Top Five Fictional Weapons

Top Five is a show where the hosts categorize, rank, compare, and stratify everything… from cars to gadgets to people and movies. From stuff that is hot, and things that are not nearly as interesting – it’s Top Five.

This week, who shoots first, and what are they using? Fictional weapons are discussed this week, and we know the items on our list are not going to line up on yours. Lightsabers, The Glaive, Proton Packs and more… might be on the list… and they might not.


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  1. 5. Danny Vermin’s .88 Magnum from the movie Johnny Dangerously. C’mon it SHOOTS THROUGH SCHOOLS!

    4. The Lexx from the weird Canadian/German sci-fi show LEXX. Another Planet Killer, this one has a personality and will only answer to space-dork Stanley Tweedle. Lexx has been know to misunderstand instructions and once destroyed a planet while Stanley was merely explaining the capabilities of the ship.

    3. Sting from the Hobbit/Lord of the Rings. This short sword saved Bilbo’s bacon and Frodo’s too. Without Sting, Middle Earth might have fallen to Sauron.

    2. Link’s many boomerangs from the Legend of Zelda series of video games. One of the Hero of Time’s most trusted weapons. You know you’re on your way in a Zelda game once you get your boomerang. Usually acquired early in your quest, the boomerang serves to kill small enemies, and stun larger ones. You can use it to retrieve hearts and rupees, and sometimes open doors or solve other puzzles. And it always comes back.

    1. Rover from the Prisoner. This (usually) non-lethal, spherical, autonomous rubber horror has one mission. Bring you back to the Village. Aside from Number Two, Rover was the most constant thorn in the side of Number Six.

  2. Justin Wawrzonek on

    5. The Tesla – Warehouse 13 – Who doesn’t want a small pistol designed by Nikola Tesla that shoots freaking lightning at people.

    4. Metal Gear – Metal Gear Solid – Who doesn’t want a walking battle tank, complete with lasers, a rail gun, rockets, and of course nukes.

    3. Iron Man Armor – Not only can you blow crap up, but you can fly around and blow crap up.

    2. Gravity Gun – Half Life 2 – Point at heavy object, lift heavy object with no effort whatsoever, hurl heavy object at enemy with incredible force. Repeat. Also very handy for moving heavy furnature.

    1. Green Lantern Ring – It can create anything you can imagine (including everything else on this list)? How can you beat that? Also you can fly.

  3. Fun episode.

    My top esoteric weapons:

    – Martial Arts – You ARE the weapon. What’s that? Martial arts aren’t fictional? The kind on my list are! No amount of work at Tiger Shulmann is going to duplicate wire-work, chi manipulation, impossibly high non-lethal KO rates, insane durability and endurance, etc. I think its ubiquity amongst fictional characters belies its desirability.

    – Instant Learning – Chuck’s Intersect, The Matrix, Dollhouse, DC’s Prometheus, 2011’s Limitless, etc. While they all enable the hero to weaponize their physicality through martial arts, they also provide incredible knowledge… which is power. Foreign languages, vehicle piloting, obscure trivia and expertise, tactics and planning, and so on. The human mind is the most versatile weapon of all.

    – Luck – Bink’s Talent, Book of Swords’ Coinspinner, Forrest Gump, etc. While you can plot and plan, prep and pump up… sometimes it comes down to what you can’t control… just dumb luck… unless you’ve got the weapon of good fortune. Just consider how many major historical events or wars turned on some little piece of random happenstance, coincidental circumstance, or unexpected fortune. If the turn of events are always in your favor, who needs slings and arrows?

    – Time Travel – Whether actual or informational (prophecy / precognition)- assuming a universe that allows you to actually exploit it- upsetting causation is a pretty damn powerful trump card.

    Top melee weapons:

    – Whip Sword – From Iria: The Zeriam animation (specifically, but Soul Calibur’s Ivy has something similar). The sword is potentially the most iconic weapon (if not the spear) but unwieldy and impractical outside of actual combat. That’s why we’re fixated on collapsible / hidden swords like the lightsaber, sword canes, the Sword of Omens, bags of holding, etc. The whip sword is appealing because it is more mechanical than magic and more practically engineered than fancifully imagined. It can be coiled for storage, used traditionally as a sword, or extended into a longer ranged flexible weapon. High versatility and gadget factor.

    – Wolverine’s Claws – Utterly impractical and unrealistic, but completely satisfies that desire to be the transforming badass… going from normal unsuspecting person into someone whose hands turn unstoppable. Fictional claws don’t have to worry about the mechanics or science of slicing, they are by plot fiat simply capable of effortless gliding through whatever the writer wills them to.

