It was only a few weeks ago that my child finally deigned to sit and watch the entirety of the 1971 film, ‘Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory’ with me.  (She had already seen the Johnny Depp atrocity version and preferred its modern technique and superior visual effects.)  During the film, I found myself appreciating Mister Wonka’s saving of the Oompa Loompas, coming as I do from a land that is nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts and the occasionaly Port-A-Potty meth lab, and wondering what the benefits package was like.  Granted, the factory probably isn’t OSHA compliant, but nearly all the drownings, falls down garbage chutes and blueberryings were inflicted on the tour group, with the factory workers seemingly unharmed.  In any case, I would rather work at the candy factory and risk being piped into the fudge room than take a job at Stark International and get blown up every hour-and-a-half…

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) is going to need you to come in on Sunnndaaaay, yeah, so if you could just doooo that, asking: If you could work for any one character in pop culture, who would be your perfect boss and why?

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Once upon a time, there was a young nerd from the Midwest, who loved Matter-Eater Lad and the McKenzie Brothers... If pop culture were a maze, Matthew would be the Minotaur at its center. Were it a mall, he'd be the Food Court. Were it a parking lot, he’d be the distant Cart Corral where the weird kids gather to smoke, but that’s not important right now... Matthew enjoys body surfing (so long as the bodies are fresh), writing in the third person, and dark-eyed women. Amongst his weaponry are such diverse elements as: Fear! Surprise! Ruthless efficiency! An almost fanatical devotion to pop culture! And a nice red uniform.

9 Comments

  1. Richie Rich. I would probably be WAY overpaid. The fringe benefits when I am off work. And unlike a number of characters, I doubt much harm would come to me.

  2. I’m leaning towards Princess Peach so that all I do is go-kart, play party games, various sports and help Mario save whatever. Plus I’ve always wanted to ride a Yoshi.

  3. Bruce Wayne. Generous guy, so there would probably be good benefits. Also, he seems to spend most of his time away from the office for some reason. I like the hands off management approach.

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