The Author

Robot Overlord

Robot Overlord

Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to the Robot Overlord. Robot Overlord may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds. The Robot Overlord contains a liquid core, which if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at. If Robot Overlord begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head. Do not taunt the Robot Overlord.

Previous post


Next post

TRAILER: Dark Knight Returns: Part One


  1. July 31, 2012 at 11:41 am — Reply

    The Ice King, cuz he’d cheat.

    • Arbor Day
      July 31, 2012 at 10:38 pm — Reply

      But Gandalf knows how to do the power shriek, as evidenced with by ‘You shall not pass’.

  2. Sam
    July 31, 2012 at 12:12 pm — Reply

    Gandalf the White would win, but Gray? No. One Avada Kedavra and it would be over. See here for a list of Gandalf’s powers:

  3. JoeM
    July 31, 2012 at 12:15 pm — Reply

    Gandalf all the way. Remember as Gandalf the Grey he took on a Balrog. And after an epic 2 week battle and chase (The Balrog mainly fleeing), they destroyed a mountain in their struggle. And Gandalf died. And promptly came back as Gandalf the White. Can’t beat that.

    • B.V.K.
      July 31, 2012 at 1:01 pm — Reply


      • July 31, 2012 at 1:33 pm — Reply

        Thirded. Also, Dumbledore is cut from the Gandalf cloth, and he slapped Moldymort down pretty handily.

        • Frank
          July 31, 2012 at 1:36 pm — Reply

          A balrog would hand Voldemort’s head back to him on a platter. If Gandalf the Grey can take out a balrog…

  4. Russ Catt
    July 31, 2012 at 12:21 pm — Reply

    I think Gandalf’s greater experience and wisdom would help him counter Voldemort’s offensive power.
    Galdalf also carries Glamdring, which could prove very useful if Voldemort comes in close.
    (It works for Orem, doesn’t it? :)

  5. Frank the Scrud
    July 31, 2012 at 12:23 pm — Reply

    Gandalf cause he has a real nose. I mean come on. Voldemort please all that power and couldn’t make a real nose for himself.

  6. Slappy
    July 31, 2012 at 12:24 pm — Reply

    With regards to the Balrog, It was also a case of an Angel fighting a Demon. While Tom Riddle may be an extremely powerful wizard, I do not believe that he is up to the level of defeating a Demon let alone the on that defeated the Demon.
    Gandalf is also craftier than Tommy Boy, it was a simple task for him to trick the Trolls into defeat.
    Miss Souza if you read this, I would like your response.

  7. July 31, 2012 at 12:26 pm — Reply

    Voldemort can splinter his soul into separate pieces, so it wouldn’t be just one battle it would be more like seven. So Voldemort could just battle Gandalf once, and if he doesn’t come out the victor he needs to just lay low until “the Gray” kicks the bucket form old age, come out from hiding and proudly declare himself the victor. He’s evil, why would he fight fair?

    • DC
      July 31, 2012 at 1:53 pm — Reply

      Voldy would be waiting an awful long time, Gandalf is a Maiar and can’t die of old age.

  8. DC
    July 31, 2012 at 1:46 pm — Reply

    Gandalf is basically an angelic creature in human form. Old Tom is just a little boy who throws tantrums when he doesn’t get what he wants.

  9. Willard
    July 31, 2012 at 2:18 pm — Reply

    I dont think people are giving Voldemort credit here. He has his soul torn into 7 pieces! If Gandalf the Grey were able to beat him once, he’d have to do it six more times! Voldemort is pure evil, he’s gonna be pulling all type of crazy magic out his whazoo! With his duel with Dumbledore, he displayed some pretty impressive magic! This win goes to Voldemort aka The Dark Lord, aka Tom Riddle, aka He Who Must Not Be Named.

    • Georgedubya
      July 31, 2012 at 4:02 pm — Reply

      We’re talking about the same “Dark Lord” that was defeated multiple times by children.

      Gandalf would win this handily.

      • Jim Barr
        July 31, 2012 at 7:09 pm — Reply

        I agree

  10. litanyofthieves
    July 31, 2012 at 3:26 pm — Reply

    Voldemort would win – he’d bring along a posse of death eaters and they’d ambush Gandalf. Of course then he’d come back as Gandalf the White and whup them all.

