Top Five Ficitional Characters We Would Have Tea (or coffee) With

Top Five is a show where the hosts categorize, rank, compare, and stratify everything… from cars to gadgets to people and movies. From stuff that is hot, and things that are not nearly as interesting – it’s Top Five.

This week, we sit back and relax, raise a cup of tea or coffee and have an in-depth serious conversation about fictional characters we would share that brewed beverage with.


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  1. Navarre
    April 7, 2012 at 11:02 am — Reply

    5. Galactus – It would be interesting to hear the perspective of one who predates the universe. His knowledge of existence would be interesting, although maybe his viewpoint might be a bit lacking in complexity.

    4. Dr. Manhattan – Somewhat like Galactus, having a discussion with someone who has such a vast perspective on the universe’s mysteries would be amazing.

    3. Echo from “Dollhouse” – Something seems morally wrong about this choice. But she’s plug-and-play to my whims so she’s hard to pass up.

    2. Steve Rogers – I think knowing Steve would be a steadying force in the tumultuous forces of the modern world. A discussion with him would be inspirational. Plus I’d talk him into being my personal trainer.

    1. Kitty Pryde – Kitty is the best female I could know. Physically she’s incredibly athletic while mentally she’s a genius. Her personality is engaging and endearing yet passionate and challenging. If Kitty was kinkier she’d be the perfect girlfriend.

    • Gaumer
      April 7, 2012 at 12:31 pm — Reply

      I like the choices of Galactus and Doc Manhattan for the knowledge they could share, but I just can’t see them telling an intriguing and fun story ;)

      Cap I could see telling awesome stories, but I’m not sure the fun would be there.

      The other two, I could see having tons of fun :) but who I doubt there would be much tea drinking going on ;)

      I’m surprised there’s no Captain Malcolm Reynolds on your list. Or at least one member of the Serenity crew. I think hanging out with Wash would be fun as hell, although the entire crew would be fun to chill with, I’m just not that into bar brawls ;)

      • Navarre
        April 7, 2012 at 11:22 pm — Reply

        I almost immediately thought of the crew of Serenity, as well as every other Joss Whedon character. But the Serenity crew are really best as a package deal.

        Malcolm is great but best when playing off of Shepherd Book, Jayne, or maybe Simon. I almost picked Illyria from Angel, but there was a good chance she would kill me.

        So in the end I went completely selfish on the Whedon characters and chose Echo. But Whendon also wrote and directed thecharacter of Steve Rogers in “The Avengers” as well as wrote Kitty Pryde for twenty-five amazing issues.

        So Joss Whedon is 3 for 5 in being connected to the top 5 fictional characters I’d want to know. That sounds about right.

  2. Gaumer
    April 7, 2012 at 12:27 pm — Reply

    Zaphod Beeblebrox

    Ferris Bueller

    H.M. “Howling Mad” Murdock

    Senior Chief Petty Officer Miles O’Brien

    Professor Minerva McGonagall

    Honorable Mention: Charles Xavier

    People who i could sit down with and have a fun time and fun conversation.

    • April 7, 2012 at 12:44 pm — Reply

      Y’know, I would totally dig hanging with Professor McGonagall…

      • Gaumer
        April 7, 2012 at 12:57 pm — Reply

        I bet she makes good tea too.

        I am just now listening and love that you also chose Ferris Bueller. It seems like such an obvious choice to me.

  3. LemmyCaution
    April 7, 2012 at 1:38 pm — Reply

    Dirk Gently

    Ziggy Stardust

    Jonathan Creek

    Miss Jane Marple

    Norman Bates–I love milk and sandwiches… but I’ll pass on the iced tea, thanks…

    I wasn’t sure if Joe Bob Briggs would count for this. Anyone?

    • April 7, 2012 at 2:18 pm — Reply

      I wasn’t sure if Joe Bob Briggs would count for this. Anyone?

      Hard to say. I’d categorize Joe Bob as more pseudonym than fictional, but the rules are pretty fluid here…

  4. April 7, 2012 at 5:33 pm — Reply

    5. Rosa Luxemburg Saks from ‘The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay’. She’s beautiful, intelligent, interesting, and very tolerant of weirdos. I think I’d have a shot.

    4. Hob Gadling from ‘Sandman’. He’s been everywhere, seen everything, known everyone. ‘Nuff said.

    3. Max Fischer from ‘Rushmore’. Not the teenage Max from the movie, but Max today. He’s either a self-made millionaire, or an globe-trotting adventurer, or a hobo. Whichever it is, it would be a fascinating lunch.

    2. Frederick Frankenstein from ‘Young Frankenstein’. I can’t make up my mind if pre- or post-monsterization Frederick would be funnier.

    1. Atomic Robo. From ‘Atomic Robo’. He has no mouth and therefore cannot drink, so more beverage for me.

  5. RAM_evilspaceknight
    April 7, 2012 at 8:33 pm — Reply

    Optimus Prime – He’s a member of a race that has mastered interstellar travel and mass shifting. There’s no way he hasn’t got cup holders.
    The Tick – Because I love the big galoot and I reckon I could get him to say spoon.
    Any Quentin Tarintino Character – You know you’re about to have an off the wall dissection of something in pop culture. Ok, maybe not Zed
    Dale Cooper- Man knows his coffee
    The Twelveth Doctor -“Sigh. Ok, …….what happened *this* time?”

