to have, if in fact we were allowed to have pets.

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About Author

Stephen Schleicher began his career writing for the Digital Media Online community of sites, including Digital Producer and Creative Mac covering all aspects of the digital content creation industry. He then moved on to consumer technology, and began the Coolness Roundup podcast. A writing fool, Stephen has freelanced for Sci-Fi Channel's Technology Blog, and Gizmodo. Still longing for the good ol' days, Stephen launched Major Spoilers in July 2006, because he is a glutton for punishment. You can follow him on Twitter @MajorSpoilers and tell him your darkest secrets...


  1. 1. Big Cat (Jaguar, Panther, Mountain Lion, Bobcat etc.). I would not categorize as a “pet”, more like a relationship as this and my other “pets” would only permit me to stay in the presence. It would be like Ka-Zar (now wold be the time for Matthew to go Mel Brooks) and Sabu.

    2. Grizzly Bear – this would have been top pet…if not for the need to hibernate.

    3.. Wild African Dogs – opposed to “tame” African Dogs

    4. Badger – as I put this list together…I think my numbering may be in reverse order. None of those listed above (now technically below) would MESS with a badger.

    5. Dragon – specially Fin Fang Foom, the original talking dragon..(was Barney on Zach’s list?)

  2. Frederick aka Darth Macho on

    What a great Top 5 this week, but that’s always the case. I like this category, and it took me some time to decide what I wanted, but here’s my list.

    5. Flamingos: Of course I’d want a whole flock, but only if I could exponentially expand my current 1/10 acre of land, because those birds are really smelly!

    4. Bison: Not the flying kind, but I’d love an even bigger plot of land, ranch-sized, to hold my impressive herd of 100 American Bison. I love those guys. In a pinch. African Wildebeests would make an acceptable substitute.

    3. Black Bear: My favorite animal, I’d probably want a pair, so that they won’t be lonely when I’m not at home.

    2. Rancor: Assuming it came with a sensitive fat guy to handle it day-to-day, I’d want this pet for the obvious reason that no one would dare sass me ever again!

    1. Book Imp: As a fan of Critical Hit, I always look forward to hearing from Ket’s infernal companion. I know his sentience probably disqualifies him from actual “pet” status, but how great would it be to have this “guy” around to provide knowledge, secrets, and a boost to my arcana? While the Rancor would be more visually impressive, nothing would beat the book imp as far as getting one-up on everyone else, hopefully not at the price of my soul.

    Thanks for all the podcasts!

  3. Since I’ve already got two of my ideal pets (a bunny that doesn’t need to be caged and uses a litter box and a cat that is tiny, practically a perma-kitten but otherwise healthy, the two being inseparable oddly enough), I think I’m gonna have to pick mostly fantasy creatures.

    My own Top Five list, in no particular order:

    NOTE: Most of these would be more or less “animal companion” rather than “pet” as most of these creatures are intelligent, a few even on par with (or better than) humans.

    1) Dragon. I’m flexible, so I’ll be just as happy with a classic European style giant lizard as I would with an Asian style serpent-like dragon and anything in between.

    2) Rancor. Ideally it would be an intelligent Rancor similar to some that have been seen in Star Wars novels on Dathomir (they can’t speak Basic or anything, but they understand it and know how to use tools and even a few have learned to read), but as long as it can understand me and doesn’t try to eat my other pets then I’m fine.

    3) Strill. Like the Rancor, a Strill is a Star Wars creature, except a Strill is much smaller, similar to a six-legged canine (some art make them look very close to an Earth dog, some make them look much more ferocious and freaky).

    4) Chocobo. Because Chocobos are awesome. You can ride it, you can race it, you can use it to scare off pesky door-to-door salesmen and so on!

    5) A Digimon partner. I was going to list Gatomon specifically, but that might get confusing as one of my two cats is already named Gatomon. Instead, I’d be happy with any number of Digimon. There are a few I wouldn’t want (such as those based on garbage, poop or similarly nasty things), but otherwise there are plenty I’d be quite excited to be partnered up with. The ability to digivolve is completely optional, it’d be cool enough having a strange creature that could talk and use crazy attacks.

