Every once in a while, I get all jaded and grown-up about the glorious and bizarre world in which we live, thinking that I’ve got everything figured out and that nothing can really scare me other than taxes and the big & tall store running out of khakis.  Luckily, any time that happens, I can bust out my copy of ‘Heavy Metal’ and watch ‘B-52’ alone or turn off all the lights and scream along with Katie as her jackass of a boyfriend torments the thing that lives in the attic throughout ‘Paranormal Activity.’  The Halloween season is the perfect time to try to scare the bajeezus out of yourself, if only to remind you that the long, cold winter approaching (Mileage may vary, not valid in all areas, especially if it’s spring where you are) isn’t going to freeze the parts of your brain that like to have some fun.  That train of thought, convoluted as it is, also begs a Halloween week query…

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) expects to have to be rocked to sleep tonight, and will be hiding a machete under the pillow, but is nonetheless against my own better judgement asking: What fictional character would you least like to meet in a dark alley?

The Author

Matthew Peterson

Matthew Peterson

Once upon a time, there was a young nerd from the Midwest, who loved Matter-Eater Lad and the McKenzie Brothers... If pop culture were a maze, Matthew would be the Minotaur at its center. Were it a mall, he'd be the Food Court. Were it a parking lot, he’d be the distant Cart Corral where the weird kids gather to smoke, but that’s not important right now... Matthew enjoys body surfing (so long as the bodies are fresh), writing in the third person, and dark-eyed women. Amongst his weaponry are such diverse elements as: Fear! Surprise! Ruthless efficiency! An almost fanatical devotion to pop culture!

And a nice red uniform.

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  1. October 27, 2013 at 11:49 am — Reply

    Probably Jigsaw from the Saw franchise. I have no desire to confront my personal failings in a sadistic way.

  2. October 27, 2013 at 2:36 pm — Reply

    Venom. Evil scary Venom, as opposed to Flash Thompson version, who is awesome and created the Venomobile!
    Seriously, though, the crazy unhinged Eddie Brock Venom is scary – especially considering everything a symbiote can do with enough imagination.
    Oddly enough, the thought of Carnage in a dark, deserted alleyway isn’t that…

    No, wait, that’s terrifying, too.

  3. October 27, 2013 at 5:39 pm — Reply

    Michael Meyers. Out of all of the slasher movie villains he is the one that scares the crap out of me. Mostly because he is the most real. Freddy – kills through dreams after dying. Jason – back from the dead to murder sexually active teens. Chucky – serial killer that takes over a doll’s body. Meyers is the the only feasible killer.

  4. Zombi
    October 27, 2013 at 6:09 pm — Reply

    Freddy Kruger…*shivers*

  5. October 27, 2013 at 7:35 pm — Reply

    “Child’s Play” Chucky. That movie freaked me out so bad as a kid that I got rid of my My Buddy and Kid Sister dolls, and they still give me the creeps to this day (although I do enjoy “Bride of Chucky” and “Seed of Chucky”).

    I’d also hate to meet Doppelganger (the freaky Spider-Man duplicate).

    • October 28, 2013 at 7:06 am — Reply

      There was a level in the Spider-Man 2 game based off the movie where you were in Mysterio’s House of Mirrors and deformed Spidey Doppelgangers would step out of the mirrors and fight you if you got too close.
      I could barely finish that part. It creeped me out on such a deep level it was all I could do to not turn the screen off and walk far, far away.

  6. Frank
    October 27, 2013 at 8:18 pm — Reply

    Barney the Dinosaur.

    • October 27, 2013 at 9:01 pm — Reply

      “I love you, you love me, human flesh is quite tasty…”

      • October 27, 2013 at 9:22 pm — Reply

        no. just no Alisha. I’m going to go huddle in a corner now.

  7. Shush
    October 28, 2013 at 12:10 am — Reply


    He’d probably have to be unhappy with me, otherwise I wouldn’t be meeting him.


    In a more frightening, insanity inducing light: Cthulhu or pretty much anything else from the Lovecraft mythos.

  8. Hirimno
    October 28, 2013 at 12:26 am — Reply

    I’d have to go with Pinhead. Not only does he look scary and creepy, but the pins make me think of needles, which i’m deathly afriad of.

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