    Top firearms:

    – John Woo’s Pistols – Doesn’t matter if they’re Berettas, CZs, Desert Eagles, or whatever… when Woo is directing, suddenly the handguns never need to reload, never overheat or jam, don’t cause ear damage, and are capable of insane accuracy and destruction feats like dropping helicopters like flies or 50 yard headshots coming out of a diving roll. I want the action movie handgun which heroes routinely prefer to their mechanically superior longarm brethren, because it’s somehow better in a smaller package.

    – Portal Gun – This is more like a power than a gun, honestly, but consider this a placeholder for all such weapons like the gravity gun, Captain Cold’s Cold Gun (which is NOT a freeze ray… an oft ignored feature is its ability to lay “cold fields” which sap kinetic energy WITHOUT freezing… so things like bullets or The Flash are slowed), Dagger of Time from Prince of Persia, GL ring, Gantz, Junk, etc.

    Top weapons of war:

    – Mechs – Also impractical but IT’S A GIANT ROBOT! The thing I like about mech mythology is that is embraces the humanity of conventional warfare, which is that despite the horror and meanness of war, there’s ground rules even to two factions who utterly hate each other. Instead of utter annihilation of atomic, chemical, or biological weapons, there’s something that constrains us to less effective, less practical means of war like tanks and guns. I like the idea that both sides have mutually conceded towards using absurd giant robots to limit war instead of extinction by unmanned missiles.

    – Halo Array – The scope of it is staggering… where a single ring component of it is actually an entire world envoking Niven’s ringworld and other scifi concepts. When you first watch Star Wars, the scale of awe of a moon-sized weapon is definitely there when it blows up a planet and reinforced by the trench run… but with our over-exposure to Star Wars lore, the scale of the Death Star gets a little lost and feels more like an empty super-structure… similar with something as “hollow” as Omnicrom. Given how much happens on a single ring in one game, the Halo weapon feels a lot larger to me.

    – FTL – Nearly all space-faring scifi action would be pretty damn dull without it.

    • If you like the Whip Sword, one that was possibly going to be on my list was the Bone Whip Sword that was in the movie Brotherhood of the Wolf, which is a fantastic movie if you haven’t seen it. It’s got political intrigue, a monster, karate, and so much more. Plus it’s got The Chairman of Iron Chef: America, the Double Dragon himself, Mr. Mark Dacascos as a karate-knowing Native American.

  4. My top 5.

    5. This ones obscure but is worth mentioning The Shark-O-Matic from Saints Row 3 It is a old blunderbuss that when you shoot some one with it a freaken massive great white shark the size of a tank comes crashing threw the pavement and devourers the target.

    4. Next is a weapon that turns killing into an art form The Leash from the video game Bulletstorm its a computer that you plug into your fist and then allows you to launch a rope made of energy at people and objects allowing you to send them flying threw the air at your leisure to make it even better It can charge up causing a shock wave where ever its pointing that sends every thing flying 20ft into the air and freezes them up there all the while keeping track of how creative your kills are and scoring you for it.

    3. Now I had to list this due to its pure fun improbability The Cannon from the Serious Sam series its a cast iron cannon the size of a bathtub that is capable of firing massive flaming cannon balls (which are bigger then the gun its self) that just cut threw or crush every thing in there way and are each full of explosives and best of all it carry’s 30 of those monsters and never needs to reload.

    2. Taking a page from Mathews book here Megas (Mechanized Earth Guard Attack System) from the former cartoon network show Megas XLR it was a mech the size of a 5 story building capable of time travel and had a ridiculously big arsenal of weapons capable of flattening an entire city in a blink of an eye and would on a regular basis would defend the world from alien invasions and giant monsters that would make Godzilla nervous.

    1. We started this with Doom now Iam ending it with Doom the only weapon stronger then the BFG Iam of course talking about The Unmaker from Doom 64 its a 3 headed death ray that feeds off of the hellish energy of the demons its used to slay by doing so it also locks on to and stuns its victims while consuming there vary souls and grows in power as it dose so however theirs one catch with The Unmaker in that it cannot harm non demonic foes due to its power source.

  5. My most recent favorite fictional weapons are the guns from The Sixth Gun. I just started the series this month and have already caught up (thanks Comixology) and they are all so unique, so brutal, and so terrifying!

