For decades, comic racks were filled with the adventures of funny-animal/cartoon characters, from Atom Ant to…  something that starts with Z?  In any case, these characters often lived regular lives, with jobs, cars and even vaults full of gold, all the while getting to enjoy the benefits of their anthropomorphic animal status.  The dogs had enhanced canine senses, the bunnies could tunnel through the earth as a method of transportation, the ducks could fly, and roughly 40% of characters were allowed to wander about without pants on, truly a better world.  I think that, given my choice, I’d probably want to be a duck, so that I could go into stores, gank what I needed and tell the proprietors, “Just put it on my bill!”  Also, any time I was sick, I could call it a mallardy.  Plus, there’s a one-in-five chance that my uncle would be rich, which in turn, begs a question…

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) shoulda taken that left toin at Albukoikee, asking: If you got to choose, what kind of cartoon animal would you be?


About Author

Once upon a time, there was a young nerd from the Midwest, who loved Matter-Eater Lad and the McKenzie Brothers... If pop culture were a maze, Matthew would be the Minotaur at its center. Were it a mall, he'd be the Food Court. Were it a parking lot, he’d be the distant Cart Corral where the weird kids gather to smoke, but that’s not important right now... Matthew enjoys body surfing (so long as the bodies are fresh), writing in the third person, and dark-eyed women. Amongst his weaponry are such diverse elements as: Fear! Surprise! Ruthless efficiency! An almost fanatical devotion to pop culture! And a nice red uniform.


  1. I’d be a turtle, because it seems to be such an unassuming animal, but in the end it always wins. Plus I want to follow in the footsteps of other great fictional turtles Cecil, the Ninja Turtles, and Gamera.

  2. I’m not sure. At various times, I’ve imagined a turtle (like TMNT, but not like Venus), a bunny, a cat, a dragon or a hybrid type (like a gryphon or manticore).

    Although if one of my Second Life avatars is any indication, it would most likely be an anthromorphic alien tiger, slightly more human than animal (similar to the Catkind of Doctor Who).

  3. I’ve always felt like a sloth most accurately portrayed my temperament. So yeah, I’d be a cartoon sloth, because they never get eaten by eagles in cartoons like they do in real life. Hanging out in a tree all day sleeping? Sounds awesome.

  4. I dunno, are we talking Warner Bros. cartoon animals or Disney. The former you’d largely be smarter than humans but still live in the wild. While the latter, its mostly just anthropomorphized animal-people living relatively normal lives. Well there’s also the Hanna-Barbara bunch…

    I guess a do do, or a Tasmanian devil.

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