A long time ago, in a time known as the late 80s, things were different.  (Yes, I know I say that a lot, but that doesn’t make it any less true.)  One summer evening after my first year of college, I happened to catch a late-night Cinemax airing of a movie called ‘Heathers,’ which perfectly captured a cynical zeitgeist for my twenty-ish mind, and stuck with me forever.  Notable for early performances from Christian Slater and Winona Ryder, the film prefaced Joss Whedon’s work on Buffy by creating a full teenage sub-culture and language, knowing that trying to capture the ever-changing real vernacular would be a waste of time and effort.  I happened to catch that movie again this weekend (yeah, it still holds up) and found that it contained a scene that contained a perfect QOTD, a scene that might even be the ur-example and fountainhead from which the MS-QOTD springs…

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always, “misquoted”) reminds you that when teenagers complain that they want to be treated like human beings, it’s usually because they are being treated like human beings, asking:  You win five million dollars from the Publisher’s sweepstakes, and the same day as that big Ed guy gives you the check, aliens land on the Earth and say they’re going to blow up the world in two days.  What are you gonna do with the money?


About Author

Once upon a time, there was a young nerd from the Midwest, who loved Matter-Eater Lad and the McKenzie Brothers... If pop culture were a maze, Matthew would be the Minotaur at its center. Were it a mall, he'd be the Food Court. Were it a parking lot, he’d be the distant Cart Corral where the weird kids gather to smoke, but that’s not important right now... Matthew enjoys body surfing (so long as the bodies are fresh), writing in the third person, and dark-eyed women. Amongst his weaponry are such diverse elements as: Fear! Surprise! Ruthless efficiency! An almost fanatical devotion to pop culture!And a nice red uniform.


  1. Nothing much, probably.

    People would be going crazy the world over, so the functional economy wouldn’t be working at this point and If I really wanted to do something, I should have done it already.

    Donate the majority to Major Spoilers, I guess. If the world fails to blow up, it’d still be money well spent. As for myself, well, I said majority, not all of it.

  2. If I fail to get the aliens to take me aboard their ship, then I’ll throw the ultimate party. But that is only if I absolutely fail to somehow convince the aliens that me and a few of my friends (and most of the population of Asian women) are worth saving. If I can convince them of that, I’ll blow the money on supplies for the trip and eventual settling on another world.

  3. I’d hire some goons to capture the critical hit crew. Then, I would force feed said crew enough sugar and caffeine to keep them playing the ultimate D&D one-shot with me until the world ends (with a sugar-high Rodrigo DM’ing, of course). Because hey, if the world is ending, I may as well divorce myself as much as possible from reality.

  4. Assuming i cant escape earth, id probably try to meet all my heroes before we’re all dead, like Jimmy Page and Michael Crichton.

  5. 1. Buy multiple copies of Jenna Jameson’s Shadowhunter.
    2. Have them placed in multiple satellites with a message in all languages known. “This is the sum of the Nowledge (Like Knebraska) of the human race. Hold it, worship it, live it.”
    3. Have multiple rockets fire multiple satellites throughout the universe to spread our wisdome.
    4. Have a beer one last time.

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