    • If you like stories with uniquely powered items here are two quick suggestions:
      – Syfy’s The Lost Room… a 3 episode miniseries from 2006 (so technically it was still the Sci Fi Channel) with various objects with diverse powers.
      – Book of Swords fantasy series by Fred Saberhagen… there are twelve swords with specific well-defined powers which end up shaping the fate of nations in the way they’re deployed.

  6. RAM_evi1spaceknight on

    5- Pincers of Power – The Goonies. Data’s molar maulers are just as good as Batman’s grapple gun for a quick save and their offensive properties are formidable. No-one wants bite marks on their crotch.
    4- Taran’s magic sword from the Black Cauldron. From zero skill to being able to take on Zorro, the Great Leslie and Inigo Montoya singlehandedly while flashing a dazzling smile.
    3 Indiana’s whip- Everyone loves a good swing
    2 Spawn’s costume. Yes it can unleash a maelstrom of chains and spikes but more importantly your cape looks cool even when it’s not particularly windy.
    1- Mjolnir C’mon apart from having the main requirement of a cool weapon (that it comes back to your hand automatically after use while you stare into the middle distance) it lets you fly by throwing it AND HOLDING ON! I always worried that if I was able to pick it up I’d be filled with pride and immediately have to drop it.

    • Mjolnir gets my vote. thru the whole podcast i kept expecting to hear it. I think its an awesome weapon in its own right but the fact that it has its roots in norse mythology makes it extra meaningful to me. i just like the idea that in Scandinavia in the Dark Ages fathers were telling their sons ‘let me tell you about the most powerful weapon in the world. its called Mjolnir …’

      thats street cred

  7. Mjolnir indeed! So heavy, Thor must wear a magic belt to use it. So hard hitting that Thor has to wear magic gloves to keep from shattering his hands. It can kill any giant dead in one hit! It always comes back. You can fly by throwing it! You can call down lightning! And it was a gift from Loki, Thor’s uncle! I kept expecting to hear its name and never did. Bronco and RAM, y’all are so dead on with this weapon! :D

    Just under it I would rank the Wave Motion Gun from Space Battleship Yamato and the Reflex Cannon from Super Dimension Fortress Macross. Guns that can wipe out nearly anything, firing from the front of a large spacecraft! :D

    And below that, the Cosmic Cube. Sure they come to life and gain free will someday, but remaking reality at will is handy! :D

    And I still like the CADS from the VR-041 Cyclone Battle Armor in MOSPEADA (the last part of Robotech in the US). Retractable sabers that can cut through just about anything, combined with a forcefield that protects your forearms much like Captain America’s shield.

  8. Not really in order, but….

    Keyblade- Comes to your hand, eradicates darkness, opens doors and worlds, cuts without any sort of edge. If you dont like how it looks, you can probably find a keychain.As far a swords go, this is hard to beat.

    Ununpedim- creates bad-ass weapons that can shoot lightning(Wunderwaffe DG-2), energy beams(Ray gun), compressed air(ThunderGun), can create black holes(Gersh Device), shrink zombies, make people lose their memories, and make any gun instantly more bad-ass.

    Dragonrend-not really a weapon, but… Infused with the past hatred of dragons, this shout can make a GOD land and submit.

    Apple of Eden- this little sphere can bend people to your will and turn them against eachother. People near you just drop dead. Not to mention the knowledge of the past and future it holds, such as plans for a gun that fits on your wrist.

    Fat-Man – launches mini-nukes….nuf said

    Halo Pistol- this thing is nuts, one could go the whole level just firing away like nobody’s buisness. Even better, the Halo Reach version has a scope. It is an arguably practical ranged weapon.

    …..well, I’m out of ideas, though I’m sure I’ll think of more as I post this

  9. So many good weapons What it is hard to put in order but here I go.

    #5 Batman’s utility belt. That thing is a weapon in and of itself. And the belt always seem to have what you need. It even has shark repellent. Can’t get better than that.

    #4 Fist of Steel for Inheritance Cycle. Punch anything and you demolish it. They are a pugilist’s dream come true.

    #3 Sword of Omens. It starts as a dagger which is perfect for fighting in narrow spaces. Then it lengthens to become a powerful sword. And should things get nasty, it calls for you comrades.

    #2 K.I.T.T. Yeah he may have an attitude but he is fast. He jumps over obstacles which is awesome in rush hour. He drives when you sleep, or in my case, drunk. No DUI today. And he will come to you aid even if he must bust through a wall.
    And my #1 is (drum role) a lightsaber. You can get it in your color of choice to match any ensemble. If made a certain way, it can go from a short blade to long. It can even fit in a glove box.