    Then he’d raise an army and cross the sea to conquer westeros in half the time it’s taking Danaerys Targaryen. ;)

  11. Verse
    July 31, 2012 at 4:43 pm — Reply

    I went with Voldemort.I just see him finding some way to cheat and win. When Ganny went against another wizard…he simply lost. Voldemort has killed dozens of wizards. I know Gandalf killed a demon, but this isn’t who can kill demons better. It is who would win in a fight of wizards. Voldemort has beaten wizards. To my knowledge Gandalf has only ever lost to wizards.

  12. Ricco
    July 31, 2012 at 4:47 pm — Reply

    Gandalf by a nose :)

  13. Brewmaster Wansu
    July 31, 2012 at 6:23 pm — Reply

    Clearly we are dealing with the movie versions (I mean look at the pictures) in which case I have to go with Voldemort simply due to the fact that he actually cast an offensive spell in his respective series. Other than a small telekinetic duel with Count Dooku, all Gandalf did was shine a light in the eyes of the Nazgul while Snake eyes has just ended people with a flick of his wrist. For all the Wizard’s vaunted power, he does nothing with it. I hope that the third movie in the Hobbit Trilogy explains exactly why Wizards are such a big deal and not the Dust Bowl Rainmakers of Middle Earth.

  14. Brewmaster Wansu
    July 31, 2012 at 6:24 pm — Reply

    Oh and Gandalf went Melee against a Balrog. True Wizards never go melee.

  15. NonProphet
    July 31, 2012 at 6:51 pm — Reply

    Magic is a very different thing in the LOTR universe. Wizards in LOTR, despite there love of taking the form of old guys with big sticks, are angelic immortal beings connected to and part of the world. They more will little miracles and bend reality to happen the way they like, no need for bad Latin sounding gibberish. There’s only a handful that even exist. Wizards in Harry Potter are any one born with a gift and given a stick (a really nice stick granted). Gandalf would mow Voldemort and all his deatheaters down. If he didn’t just turn there connection to magic off, which is more of less how he beat Saruman.

  16. Dan
    July 31, 2012 at 8:09 pm — Reply

    Gonna go with Gandalf here. I think he would warp reality and reshape it with his will. Plus if he first got defeated by He who has not be named. Gandolf would just come back three or four hours later and be all “I’m back (insert Rodrigo line from Munchkinland).”

  17. Oldcomicfan
    July 31, 2012 at 9:03 pm — Reply

    Gandalf all the way. Even if the Noseless Wonder (omg, are Voldemort and Courtney Crumrin related?) managed to kill Gandalf, Gandalf would keep getting resurrected until the job was done. Also, he’s into research, so he’d figure out where all the horlixes (or is that a grand of chocolate drink mix?) were and destroy them one by one. And if one of them turned out to be Harry Potter, he’d talk Potter into offing himself for the great goods. Or talk some hobbits into doing it for him. Also, though it wasn’t mentioned in the movies, Gandalf bore Narya, one of the Rings of Power, which is where he got his ability to control fire. Moldywort would be toast.

  18. July 31, 2012 at 9:18 pm — Reply

    I’d rather see Dobby vs Smeagol.

  19. adam
    August 1, 2012 at 2:16 pm — Reply

    Gandalf! He won his Epic Rap Battle against Dumbledore, and Dumbledore is better than Voldemort, then by the Transitive Property Gandalf beats Voldemort. It’s basic math.

  20. Mark
    August 2, 2012 at 11:12 am — Reply

    NonProphet nailed it. Wizards in LOTR are essentially archangels. Gandalf would destroy Voldemort and anything else he threw at him. Gandalf’s abilities in The Hobbit and LOTR may seem lackluster, but that is mostly just due to his personality and propensity for working in the background. If memory serves, he also has vowed to not personally intervene against Sauron, which has relegated him to more of a support role.

  21. Jason
    August 2, 2012 at 1:03 pm — Reply

    Gandalf is killed by a giant ferocious demon.

    Voldemort is killed by a baby.

  22. Joe Amon
    August 7, 2012 at 10:53 pm — Reply

    Here’s how I would see this fight going down:

    (Exterior, day.  We open at the top of the cliffs of insanity.  A large rope stands wrapped around one conveniently placed boulder.)

