Top Five #036: Talking Animals

Top Five is a show where the hosts categorize, rank, compare, and stratify everything… from cars to gadgets to people and movies. From stuff that is hot, and things that are not nearly as interesting – it’s Top Five.

What talks like a man, but isn’t a man? Talking animals of course!


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  1. 5.Ring a ding do your thing! Gnort comes in at number five just because of his seeming invulnerability while bungling his way around the DC universe.

    4. Maromi from Paranoia Agent, both talking pink dog plush and embodiment of well, stuff, it’s complicated and a more than a few tea spoons of whack-a-doo.

    3. Waaagh! It’s Howard the Duck! Both comedic relief and high ranking inter-dimensional zombie killer, what can I say that Matthew hasn’t except that I miss the cigar.

    2. Pinkamena Diane Pie, two parts pony, one part Ambush Bug. She treats the fourth wall like a revolving door and uses her friends as magic machine guns, the standout redesign of the entire series and the character with the most devastating emotional break down *Oui! zat is correct madam!*. Check out Party of One and Too Many Pinkie Pies for some top notch crazy pony.

    1. Daffy Duck, more specifically DUCK DODGERS OF THE 24th 1/2 CENTURY!
    How could he not be number one? Everything Rodrigo said is true and when you add to that some spectacular classic episodes and the astoundingly brilliant series from 2003 that parodied Green Lantern, Samurai Jack, Megadeth and more, all of that AND a Tom Jones theme you have a cult classic the likes of which we may never see again. Both honoring classic Looney tunes shorts of the past and having it’s own super fun identity the show and Daffy/Captain Dodgers nosedived into the outer limits of cartoon madness time and time again only to return bold, fresh and brilliant each time.
    The universes greatest hero and biggest self centered jerk in one feathery package Captain Dodgers will be my favorite for years to come.

  2. Gille Mairtean from How Ian Direach got the Blue Falcon. just google it

    Nicodemus from The Secret of NIHM. He is a kind old man, yet still a little scary.

    Nibbler from Futurama. He won a golden globe for starring in Fiddler on the Roof!

    Sher Kahn from The Jungle Book. I like that he knew how powerful he was and didn’t usually need to resort to direct threats.

    Daffy Duck. I like when he is accompanied by Porky! Duck Dodgers or an Old west sheriff.

  3. Honorable mention: Blood, from a Boy and His Dog. Not sure that he is really top 5, but a telepathic dog is worth mentioning.

    Near miss: Grommet, from Walace and Grommet. He reads, but does not actually talk…

    5) Dug from Up! Because he is just — Squirell!

    4) Cat, from Red Dwarf. He evolved from the ship’s cat, and Cat had to be a blast to play.

    3) Snuff, from the Zelazny book A Night in the Lonesome October. Because Snuff saves the witch’s cat, does occult mathematics and teasm up with Jack the Rippper to save the world from the Elder Gods. Night is one of Zelazny’s funniest, strangest and coolest books.

    2) da Rabbit: Not Roger, although he is tough not to include. Bugs Bunny. He can be a loony as Daffy, but has way more range. Bugs – mainly because the opera spoofs were, IMHO, the best cartoon shorts until Wallice and Grommet.

    1) Gaspode, from the Diskworld novels. Gaspode is part hero, part rogue, partly schizophrenic and all Terry Pratchet. Gaspode has The Power, a complete collection of fleas, and “all the dog diseases, even licky-end, which is a disease of pregnant sheep.” Gaspode on talking: “So I’m living over near the high energy magic building, hunting scraps and trying to keep out of the rain when Bam! Cognitive reasoning! What use is that to a dog?” Gaspode has some of the best lines in some of the best Diskworld books, which makes him number one.

  4. 5. Bowser the big turtle thing from most Mario games. The big guy has a penchant for kidnapping princess Peach to conquer the Mushroom Kingdom or causes trouble by unleashing some havoc trying to find a way to conquer. Bowser will also occasionally help out if its in his best interest.

    4. Scrooge McDuck the richest duck in the world started out with nothing then gained his lucky dime and went on to work hard to gain his vast fortune. He is the working man’s dream. He then goes on to become curmudgeonly and stingy until his nephew brings home his three great nephews and you see the heart that Scrooge really has as he takes the nephews in and teaches them all he knows.

    3. Bugs Bunny the leader of the Looney tunes. He is the great trickster able to get out of any trouble using his wits and possibly a dress.

    2. Raphael from TMNT. He is the turtle who has anger issues that keeps him from his true potential as the best fighter on the team but his brothers keep him calm most of the time. He is also more emotional than his brothers taking it very hard when Splinter was taken. He also wields the coolest ninja weapons the sais.

    1. Rocket Raccoon because he was an amazing character in the guardians run by Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning. He was a great addition to the team as a weapons and explosive expert, he is for all intents Han Solo as a raccoon andbest friends to the best tree ever (I AM GROOT!), kept the team running after Starlord screwed it all up and its always great to see a raccoon shot a cannon bigger than he is.