    I hope some people agree

    • I like the choice of KITT there, just add in the fact that he was voiced by Boy Meets World’s own Mr. Feeny and you’ve got one badass car.

  10. #5- The Needler, from Halo. What a satisfying little weapon. Nothing gives you more satisfaction than rapidly pumping your enemies full of little pink shards of glass, unless it’s watching them explode in a cloud of pink dust afterwards.

    #4-Cerebral Bore, from Turok. For the man who has everything, a gun that shoots a little flying parasite that attaches to your skull, digs inside, and makes your head ‘asplode. Seriously. Who thought this up? What’s that guy doing these days? That man has a darkness inside.

    #3-That Plunger Thing on a Dalek- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA tooscarycan’ttalkabouthtisone. Except to say that making a toilet plunger into an actual frightening and threatening weapon is no easy feat.

    #2-Zombies. They’re the gift that keeps on giving, all year round.

    #1-The Ultimate Nullifier-I don’t know what it is, what it does, or what it looks like, but it always sounds cool and it makes Galactus wet his pants, so I ccn only assume it’s a universe ending device. Game over, man. Game over.

    • It looks sort of like a tape measure with a trigger attached, and a little sloping stem coming out of the top corner of it. It’s quite plain, but hoo boy does it pack a whallop.

  11. I haven’t even listened to the show yet, so I have no idea if what I pick is on anyones list yet but here goes:
    5. The Experimental MIRV (from Fallout 3)- This gun shoots 8 mini-nukes at the same time. Yeah it’s devastating, but it’s also suicidal.
    4. Voltron- It’s a robot that can kick ass, create a sword out of thin air and in worst case scenerios become five smaller robot lions. It’s the defender of the universe, so it’s gotta be pretty bad ass.
    3. Joker Toxin/SmileX- It’s a gas. It can be stored almost anywhere and detonated remotely. And when it kills it leaves a creepy grin on the face of its victim.
    2. The Sword of Greyskull- It give You THE POWER!!
    1. The Master Sword ( Zelda series)- Not super fancy, but you always spend a good amount of time looking for it and when found it is always classic. Plus with my hearts being full, I can shoot lazers from it. Now that is pretty sweet.

  12. I have two lists:

    5. The FemBots in Austin Powers
    4. Eve VIII in Eve of Destruction
    3. Quorra in Tron Legacy
    2. Mystery Woman (Bai Ling) in Skycaptain and the World of Tomorrow.
    1. T-X in Terminator 3

    Stephen wants more than a list. I say, you just need search Google Images.

  13. Okay, I’m totally thinking about how I’d kit myself out if I were some badass hero, so here goes…

    Melee – Lightsaber. I don’t really think there’s anything that needs explaining here, right? Pretty much the ultimate in close-quarters weapons.

    Explosive – Plasma grenades from Halo. They glow bright blue and stick to enemies. Nothing better than “sticking” someone and watching them flail helplessly for the last second of their spawned life.

    Primary ranged weapon – Railguns, as shown in either Quake 2 or the movie Eraser. Firing super-heated rings of metal at supersonic speed? Leaving a cool blue haze in its wake? Pulverizing foo’s worse than Mr. T? Yes, please.

    Secondary ranged weapon – The Mauler sidearm from the original N64 Perfect Dark game. It was one of the first “charge-up” type pistols in FPS history and was insanely powerful. Plus it just looked nasty.

    And this last one is actually not part of the kit, but merits being mentioned: Metal Blades, from Mega Man 2. Not only could you throw them in all 8 directions, but you could shoot several blades per each energy sliver. There was never any real reason to not use it in place of your regular cannon. Best part of all? The boss that gives you the weapon is also WEAK to it, so when you fight him again later, you cane rip him to shreds with his own power. Sweet!

  14. Alright, here goes. My wheelhouse is anime, just in case anyone won’t be able to tell right away.

    5. Power Pole, from Dragon Ball. Seemingly unbreakable bo staff, incredibly extendable (at least as far as the moon), and contractible enough to fit on a small boy’s back.

    4. The Sword of Light, from the Slayers series. If you don’t know it, think of a fantasy version of a lightsaber, that can only be used by the pure of heart. Cuts through most anything, and extendable to boot.

    3. Gibson Double-necked Bass Guitar, from FLCL. In an anime with the primary useful weapon being guitars that can smash into giant robots without breaking, you can’t get much better than a double-necked bass.

    2. Zeus’ Thunderbolts, Greek Mythology. My wild card entry, but in my opinion, the most powerful weapon on the list. Forged by Hephastus, these hand-thrown weapons are literally lightning. Game over, man.