  4. 5. Jake the dog, because he’s John DiMaggio and magic.
    4. Socks the cat/ former avatar of the red, because who doesn’t want a sage like cat?
    3.Pug, one of the only dogs on the planet that has had 100% of it’s wolf genes bred out of it to make a fluffy ball of fun.
    2.Jigglypuff, ”Jigglypuff, a Balloon Pokémon. It has large friendly eyes and it sings a pleasant song.” and it will eventually evolve into Wigglytuff = ”Its fur is the ultimate in luxuriousness. Sleeping alongside a Wigglytuff is simply divine.” so you can always ger a great nights sleep.
    1.Falcor, yeeeeaaaaahhhhhh! Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhh!

  5. Oola, if I remember my childhood correctly, was from “Norby the Mixed-Up Robot” by Janet and Isaac Asmiov. Loved that book series when I was a kid.

  6. Oh my GOODNESS! I have been listening to your show for awhile (I started listening to Critical Hits and then migrated to this show), and I don’t think I have EVER laughed as hard as I did at this one. Great work everyone!
    Ok my top five would be.
    5) Scottish Fold cat. They’re just adorable. And even exist.
    4) an owl. Actually, any owl. This is pretty much tied with Red Panda, though.
    3) a red panda – they are too cute to exist YET THEY EXIST.
    2) a Drifloon or Drifblim. Ok yes, they are cute But also can be transportation. Sort of.
    1)a “fairy dragon” sized dragon. You know, to ride around on the shoulder, etc. Would be neat if it was telepathic, but not a deal breaker. I really do like Jigglypuff but I agree with you all that it might be annoying to have around forever. I am tempted to say a full-sized dragon, except those are usually “so sentient I am not sure they are pets” but if you guys had an Ewok… Anyway. I will say a shoulder fairy dragon for the sake of pet-like-ness.

  7. Well this was a good episode and I support the use of fan submited top 5’s

    Also suggestion. Top 5 Worst Plans and/or Ideas(From Comics, TV Shows, Movies, Games, Tabletop Games, and/or Real-Life)

    Now moving on my top 5 pets
    But first up the 3 Runner Ups
    Hedgehog, Macaw, Irish Wolfhound

    #5: Phoenix[Mythology etc.]. The Phoneix is an amazingly cool pet depending on the mythology/story, otherwise its the worst pet. As an immortal bird that comes back over and over means no worries if someone invades Mount Doom. It is strong enough to carry two people. Has powerful magical feathers so shedding is great. And too finish it all off its tears cure all poisons/diseases which includes degeneration of the cells over time so hello being ageless

    #4: Venom Symbiote [Spiderman/Marvel]: Partial Sentient goo that give me any set of clothes, superpowers, and needs only be fed every now than sure I’d have one as a pet. Also if it gets uppity get a high frequency bell and hook it up too a button, with the right training you have a really cool pet

    #3: K-9[Doctor Who] most of it was said already, but lets add in K-9 can escape a Black-hole, Light cannot do that… K-9 is faster then the speed of light.

    #2: Sky Bison[Avatar Last Airbender]: It was covered

    #1: Espeon[Pokemon], I grew up on Pokemon being of that generation. Espeon has always been my personal favorite of the Eevee evolutions, a more sleek fur what appears to be a prehensile tail, and it’s a Psychic. Also if we go by pokedex entries; it’s fur is sensitive enough to predict the weather, opponents next moves[all to protect its trainer] and has the feel of velvet. So not only is it adorable, smart(sentient probably), but is super soft.

  8. Great episode!

    5) Jiminy Cricket: I could use someone to help me stay on the straight and narrow.

    4) Shiba Inu: I think they’re the cutest dog breed.

    3) King or Emperor Penguin: Penguins are awesome, and these are the best ones

    2) Angemon: Though less of a pet and more of partner, having an angel by my side would be the coolest thing. And he would also keep me honest.

    1) Raichu: Everyone gushes over Pikachu, but Raichu is superior in both strength and cuteness.

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