Here’s the part where everything starts to go blooey.

NOTE: If you are not up to date on the story, the first two novels have been run in their entirety at
The Transformation of Lawrence Croft:
Chance of a Lifetime:

One in a Million – Chapter 7

The Die is Cast

Turk feverishly worked the key and lock on his door as if he were being followed by the secret police. He slammed the door, oblivious to the furious cane-tapping through the walls that ensued from his elderly neighbors. He ran across the hardwood floor, kicking off his shoes and yanking off his dirty, sweat-stained t-shirt. He skidded around the doorway to his bedroom and vaulted into his computer chair.

Refresh, wake up, come on, he thought, as he wiggled the mouse. His homepage was now Rhonda’s website. She was online, chatting away.

He logged into the chat program and immediately sent her a private message: “Hey Beautiful.”
Onscreen, she looked to her left and he saw her eyes light up and she smiled. Seconds later: “Hello yourself, Handsome.”

Turk typed: “Don’t get your hopes up. I could be horribly disfigured.”

TheRHONDA: Hmmm…I don’t think so. I think you’re better looking than you think you are.

TrancersFan: You’re just being nice. When I finally get to see you in person, it will have to be out of my one good eye. The one in the center of my sloped forehead.


Turk paused, his fingers over the keyboard. What would Crash Davis say next?

TrancersFan: So, is this going to happen? You and me?

TheRHONDA: I don’t know TF. I may be a real disappointment to you. There’s an expression out there, Distance Lends Enchantment.

TrancersFan: I know you better than you think.

TheRHONDA: Oh rly? Been stalking me?

TheRHONDA: You’re not the only one thats been snooping.

Turk’s heart did a little barrel roll. Did she know? How could she, really? After all this time, was it possible? He remembered the look she gave him at D.J.’s house not two hours ago. It was the only time during the whole day she’s favored him with a glance, much less a stare. He typed:
TrancersFan: I thought about you all day today. It felt like you were in the same room with me.

TheRHONDA: Mmmm, good imagination. Powerful stuff.

TrancersFan: I want to make this happen.

TheRHONDA: You and me?

TrancersFan: Yes. You and me. Tell me what you want.

Again, Turk paused. This would either be creepy or romantic, and he had absolutely no idea which way that ball would bounce. At the bottom of the screen, the prompt said “TheRHONDA is typing…”

Turk quickly added:
TrancersFan: There is nothing I wouldn’t do for one night with you. I’ll build a temple out of my adoration, a ship out of my devotion. Anything that brings us together. Just one night. That’s all I’m asking for.


Rhonda stared at the words. On the main screen, the boys were tripping over themselves to get her attention. Some of the overtures were little more than grunted commands, but a couple of her minions had some skills. And then it hit her. The pieces fell into place all at once and suddenly, her salvation was at hand.

She typed:
TheRHONDA: You know what? That’s a great idea. I think I’ll take you up on it.

TrancersFan: Really????

TheRHONDA: Only lets make it a little more interesting for you.

Rhonda turned on her mic and stared directly into the camera. She hit her “Record” button, waited for the light to come on, and then she flashed a dazzling smile. “Okay, my minions, listen up. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. I’m offering one of you the chance for one night with me.

That’s right, one night with me. No strings, and no guarantees. But we’ll meet face-to-face, and you’ll get the chance to be Internet-famous as the man who won me for the night. All you have to do is impress me. Make me believe you love me. I want you to build me a temple and worship me in it. And I will reward only the most devoted one of you with this…”

Rhonda slowly unbuttoned her shirt, and then teased her bra clasp with her fingers. “Get my meaning?” She glanced at her calendar and said, “Okay, in two weeks, it’ll be a full moon.” I will make my decision on that day. So get cracking, my minions.” She leaned forward and put on her best cheesecake face. “One of you is going to be my future lover, lover.”

She turned her camera off, and then typed into the chat window:

TheRHONDA: Okay, sport, theres your chance.

TrancersFan: Not quite what I had in mind.

TrancersFan: But I am not scared. I will have you.

TheRHONDA: We’ll just see about that, won’t we? Okay, I’m going to shower.

TrancersFan: Can I watch?

TheRHONDA: Not tonight. But…maybe soon.

Rhonda logged off and then got up, stretched, and made her usual sashay into the bathroom. The steam from the shower quickly fogged up her bathroom cam, and she was able to soap up, and also to relieve all of the pent-up tension that came with tweaking Fred, in one fell swoop.

Meanwhile, on Sno-ConeGirl dot com, the counter that indicated she’d picked up new subscribers started to move, climbing in clumps of three, four and five until it resembled a the second hand on a digital stopwatch.

The Author

Mark Finn

Mark Finn

Mark Finn is an award-winning author, playwright and essayist who is active in Robert E Howard studies. His biography, Blood & Thunder: the Life and Art of Robert E Howard was nominated for a World Fantasy award, and will be re-released in an updated second printing later this month. His comic books SCOUTS! Premeires in March from Ape Entertainment.

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1 Comment

  1. The Great NateO
    January 19, 2012 at 8:11 pm — Reply

    Ok Mark, you have nailed it. Women are pure evil playing their game, and we would not want it any other way.

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