    1. Any PILOTED mech-type robot. If supremacy in a fight of giant robots comes down to the talent of the drivers, I’m fully willing to get behind the controls and kick whatever rear dares mess with me.

  15. 5. Frostmourne: I myself have moved on from WoW and Warcraft in general, but Frostmourne is one thing that I will forever remember about the franchise. Not only is it badass looking, but it is also the most evil and the most powerful weapon in the warcraft universe. The frost, the deadliness, and its effect on Arthas makes it an amazing weapon whose abilities moved the story forward in Warcraft.

    4. The portal gun. Sure, it isn’t obviously a weapon, but it easily becomes one when you’re Thinking With Portals! If this list was about what fictional weapon I’d most like to own, the portal gun would easily win, it has limitless applications, and of course, the game it comes from is great as well.

    3. Big Boy mini-nuke deployment system from Fallout series. Not only does it launch nuclear missles, making the few nukes you have really really count, turning most fights from unbeatable to easy by destroying everything, the idea behind it, its appearance, and even its name works so well with the Fallout universe that it might as well define it.

    2. Death’s Scythe from the Discworld series. A scythe might not seem like a practical weapon, and indeed it could be said that most of the time it is used as a tool and a status symbol, rather than an actual weapon, there is something to be said about a blade that is so sharp, that you can’t see it if it’s horizontal, and that actually makes a noise of simply being sharp.

    1. The lightsaber. Sure, the weapon itself is cool, but what really makes me amazed about it is just how much it says about the Jedi. The moment you see Old Ben activate it, you learn more about the Jedi Order than the hours of exposition in the prequels ever could say. It is very light- a jedi doesn’t need to be physically powerful, she could be old or frail. It is extremely dangerous to both its user and any enemy- a Jedi is not going to go out of their way to look for trouble, and needs massive discipline, and probably a little mystical help to use it. It is clear that skill and discipline are necessary to use it. It can retract- a Jedi might use stealth and investigation, instead of charging straight into battle, also, appearances can be deceiving when dealing with Jedi. An yes, it is very very cool.

  16. 1.) The TARDIS. I can go anywhere in space and/or time? Even if I tried to be responsible, this much power would corrupt me and I would end up destroying civilization as we know it. On multiple time lines. On multiple planets.

    2.) Lightsabers. A Jedi’s greatest weapon and you don’t even need the Force to use it. Is there anything it can’t cut through?

    3.) Green Lantern’s ring. It can create and weaponize anything you can imagine.

    4.) Fear. And surprise. And a ruthless efficiency. I’ll come in again.

    5.) Seriously. The TARDIS. Or the DeLorean. If you have any functioning time machine, you’ve become a low-level god. A demigod, at least.

  17. I said I had two list and here’s my second list. Sorry for the delay, I had to go to work and ran out of time to post it. I try not to mention what has previously been said.

    5. Shoulder mounted cannon in Predator. Take the cool idea of a Gatling gun that follows the movement of your helmet as seen in Blue Thunder (along with Airwolf, deserves an Honorable Mention) and make it personal.

    4. Identity Disc in Tron. I love unconventional weapons and not much is deadlier than a glowing frisbee. When the game Tron 2.0 came out, the Identity Disc was my weapon of choice.
    See also: the Glaive and Captain America’s shield.

    3. Maximilian in The Black Hole. One of the most scary robots of all time. One wide red glowing eye on a bucket shape head devoid of any other facial features. No legs, just hovers with paddle feet. Six hands including some very effective spinning claws.
    Does Top Five need a topic? How about Top Five robots? They can do two shows with good robots and then evil robots.

    2. Death Blossom in The Last Starfighter. Growing up, this scene was all my friends and I would talk about. It basically made the movie.

    1. Talon’s sword in The Sword and the Sorcerer. Three words, my friends: Rocket. Propelled. Blades.

  18. I’m going to try to make my list up using heretofore unmentioned and someone obscure or odd choices, so yeah let’s do that.