  6. slimeknight
    April 7, 2012 at 10:16 pm — Reply

    Sterling Archer – I can only see that it would be incredibly awesome though I probably get shot, wouldn’t remember about it the next day and it be alcohol not tea.

    Scott Pilgrim – We share the same interests and the fight would be awesome.

    Atomic Robo – He’d educate about SCIENCE!!!! and possibly go on some amazing adventure solved through SCIENCE!!!!!

    Cranky Kong – Where I would learn it was better and harder “back in my day”.

    Hellboy – Learn about every thing supernatul and how to defeat it.

  7. Thecrazy8
    April 8, 2012 at 4:13 pm — Reply

    5.Yoda: I want to learn how to be a jedi.
    4. Link from the Legend of Zelda games: He would only speak in grunts and yells.
    3. Captain Piccard: He loves high tea and we could sit and quote Shakespeare at each other.
    2. House: He would tell me all my medical problems and sexually harras the waitress at the Panara
    1. Tork: We could eat funnel cakes and stare at the duckies.

  8. April 8, 2012 at 8:34 pm — Reply

    5.) Doctor Emmett Brown. I’d love to see if he says anything that would mess up the time line. I’d also like to hear about his adventures and so on.

    4.) Catwoman. She would be fun to talk to maybe in a party setting while having tea.

    3.) Kaylee Frye. I think she’d make any conversation even better because of her morale improving personality.

    2.) Commander Shepard. This would be a rough conversation based on how many people he has lost during his missions. I just hope the version I have tea with is Paragon and not renegade.

    1.) Captain Jean Luc Picard. He already loves his Earl Grey tea and the amount of wisdom he has would make for a great experience.

  9. GeorgeDubya
    April 9, 2012 at 12:35 am — Reply

    I just want to say that I loved the multiple incarnations of the Doctor being chosen (and Dirk Gently who was created because Adams had written a script for Doctor Who that he loved but never got to shoot). The real beacon of awesome was Matthew’s inclusion of Croyd Crenson. As a lover of Wild Cards, I support that choice, even if I chose a different person from that body of work.

    My choices (in no particular order, because I’m lazy) –

    Mark Meadows aka Captain Trips from Wild Cards – C’mon former hippie biochemist who takes psychoactive drugs to transform himself into different super-powered people. Think of the conversations you could have! (Also, he and Croyd Crenson have been known to hang out and do their drugs together, so that’d be a fun addition to the Panera)

    Commander William T Riker from Star Trek: The Next Generation – While Picard might be the obvious choice here, Riker was always more approachable and personable than Jean Luc.

    Harry Dresden from The Dresden Files – He’s a snarky wizard detective from present day Chicago who likes quoting Star Wars, and I think hanging out with him could be fun.

    Zathras from Babylon 5 – Be clear, I’m talking about Zathras, not Zathras, Zathras, or Zathras. (The two other people who get the joke, you’re welcome) He was just a fun character who always seemed to know more than he was able to accurately communicate.

    Matrim Cauthon from The Wheel of Time – My favorite character from this epic, Mat’s cavalier attitude and views on women always make me smile.

  10. gary
    April 9, 2012 at 10:11 am — Reply

    5. Chewbacca (no clue why)
    4. Lionel Essrog from Jonathan Lethem’s Motherless Brooklyn — an orphaned detective with Tourettes
    3. Willy Wonka because dude, it’s Willy Wonka!
    2. Jubal Harshaw from Heinlein’s A Stranger in a Strange Land
    1. Gandalf! We’d totally smoke longbottom leaf and wax philosophical

  11. April 9, 2012 at 1:16 pm — Reply

    This is more the “People I would like to have an alcoholic beverage with”

    #1 – The 10th or 11th irritation of The Doctor from Doctor Who: Because with a TARDIS, you can technically have coffee/tea with anyone, anywhere, at anytime.

    #2 – Kara “Starbuck” Thrace: It’s Kara Thrace… nuff said, FRAK!

    #3 – Donald “Dick Whitman” Draper: Smooth, classy, and he just attracts attention in a room full of people.

    #4 – Christina Hendricks (in either Firefly or Mad Men persona): again, it’s Christina Hendricks… nuff said, Da-shiong bao-jah-shr duh la-doo-tze!

    #5 – Worf: Because hanging out with a Klingon is badass.

    • Gaumer
      April 9, 2012 at 4:22 pm — Reply

      But Martok has such a better personality :)

  12. Cheesedemon
    April 16, 2012 at 3:36 am — Reply

    #1 : Jarlaxle Baenre from the Legend of Drizzt series – because he’s been around for a long time, he is generous with his friends and he would have a lot of stories to tell. More importantly, something would always happen when he’s around and before the day was over you would probably see a score of different people, a couple of dragons, a lich and at least one evil artifact. I would serve Ice tea.

    #2 : Death from the Sandman – She seem nice and she seem to always make people feel good about themselves and you know, being on “first name terms” with death would be kinda cool. I would serve latte.

    #3 : Lorne “the host” from Angel – I’m not entirely sure why, he’s a fun character, though I wouldn’t let him read my destiny because that would just be depressing. I would serve Irish coffee.

    #4 : Professor McGonagall from Harry Potter – She’s my favorite secondary character and I’d really like to know more about her. She is pretty stern, but she also has a sense of humor, so I would make a game of trying to make her laugh out loud. I would serve spicy chai tea with milk.

    #5 : Sauron from Lord of the Rings – before his fall, I would ask him what he intended to do when he won and conquered Middle earth. I would serve Earl Grey tea.

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