Nothing makes one feel older than watching TV Land, the cable equivalent of the oldies station, and seeing shows that you watched in their first run.  So it was for me, recently, with the episode of ‘Friends’ featuring Ross and Rachel discovering which celebrities are on their “No Strings Attached” list.  Though I have never seen the appeal in Isabella Rosellini (she looks eerily like Dave Foley, for one thing) I can get behind the theoretical idea/game at the heart of the episode.  But, since we are a pop culture website, if the Faithful Spoilerites were to play, we’d probably have to alter the rules a bit.  James T. Kirk was always a hit with the ladies in-universe, but would he appeal to today’s audiences?  Thus, I came up with three rules guidelines for harmonious living regarding today’s query:

  • Rule 1: The person must be come from another universe (read “must be imaginary.”)  You may choose Tony Stark, but NOT Robert Downey Junior, unless you’re in the DC Universe.  (Which you are not.)
  • Rule 2: You may choose a certain timeframe of their life (i.e. “Han in ‘A New Hope'”) but they must remain true to their character. No upgrades or personality swaps, unless you can make a canonical argument (i.e. “Mirror Universe Spock.”)
  • Rule 3: There is ABSOLUTELY NO…  Rule 3.
  • Rule 4: One imaginary paramour per customer, no choosing R2-D2 AND C-3PO, unless there is no way to separate (i.e. Chang & Eng Bunker, who are not imaginary, and thus make a terrible example.)

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) won’t use Ross’ 5 celebrities idea, because that’s another show entirely, asking: What one “alternate universe” person would you choose for a no-strings-attached (unless you’re into that sort of thing) romantic fling?

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About Author

Once upon a time, there was a young nerd from the Midwest, who loved Matter-Eater Lad and the McKenzie Brothers... If pop culture were a maze, Matthew would be the Minotaur at its center. Were it a mall, he'd be the Food Court. Were it a parking lot, he’d be the distant Cart Corral where the weird kids gather to smoke, but that’s not important right now... Matthew enjoys body surfing (so long as the bodies are fresh), writing in the third person, and dark-eyed women. Amongst his weaponry are such diverse elements as: Fear! Surprise! Ruthless efficiency! An almost fanatical devotion to pop culture! And a nice red uniform.

20 Comments

  1. If I answer this, does that make me an “Unfaithful Spoilerite”?

    Or at least a “Willing to be Unfaithful Spoilerite”?

  2. Codex from The Guild… Of course I’m assuming here for the sake of the question that the relationship would actually work. Most of my fantasy musings run into the problem that said fantasy woman would probably not be willing to put up with me. :D

  3. Beardomancer on

    Kayle Frye of Firefly. The character is very girl-next-door to me. She’s got a rugged side to her though she wants to be thought of as feminine. She’s honest but not so honest that she won’t help rob a train. Not to mention that for some bizarre reason coveralls are remarkably sexy.

    • I almost picked her, but I couldn’t stand to break up her and Rory. They make the best couple in the entire history of television, in my humble opinion.

      Still, an excellent choice. She’s definitely going in as my second choice.

  4. Geez, so hard — and with questions like “would I have to worry about being crushed” to contend with.

    Since I haven’t seen it here, just for the sake of variety I’m going to say Jana from Frank Cho’s Jungle Girl comic.

  5. Buffy! Gorgeous, competent, and athletic! (Towards the middle of the series, when she was not yet scary and dead inside… but she was legal!)

  6. Lara Croft. Adventurous and kick-ass with the bonus of being absolutely beautiful in any situation. We could take frequent trips to hidden temples in the wild, kicking in bad guy faces the whole way.

  7. Triplicate Girl. I suppose I would even settle for Duo-Damsel. But this is my fantasy dammit. So…

    Triplicate Girl.

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