    5. Trioxin (2-4-5) – It’s the gas that is contained in the canister along with Tarman in Return of the Living Dead. Once it was released, it turned all the dead tissue in the medical supply warehouse to awaken (like bisected dogs started barking and twitching, which creeped me out as a kid), the blast of gas to the faces of Freddy and Frank started the process of turning them into Zombies and had them go through Rigor mortis while still conscious (cuh-reeepy) and of course it went up into the sky and caused some acid rain which awoke hordes of the walking dead from the aptly named “Resurrection Cemetary” and ultimately caused the Government to nuke Louisville, Kentucky. Lots of destruction all from one little canister of gas.
    4. Acorns from Willow – A lesson to Willow that power can be in small and seemingly improbable places. These little acorns that were given to Willow were able to best a large dragon by turning it into stone. If only he’d had a couple dozen of those things, he’d have been in the clear much sooner.
    3. The Flying Guillotine (from Master of the Flying Guillotine) – This weapon in the right hands is quite the formiddable implement. The ability to cleanly decapitate a man from a good distance should never be scoffed at.
    2. The Ooze – The Ooze which was manufactured by TGRI (Techno Global Research Industries) and was responsible for the creation of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (according to the 1991 movie). Need I really say more? When the evil Shredder attacks, those Turtle boys don’t cut ’em no slack!
    1. Captain Planet rings – EARTH! WIND! WATER! FIRE! HEART! By your powers combined, I AM CAPTAIN PLANET!! Come on, I mean each (almost each) ring by itself was pretty awesome and essentially limitless as long as it stayed true to it’s accompanying element. Granted “Heart” was really lame, but if Ma-Ti has actually tried summoning some giant gorillas or something more useful than just that damn little monkey Suchi, he’d have been more help to his other Planeteers. (The only thing Suchi had going for him was that he was voiced by Frank Welker). Anyway, all said and done, I’ll take the power to summon a crystal-skinned, green-mullet-having, super hippie any day of the week. Just remember…….The Power is YOURS!

    My also rans included: The Sword of Omens, Christine (she dropped off my list after seeing the recent POW), the sweet two-part medallion from the Double Dragon movie that gave the guys some bright primary colored gi’s and when combined turned the bad guy into a horrible looking animated shadow villain, and I guess last by not least would be the puppets from the excellent Full Moon Productions movies, Puppet Master. I loved those movies and I found those puppets to be fascinating. Pinhead, Blade, Tunneler, Jester, Six Shooter, Leech Woman, and a few other less popular ones like Torch and Decapitron. I would never want them as enemies, but as allies, that would be amazing. Plus they took on the Demonic Toys too, so that’s like getting peanut butter on my chocolate and chocolate in my peanut butter.

  19. 5. Gunblade
    A sword and a gun!
    4. GaoGaiGar
    no other robot is as hot blooded or manly.
    3. Dawnbreaker
    From Skyrim a new edition to my list. It is a sword that makes zombies explode.
    2. Guyver
    The bio boosted armour, turning humans into the ultimate weapon. (Guyver was on of the first animes I really loved)
    1. The Master Sword
    The Sword of Evil’s Bane, no other weapon can be number one.

  20. 1. Wave Motion gun from Star Blazers nuff said
    2. Broccoli with butter, gets me and whoever is in the same room, every time
    3. Bunker Buster Bomb Look out Iran and North Korea
    4. illudium Q-36 explosive space modulator Where’s the kaboom
    5. Rom’s neutralizer Make them all disappear.

  21. I’d have to go with the following:
    5. The Grimaldi from the Heavy Metal movie, it has a wide power set. (Shapchanging, animate dead, mutation, some level of mind control, and it’s EEEVILLL!) The only weakness would be a mostly nude woman on a strange lizard bird thing.

    4. The Ultimate Nullifier. It can eradicate anything that the user can set their mind on, at the cost of their life though.

    3. The R.H.Y.N.O. series from the Ratchet and Clank games. The ultimate in just sweeping through your opponents, the only drawback is the price of ammo.

    2. The Infinity Gauntlet. It can only be stopped if the user wants to be stopped, as evidenced by the series of the same name. Thanos used about one percent (Or even less, I cannot recall offhand.) of his might and casually decimated the Marvel heroes that came to defeat him.

    1. The Saint of Killers Walker Colt revolvers. They never miss, kill what they hit, and never run out of ammo. The ultimate BFG.

  22. Listening to this weeks top 5 re-weapons, you meaned a poll abou the better planet-destroyer, The Doomsday Machine, or the Death Star. I’d like to add a third option if you DO use this as a poll:

    The Best Planet Buster?
    -Doomsday Machine
    -Death Star

  23. Fine chioces all here’s my pick:

    1 Lightsaber. A weapon from a more civilised age what more do you need to know?

    2 Mark 1 Lawgiver. Judge Dredd’s iconic gun fires six different kinds of bullets from standard execution to hi-ex helps him dish out justice to common perps and alien superfeinds alike.

    3 Electronux. Combines the twin joys of puching and electricity, often used with devistating effect by
    future bounty dog Johny Alpha.

