On the Major Spoilers Podcast, we have talked at length, as all nerds have, about the twin cornerstones of science-fiction:  The sleek, clean antiseptic future of Star Trek and the dissipated, totemic long, long ago of Star Wars.  Major Spoilers’ own Rodrigo has urged us all to stop the nerd-on-nerd violence, so we won’t be discussing which world is superior or has better acting.  (To be frank, Shatner and Hamill kind of cancel one another out on that front.)  But once in a while, you just have to let you mind wander and let your pop culture idols lay the imaginary smackdown on one another.  It is, in the words of Chris Knight, a moral imperative.

The MS-QOTD (pronounced, as always “misquoted”) goes where no man has gone before. to a galaxy far, far away, asking:  Who wins: Kirk and Spock or Luke and Han?

The Author

Matthew Peterson

Matthew Peterson

Once upon a time, there was a young nerd from the Midwest, who loved Matter-Eater Lad and the McKenzie Brothers... If pop culture were a maze, Matthew would be the Minotaur at its center. Were it a mall, he'd be the Food Court. Were it a parking lot, he’d be the distant Cart Corral where the weird kids gather to smoke, but that’s not important right now... Matthew enjoys body surfing (so long as the bodies are fresh), writing in the third person, and dark-eyed women. Amongst his weaponry are such diverse elements as: Fear! Surprise! Ruthless efficiency! An almost fanatical devotion to pop culture!

And a nice red uniform.

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13 Comments

  1. B.V.K.
    June 9, 2012 at 11:04 am — Reply

    Heck, Luke and his light saber don’t even need Han to beat Spock and Kirk. The Vulcan neck pinch is no match for the power of the force.

  2. Mark
    June 9, 2012 at 11:30 am — Reply

    I’d have to go with Luke and Han. They have better distance advantage between Luke’s Force powers and Han’s blaster prowess. Plus, Luke can provide cover by blocking Kirk and Spock’s phaser shots while Han shoots ’em with his blaster.

    Kirk and Spock have the better combat soundtrack, though. :)

  3. Sydness
    June 9, 2012 at 11:48 am — Reply

    I think the real question is are we getting Luke at the beginning of Episode IV, the trained pilot and Jedi in training from Episode V, or the Jedi Knight from episode VI? The kid in Episode IV is not going to be very helpful, but a trained Jedi who can deflect phasers has it in the bag.

    • Slappy
      June 9, 2012 at 12:19 pm — Reply

      Considering the pic, I would say it is Return of the Jedi Luke.

  4. Brenton8090
    June 9, 2012 at 12:07 pm — Reply

    Luke and Han, easy. This should be the PoTW.

  5. June 9, 2012 at 12:14 pm — Reply

    Spock is a powerful telepath… Why are we assuming Luke gets to use his powers with impunity? And, if you’ve ever seen Plato’s Stepchildren, you have an example of how Luke’s telekinesis may not be the advantage we’re ascribing it to be…

  6. foolsmask
    June 9, 2012 at 12:25 pm — Reply

    Is this four guys on a deserted planatoid with phasers vs. blaster & lightsaber? Cause i give that one to Han and Luke. If Kirk and Spock have access to more tech (tricorder for instance) or their ship then the Half-vulcan wins hands down. I wonder if the lightsaber can deflect a beam weapon like a phaser.

    Nope, changed my mind. Spock sees Luke deflect a phaser with his lightsaber and uses all that advanced math we consider useless to trick Luke into deflecting the beam straight into Hans face, while he is crying about it Kirk zaps Luke and delivers a CSI style quip before beaming away with Leia under his arm. And SCENE

  7. Shush
    June 9, 2012 at 1:58 pm — Reply

    …Hand to Hand or Ship to Ship?

    I do believe the Enterprise would be able to blow away the Falcon.

    As for the Force playing a determining factor; the Force is a pervasive universal quantity and not restricted to Luke’s use alone. When kept separate, the Star Trek Universe ostensibly does not have the Force. So, since these two groups are fighting, either both sides have it, or neither do.