  5. Here’s my list…
    5. This quartet was introduced to me through the Palladium Games RPG, and then the comics. They’re turtles, mutants and most importantly, NINJAS! Totally badass, and still one of my favourite RPGs. The four brothers, Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello and Michaelangelo of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
    4. This small white dog was often the unsung hero of his adventures accompanying his master, young internationally famous journalist Tintin. If it wasn’t for Snowy’s timely rescues, Tintin would have been killed numerous times. Even though Snowy spoke, no one seemed to hear him, except us, the dear readers.
    3. I absolutely agree with Roderigo for my number 3. Kermit the Frog. An entertainer to the core, this frog’s boundless enthusiasm and charisma keep leading his merry band of misfits from fame to poverty and back again. Awesome.
    2. My number two pick has been a favourite of mine from a very young age. He’s a Christ-figure, a badass unstoppable warrior and a huge freakin’ LION! You know it. It’s Aslan. He can turn stone back into flesh with his breath, leap tall buildings in a single bound and come back from the dead. Wow.
    1. My number one pick is just iconic. Bugs Bunny. Unflappable, wry, secure enough to dress up as a woman to pull off a joke, funny, and all around awesome dude. Deep down, I wish I WAS Bugs Bunny. Except for his inability to take the correct turn when he gets to Albuquerque, he’s the best.

    My honourable mentions included the wolves of the Elfquest series, Mrs. Brisbee of the Secret of NIMH, the rabbits of Watership Down, the Dragons of Pern and Bullwinkle J. Moose.
    Thanks for letting me ramble…

  6. 5. Darkwing Duck.

    4. Shear Khan, from the Disney movie “The Jungle Book” — He’s one of the early examples of the “cultured and malevolent villain voice” and has inspired a legion of imitators.

    3. Hobbes the Tiger, from Calvin and Hobbes comics.

    2. Danger Mouse. He’s the greatest secret agent in the world.

    1. Dogbert, from the Dilbert comic. If I need to explain to you why he’s awesome, you’ve never worked at a big company.

    Also, re: Rodrigo’s Alan a’Dale pick from Robin Hood…

    Roger Miller was a fairly popular singer in the early 1970’s, and I’m pretty sure the role would have been created as a vehicle for him. You can find him on iTunes, and you might want to check him out. “You Can’t Rollerskate in a Buffalo Herd” was a song of his that my uncle introduced me to as a kid.

  7. 5. In the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series, the characters dine at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe. Instead of being shown a cart with different cuts of meat, they are introduced to a cow that wants to be eaten, and says so clearly and distinctly, to great comic effect.

    4. The original Tweety bird, before teaming up with Silvester. The original Tweety was vicious, and a great deal more fun.

    3. Bugs & Daffy Together. The whole Rabbit Season, Duck Season, Rabbit Season is one of my all time favorites.

    2. The Librarian of Unseen University Terry Pratchet’s Disc World. Originally a wizard, but turned into an Orangutan. He has only a one word vocabulary, but still can be very expressive, and plays a mean organ.

    1. The Brain. How can you not love a hyper-intelligent, pan-dimensional, lab mouse bent on world domination.

  8. 5. Krosp, the King of Cats, from Girl Genius. I was totally not expecting it when he first spoke. I love that he is smart, and a bit of a megalomaniac and still all cat. And that he sings badly. He amuses me, and I value amusement.

    4. Gaspode: “Woof, woof.” Everyone knows dogs can’t talk. Especially not scruffy, mangy little street dogs. What I really love about Gaspode, the Wonder Dog (Terry Pratchett) is how he plays upon human nature to see, or in this case, hear what they expect to hear. Gaspode says, “Woof;” people hear a dog bark. Gaspode says, “What about a treat for the nice little doggie,” and they think it must be their own thoughts.

    3. The Cheshire Cat. Okay, Alice has been a favorite of mine forever. I love the Cheshire Cat because of his very weird conversations. And besides, he can disappear, saving his smile for last, which has to be disconcerting. How can you not like a cat like that?

    4. Hobbes. He might just be a stuffed animal to other people, but we all know as well as Calvin does that Hobbes is quite erudite. He is such a wonderful counterpoint and foil to Calvin. And besides I know all my stuffed animals talked to me when I was little…

    5. Milou. Or, if you prefer, Snowy. My Tintin collection is all in the original French, where he is Milou. He’s another talking who may not have really spoken so others could understand him, but we could understand him. And whatever would Tintin have done without him? A most resourceful rescuer and friend, although occasionally distracted by interesting things.

  9. ClubberLang6 on

    Here is my list:
    1. Mr. Ed
    2. Pinky and the Brain
    3. Bugs Bunny
    4. That frog on WB cartoons that can dance and sing “the Michigan Rag”
    5. Cringer/Battlecat

  10. I gotta be that guy.

    Stephen, E.B. White did indeed write The Trumpet of The Swan and Charlotte’s Web, but he did not write The Once And Future King. That was T.H. White.

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