    4 The Glaive. Krull was not a good film by any objective mesure but to this day I can’t throw a frissby without imagining it’s slicing up monsters.

    5 Captain America’s shield. Propaganda never looked so good.

  24. Don’t really have a top five you all hit most of the ones I would put on the list. However, the weapon that I would mention is pretty similar to the death star or the dooms-day device, but is superior to them both because it leaves the planet to be colonized. It is a simplistic weapon that kills and destroys leaving nothing behind. It is a better weapon that kills only what is needed to be killed. I am talking about the Molecular Detachment Device (M.D Device or Dr. Device for short) written about in my favorite book Ender’s Game. Basically bursting molecules apart in a chain reaction, Dr. Device can wipe out a fleet or clear a planet of your enemies. Dr. Device would certainly hit my Number One spot.
    Let’s not be wasteful, Fellows.

    P.S Great Episode. Five stars which I will certainly put in the appropriate sections.

  25. Okay, here are mine:

    5. Van Helsing’s automated crossbow – the movie wasn’t fantastic, but this was just badass, and had a really appealing steampunk vibe to it.

    4. The teleporting sniper-rifle – this one from a seventh-season episode of Deep Space Nine. Kill from anywhere.

    3. The Colt – from the CW series Supernatural (which, unfortunately, seems to get no love from the MSP crew). The whole concept behind the legend of this weapon, plus the limited number of bullets made for some really dramatic moments with this one. Sure, it was downplayed in later seasons as the plot escalated, but man, the COLT…

    2. Gundam Wing Zero’s double buster rifle – from Mobile Suit Gundam Wing. Took out a space colony with one shot. ‘Nuff said.

    AND #1 (courtesy of MSP #378) is…


    Can’t wait for the inevitable one-shot, “Odin Teabags the Marvel Universe”!

    • Whoops! I think I meant MSP #360 (although #378 does feature the Infinity Gauntlet, which is itself an awesome fictional weapon).

  26. 5. Big Guy, from Rusty & Big Guy

    4. World Devastator, it makes moure Star ships, just keep it seceret and not on the front line.

    3. The Sun Crusher, it blows up stars and can take hits from super lasers

    2. the Cerberus, from Dire o’ Cerberus (I liked it).

    1. Jenova, the intelegent bio weapon

  27. #5 – The Elder Wand from the Harry Potter Books. Any unbeatable wand in a setting where magic is capable of nearly anything has to be a top 5 weapon of mass destruction.

    #4 – The One Ring. War engulfed all of middle earth. Two midgets chuck the ring down a volcano and the war ends instantly. That’s power.

    #3 – Darth Maul’s lightsaber. It took an already super-cool weapon and raised it to a new level of awesome.

    #2 – Excalibur. The spiritual father of thousands of magic/mystical/enchanted swords that follow it. Comes with the neat prize of being King of the Brittons as well (though strange women lyin’ in ponds distributin’ swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.)

    and though it’s been said before: #1 – The Tardis. Any tool that allows you to not only prevent your enemy from being born, but his entire race from ever having existed may not be intended as a weapon, but it certainly has the potential to be amazingly effective as one.

  28. I decided on the following rule before I started – weapons did not describe any tool that could do violence, but rather personal tools designed explicitly for use in combat. Further, vehicles did not count, even if they had a big gun. So, the top fictional weapons for me, all based on, no, not effectiveness, but rather on memorability:

    The PPG – The only relevant personal weapon of the Babylon 5 universe. It shoots a little bolt of superheated gas. It killed most of the things it was fired at, except for various abominations. Also, basically the same as Star Wars blasters, in that it .

    The Sentry Gun – TF2 tool, built by the engineer. It is a remote gun that automatically targets any foes and shoots them with bullets and rockets. In the right position, it can be quite dangerous. Although remote guns are seen elsewhere, the TF2 sentry is the most stylish.

    Stormbringer – This was a super swords from the Elric series by M. Moorcock. The sword did not merely kill its foe, but drank of their soul. It also whispered in their mind and led to uncontrollable bloodlust at times. Probably at least contributed to Frostmourne.

    Freeze Ray – Rarely seen, the freeze ray has the power to either freeze a person in time (Dr. Horrible) or freeze a person in a block of ice (Mr. Freeze). Which is better is certainly up to personal taste. Both are cool.

