Recently, I had an opportunity to watch an entire first-run episode of The Simpsons for the first time since about 2004, and was pleased to find that it (mostly) held up.  Of course, by all rights, bad boy Bart SHOULD be about 35 years old, making excuses to his boss rather than Skinner or Mrs. Crabapple (a prospect I have to say sounds kind of interesting, comedically.). As a former ineffectual middle-management suck up, I’ve run into a number of Bart-types, including one young twenty-something who claimed to have lost no less than FIVE grand parents while he worked for me.  Had he the creativity of young Master Simpson, his lies might not have been any less transparent, but I figure they’d at least have been more entertaining…

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted) ate my dog’s homework while his grandmother was trapped on a speeding bus with Keanu Reeves, asking: What’s YOUR excuse?

The Author

Matthew Peterson

Matthew Peterson

Once upon a time, there was a young nerd from the Midwest, who loved Matter-Eater Lad and the McKenzie Brothers... If pop culture were a maze, Matthew would be the Minotaur at its center. Were it a mall, he'd be the Food Court. Were it a parking lot, he’d be the distant Cart Corral where the weird kids gather to smoke, but that’s not important right now... Matthew enjoys body surfing (so long as the bodies are fresh), writing in the third person, and dark-eyed women. Amongst his weaponry are such diverse elements as: Fear! Surprise! Ruthless efficiency! An almost fanatical devotion to pop culture!

And a nice red uniform.

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6 Comments

  1. Omaha Steve
    March 6, 2013 at 10:53 am — Reply

    As I find that most people like kids and have sympathy for them when ill, I have gotten a lot of mileage out of “one of my kids is sick”. It’s gotten me out of a lot of work as well as unwanted social events, but tends not to be as effective at home.

  2. Hannah
    March 6, 2013 at 1:47 pm — Reply

    I find that, “My 2 year old nephew may have given me pink-eye, not sure yet, give me a day and I’ll call you and let you know,” Works.
    Mind you, I only tried it the once, and I did actually think he may have given me Pink-Eye. Got a day off though.

  3. March 6, 2013 at 3:51 pm — Reply

    When I was a teenager, I started randomly using “I haven’t shown up on film since the accident” quite a bit, even if the situation had nothing to do with photography or videos in any way.

    Most of my excuses revolve around my health issues or side effects from the treatments for Leukemia when I was young. At least that way there is a varying degree of truth to it at all times (usually because I can’t hear or I’m on so many meds that I simply forgot).

    I also blame Zoidberg.

  4. B.V.K.
    March 6, 2013 at 5:18 pm — Reply

    If it is a conversation or social situation I don’t want to be apart of I am a fan of the fake phone call. Just have your phone play a ring tone, make the conversation sound realistic (key) and make up a reason you have to go. I have used this in several situations and it has never failed.
    When it comes to getting out of something like a day of work or something I find that a good bout of “food poisoning” does the trick. It helps if people know that you enjoy something like sushi or steak tar tar. That way you have a reliable go to for the culprit food. You cannot over use this excuse so make sure its a good reason.

  5. RAM_evilspaceknight
    March 6, 2013 at 5:47 pm — Reply

    Lie on your back on your bed with your head hanging over the side. Now call in. Perfect sick voice. Go ahead, try it, I’ll wait.
    Failing that say that you s&!t yourself on the subway on the way to work. They will be too busy taking the piss out of you to see through your web of deceipt.

  6. March 6, 2013 at 8:20 pm — Reply

    Mine is less funny and more legit. I’ve had many, many concussions and still feel the long term symptoms of post-concussion syndrome. Nausea, disorientation, headaches. Yay! Definitely encouraging my kid to be a mathlete instead of going into contact sports.

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