    Camera moves to show two books sitting in the middle of the area.  Though we cannot see the titles, one has a picture of a flaming eye on the front, the other a thunderbolt.

    Effect: wind blows, opening both books.  The pages flip and smoke begins to pour forth. One book gives off gray smoke, that coalesces into the shape of an old man with gray robes, a gray wizard’s hat, and long gray hair and beard.  The other book gives off black smoke, which becomes a pale man with snake-like features, sharp claws on his fingers, and a black robe.

    Gandalf:  Ahhhh…here we are then.

    Voldemorte: Indeed.  Just as was forseen.

    Gandalf: Prophecies have a tendency to be wrong, you know.  

    Voldemort(grinning): Only when they don’t predict me winning.  (Looks around)  I must admit, I am…puzzled as to the location.

    Gandalf: You should get out more, Tom.  (Points to the cliff edge, and then to the rope wrapped around the large boulder)

    Voldemort: Ahhh…the Cliffs of Insanity.  Appropriate.

    Gandalf: Shall we begin?

    (Voldemort and Gandalf arrange themselves into dueling stances.  Voldemort with his bone wand, Gandalf with his staff.)

    Voldemort: You seem a decent fellow.  I shall enjoy killing you.

    Gandalf: Yes, and I am not left handed, and there will be no more such references for the remainder of this fight.

    (Voldemort and Gandalf tense)

    Camera: Move tight in on Voldemort, then on Gandalf.  Split screen shot of their eyes: Voldemort’s tense and cruel, Gandalf’s mischievousness and calm.  And then…

    Voldemort: Avada Kedavra!

    Camera: We follow the bolt of green energy as it streaks through the air toward Gandalf who…vanishes.  We return to the close up on Voldemort, which pulls out to reveal a startled look on the dark wizard’s face…and Gandalf standing behind him.

    Gandalf: (Voiceover)  Never did master those non-verbal spells, did you Tom?

    The Gray clocks Voldemort in the back on the head with his staff. The dark wizard staggers from the blow, and Gandalf follows up with another staff hit, knocking the bone wand out of Voldemort’s hand.  Voldemort turns around, only to be magic-shoved against a rock.  He falls to the ground, his foe standing over him.

    Gandalf: You should have known it would end like this, Tom.  After all, you loose in the end in your own story.

    Voldemort: What?

    Gandalf: You loose, Tom.  Harry Potter beats you.

    Voldemort: (looking confused)  No, that’s not right.  I win in the end.

    Gandalf: (pauses)  No.  No, that’s not right.  I’m quite certain you loose in the end.

    Voldemort: Well, you’ve obviously smoked too much pipe weed, old wizard.  Because I distinctly remember reading that I kill Harry Potter and return to Hogwarts in triumph!

    Gandalf: Well…alright, yes.  Yes that does happen, but…how much of your books have you read?

    Voldemort: Well…most of them.

    Gandalf: You just read the parts abut yourself, didn’t you.

    Voldemort: And the Quidditch matches! I loved those! (Grumbles) They never let me play seeker when I was a first year.

    Gandalf: (sighs)

    Voldemort: Look, in my defense, it is over a million words.

    Gandalf: Try reading the Silmarillion sometime. (sighs again) Alright, look…

    Effect: Gandalf waves his hand and Voldemort’s book comes floating over.

    Gandalf: Here, read for yourself.

    (Gandalf hands the book to Voldemort, who takes it and starts flipping through pages.)

    Voldemort: Where, exactly, do I get beaten?

    Gandalf:(rolls eyes) Well, turn to the seventh book…

    (Voldemort closes the book and smashes it into Gandalf’s face. The gray wizard staggers back, only to be spun around as Voldemort hits him again.)

    Camera: close up on Gandalf’s face.  We see his eyes roll comically back into his head before he crumples to the ground.

    Voldemort shakes his head and walks to retrieve his wand.

    Voldemort: Never could tell when an evil wizard was lying to you, could you? Daft geezer.

    (Voldemort opens the book and begins to fade back into the pages.  As he does, we hear him grumbling.)

    Voldemort: Bloody fan fiction…waste of time…got to get back to my Mandrakes…

You know you have something to say, say it in the comment section