    For the sake of argument and keeping in mind that Life Itself is supposed to generate the Force, I shall suggest that both sides do. With that in mind, Spock will utilize his Vulcan upbringing and lifetime of training to pull of some neat countermeasures using this neat new toy he has just been given awareness of and take Luke by surprise and temporarily disable him with a Force Based Neck Pinch. Then do the same to Han.

    Later, after they come to a peaceful understanding, they go out for Space Beer.

  8. The_Bear_Jew
    June 9, 2012 at 2:00 pm — Reply

    Luke and Han obviously. I mean lightsaber and force powers with a blaster wielding rouge at his side? No contest.

  9. June 9, 2012 at 5:29 pm — Reply

    Despite my hardcore Star Wars geekiness, I can’t automatically give it to Luke and Han.

    Too many factors. Which Luke and Han are fighting which Spock and Kirk? If we extend from the movies to allow both franchises novel series, it gets even more complicated (although mostly from the Trek side as their novels aren’t consistently in the same universe and have any number of power levels of Spock’s mental abilities, while the Star Wars EU is closer knit and shows Luke relatively the same).

    If it were just Han and Kirk, though, I’d have to give it to Han. He’s a little bit more of a dirty fighter than Kirk, although they are quite similar in other aspects.

  10. Kevin Flythe
    June 9, 2012 at 5:45 pm — Reply

    Kirk and Spock win, hands down, all weapons and Force in play. And here’s how:

    Han vs. Spock – the second bananas square off and, as predicted, Han shoots first. That’s his problem, he goes into action without thinking. Spock does some “cold, volcano logic” and figures out a way to use his surroundings against Han and takes him down.

    Kirk vs. Luke – sure, Luke deflects a few phaser blasts, and Kirk continues firing, assuming (correctly) that his opponent is stupid and will become overconfident and close in. As Luke does so, Kirk quickly disarms Luke with a kick that sends his lightsaber flying. Does he go for the phaser shot? No! Before Luke can even force-retrieve his little light sword, Kirk mounts the wall and does a killer Frankensteiner on Luke (just like he did to Khan Noonien Singh in “Space Seed”). Force or not, if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of a Frankensteiner (even on a trampoline), you know it’s game over. Kirk wins without even ripping his shirt.

    Then Kirk looks around thoughtully, says “Let’s get the hell out of here” and returns from this far away galaxy of yesterday to the more civilized (and awesome) 23rd century in the Alpha quadrant of the good ol’ Millky Way.

    Let’s face it, if Kirk can take down Klingons and genetically engineered Supermen with his bare hands, a namby-pamby Jedi is no freakin’ match.

  11. Oldcomicfan
    June 9, 2012 at 7:34 pm — Reply

    Person to Person: Let’s face it, Luke and Han are the Laurel and Hardy of the sci-fi set, blundering and dope-slapping their way from one happy accident to the other. Kirk and Spock on the other hand, use their brains, their tools, their science and every other tool at their disposal to get the job done.

    Powers and Abilities: That said, the differential between the power sets is insane. Kirk and Spock would go into battle fairly handicapped in that department and would have to play their cards just right to prevail.

    The picture of Shatner and Hammil cancelling each other out is a riot!!! LOL! A bit like two ham sandwiches canceling each other out on the lunch counter, eh?

    Ship to Ship: the Enterprise would prevail hands down.

    Merchandising: Star Wars would win hands down. All Star Trek has ever given us are a lot of books, some badly written comics, and a few plastic model kits. Where is my cell phone that looks like an Original Series communicator? I have been waiting thirty years, guys!!!

    Franchise to Franchise: the battle would go to Star Trek. It’s been around longer than Star Wars by a good decade, and there have been very few absolute duds among them. Phantom Menace cancels out the First Star Trek Movie Borefest, and Attack of the Clones cancels out Star Trek V, the ridiculous Shatnerfest, which leaves Star Wars one disappointing movie in the hole.

  12. Oldcomicfan
    June 9, 2012 at 7:37 pm — Reply

    You know, the idea of Spock walking up to Luke and saying: “Pardon me, sir, but there is a multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder…” and giving him a neck pinch is almost as delightful as the mental picture of Shatner and Hammil canceling each other out and popping out of existence….

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