Nothing makes one feel older than watching TV Land, the cable equivalent of the oldies station, and seeing shows that you watched in their first run.  So it was for me, recently, with the episode of ‘Friends’ featuring Ross and Rachel discovering which celebrities are on their “No Strings Attached” list.  Though I have never seen the appeal in Isabella Rosellini (she looks eerily like Dave Foley, for one thing) I can get behind the theoretical idea/game at the heart of the episode.  But, since we are a pop culture website, if the Faithful Spoilerites were to play, we’d probably have to alter the rules a bit.  James T. Kirk was always a hit with the ladies in-universe, but would he appeal to today’s audiences?  Thus, I came up with three rules guidelines for harmonious living regarding today’s query:

  • Rule 1: The person must be come from another universe (read “must be imaginary.”)  You may choose Tony Stark, but NOT Robert Downey Junior, unless you’re in the DC Universe.  (Which you are not.)
  • Rule 2: You may choose a certain timeframe of their life (i.e. “Han in ‘A New Hope'”) but they must remain true to their character. No upgrades or personality swaps, unless you can make a canonical argument (i.e. “Mirror Universe Spock.”)
  • Rule 3: There is ABSOLUTELY NO…  Rule 3.
  • Rule 4: One imaginary paramour per customer, no choosing R2-D2 AND C-3PO, unless there is no way to separate (i.e. Chang & Eng Bunker, who are not imaginary, and thus make a terrible example.)

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) won’t use Ross’ 5 celebrities idea, because that’s another show entirely, asking: What one “alternate universe” person would you choose for a no-strings-attached (unless you’re into that sort of thing) romantic fling?

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  1. Ken
    March 28, 2013 at 12:57 pm — Reply

    I’m thinking Wonder Woman all the way.

    • Rob
      March 28, 2013 at 7:10 pm — Reply

      Diana would break you in half…. still worth it.

  2. March 28, 2013 at 1:28 pm — Reply

    Karen Starr aka Power Girl circa her ongoing series pre-DCnU. Strong, independent woman, all pluses. Superhero too, intriguing.

  3. gary
    March 28, 2013 at 1:40 pm — Reply

    If I answer this, does that make me an “Unfaithful Spoilerite”?

    Or at least a “Willing to be Unfaithful Spoilerite”?

    • March 28, 2013 at 3:12 pm — Reply

      By the rules of the original episode, significant others agree to allow the one-time exception without consequences… :)

  4. JoeM
    March 28, 2013 at 2:10 pm — Reply

    Codex from The Guild… Of course I’m assuming here for the sake of the question that the relationship would actually work. Most of my fantasy musings run into the problem that said fantasy woman would probably not be willing to put up with me. :D

  5. Beardomancer
    March 28, 2013 at 3:31 pm — Reply

    Kayle Frye of Firefly. The character is very girl-next-door to me. She’s got a rugged side to her though she wants to be thought of as feminine. She’s honest but not so honest that she won’t help rob a train. Not to mention that for some bizarre reason coveralls are remarkably sexy.

  6. March 28, 2013 at 5:27 pm — Reply

    Nai and Mea from Magiranger, which doesn’t break the one-per-customer rule because they are the same being, a split form of Phantom Spy Vancuria.

    As for where in the timeline, I’d have to choose just around the end of Magiranger when she/they have turned sort of good.

  7. Sydness
    March 28, 2013 at 6:51 pm — Reply

    Tigra. rawr.

  8. Zombi
    March 28, 2013 at 8:23 pm — Reply

    <3 Hawkeye <3

  9. B.V.K.
    March 28, 2013 at 8:47 pm — Reply

    Black Cat

  10. slimeknight
    March 28, 2013 at 9:23 pm — Reply

    Amy Pond from Doctor Who.

    • March 29, 2013 at 1:00 am — Reply

      I almost picked her, but I couldn’t stand to break up her and Rory. They make the best couple in the entire history of television, in my humble opinion.

      Still, an excellent choice. She’s definitely going in as my second choice.

  11. Antonio Sanciolo
    March 28, 2013 at 10:55 pm — Reply

    1985 She-Hulk

  12. March 28, 2013 at 11:52 pm — Reply

    Geez, so hard — and with questions like “would I have to worry about being crushed” to contend with.

    Since I haven’t seen it here, just for the sake of variety I’m going to say Jana from Frank Cho’s Jungle Girl comic.

  13. johnny
    March 28, 2013 at 11:54 pm — Reply

    Buffy! Gorgeous, competent, and athletic! (Towards the middle of the series, when she was not yet scary and dead inside… but she was legal!)

  14. March 29, 2013 at 12:51 am — Reply

    Lara Croft. Adventurous and kick-ass with the bonus of being absolutely beautiful in any situation. We could take frequent trips to hidden temples in the wild, kicking in bad guy faces the whole way.

  15. Rome
    March 29, 2013 at 9:59 am — Reply

    Triplicate Girl. I suppose I would even settle for Duo-Damsel. But this is my fantasy dammit. So…

    Triplicate Girl.

  16. AllenBT
    March 29, 2013 at 6:25 pm — Reply

    Inara Serra. Might as well choose a professional.

  17. Christopher
    March 29, 2013 at 9:00 pm — Reply

    Lela. even if she used a fork to stab out one of my eyes, it would be worth it!

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The Author

Matthew Peterson

Matthew Peterson

Once upon a time, there was a young nerd from the Midwest, who loved Matter-Eater Lad and the McKenzie Brothers... If pop culture were a maze, Matthew would be the Minotaur at its center. Were it a mall, he'd be the Food Court. Were it a parking lot, he’d be the distant Cart Corral where the weird kids gather to smoke, but that’s not important right now... Matthew enjoys body surfing (so long as the bodies are fresh), writing in the third person, and dark-eyed women. Amongst his weaponry are such diverse elements as: Fear! Surprise! Ruthless efficiency! An almost fanatical devotion to pop culture!

And a nice red uniform.