    Some sort of … sci fi… gun thing… I dunno, I am out, here are some runners up: Heron Marked Blades, Glowing Elf Swords, Chainsaws, Lightsabers, Giant swords, Vibroknife, Crysknife, Bolter, Pancor Jackhammer, Orgasmatron, Bowler Hat (with razor edge), Thermal Detonator, Megatron (Gun Form), Proton Pack, Drone Weapons from various sources,

  29. Hmm, I’ve never really posted on the MS website before, but this particular episode from this particular podcast actually had me get off my lazy butt and actually put in my two cents. So while probably vastly inaccurate, here’s the top 5 I can think up right now.

    5. The “Vampire Killer” from the Castlevania video game series.

    Originally wielded by Simon Belmont in the first Castlevania game, which then went on to be reincarnated in many of the “sequels” and later games in general, the Vampire Killer is supposed one of the only things that can truly defeat Dracula in the Castlevania universe. A whip might not seem like much, but when dealing with different monsters from different myths and legends, and all you need is to hit it with this whip over and over again, it says a lot about the whip.

    Honestly, this might not seem like a “top fictional weapon,” but if you’re not familiar with the Castlevania universe, here are some of the monsters you fight and defeat with this whip: zombies, werewolves, Frankenstein, Medusa, Legion, Cerberus, Beelzebub, Death, and of course, Dracula. That’s some whip!

    4. Samurai Jack’s sword from Samurai Jack

    A sword forged from the physical incarnation of the spirit of human virtue and righteousness, capable of reflecting, deflecting, cutting, cleaving, and blocking most anything the story needs (while still being unable to harm a pure and just human). Created by the help of 3 major gods from 3 different religions, this sword is pretty freaking badass. Also, the only thing that can harm Aku, which is a personification a fragment of pure evil. Again, pretty freaking badass.

    So far as I’m concerned, this outclasses most any (if not any) other fictional sword in existence. Even according to the show, it’s capable of cutting through any material, so long as the wielder has the physical strength to do so.

    “3, sir.”
    3! The Holy Hand-Grenade of Antioch

    There’s a specific counting sequence, a holy chorus, and will probably kill anyone wielding either of the two previous weapons. Being both holy and rampantly destructive, it’s hard to really get any more convenient when it comes to hand-held weapons. Will it kill the things that the previous two weapons are capable of killing? Maybe not, but that’s not really relevant here.

    For reference, the only other ballistic weapon that might have topped this is the nuclear hand-grenade, but it never got past the testing phase.

    2. Most robot girls or magical girls from anime

    Number two goes to the trope of magical girls and robot girls (or both!) because being cute, having some degree of earth-shattering strength, and emotionally detached or unstable, adding in just a bit of drama into one of their lives and you usually have a global or universal crisis. It wasn’t like that in the beginning, of course. Magical girls or robot girls were there at first to bring to order the world’s unjust ways, but somewhere down the line, things turned around and got really crazy.

    This isn’t me being sexist in any way, because if there WERE things where magical boys and/or robot boys where also destructive as a clearly identifiable trope, then I would include that. But these days, magical girls have the power to go back in time or become one with the universe while robot girls with the ability to destroy the world are mass produced. Just add emotional instability and you have yourself a freaking madhouse of human weapons.

    End silly anime/manga rant.

    1. Psionics from D&D 3.5 (I think it’s 3.5 specifically)

    This one also goes to the entire category, in this case psionics, because honestly, it’s freaking ridiculous. Having a psion in a campaign meant that the every single encounter needed to have some sort of superbeast that was resistant or immune to psionics, or else nothing mattered. This is more of a hateful number one slot, because explaining how it works, crunching all of the information and details, and then realizing that I (as the DM) needed to rebalance everything made me flip multiple tables in frustration.

    “I spent all of my power points into one attack to do 30d6 damage, and then we rest so we can do it again tomorrow.”

    God dammit, Wizards of the Coast. Why you do this?

    That last one is probably not done to the spirit of this whole Top Five thing, but I remember really thinking “Damn! Why is this so freaking powerful?” and it’s probably the number one thing I think of when thinking about powerful forces.

  30. Aspiring Spambot on

    I was thinking about this Top Five over lunch today. Most of my weapon choices would probably line up with at least one of the weapons each of you chose. However, I’d like to add in one that I haven’t even really though about in a while: The weaponized Uni-Mind from the surprisingly good direct-to-video cash in, Buzz Lightyear of Star Command.

    The Uni-Mind started out as the central server for the hivemind of the squeaky aliens, which may or may not have received a proper species name for this movie. Once Emperor Zerg got his hands on it, he turned it into a weapon capable of attuning every living thing on a planet to his evil will. What could possibly be more dangerous than a weapon capable of turning a nation into an empire in a single shot?

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