CLOCKWORK STORYBOOK: The Guns… They’ve Started Again

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or, Trash Talkin’ 2: The Justus Boogaloo

Though we haven’t seen samples from all of those participating in the Clockwork Storybook 30 Day Writing Challenge, the stories are indeed being written.  Dave Justus is participating in the event, and it seems he’s in a bit of a lull today, and to generate some creative juices, and to get some smack talk going, he’s penned new bios for the Clockwork Storybook authors.

Beware kids, it gets messy.

Although there hasn’t been a new issue of Marc Andreyko’s Manhunter on the shelves since early 2009, DC still cancels the book every few months, out of sheer force of habit. His contribution to the recent Bruce Wayne: The Road Home storyline was an autobiographical comic in which the hero takes on seven men. Marc is an endless source of off-color jokes, foremost among which is his career.

Mark Finn has convincingly pretended to be a mentally impaired individual. No one who’s read his work could doubt it for a second. Mark has become a major presence in the field of Robert E. Howard research, in much the same way that the guy who’s legally obligated to introduce himself door-to-door becomes a major presence in his new neighborhood.

The ten years between Daryl Gregory’s first short story sale and his second one were spent with him typing at what he’s called “the fastest pace I can imagine.” His protagonists are often author stand-ins, so anyone following his career trajectory will be unsurprised that his latest novel stars a walking dead man. Daryl spends his mornings writing code, his evenings writing fiction, and his whole life yelling at glaciers to “slow the fuck down.”

Dave Justus. That guy’s pretty cool.

Matthew Sturges broke into comics as co-writer of Jack of Fables, on the strength of his solid storytelling, durable kneepads, and almost nonexistent gag reflex. His novel Midwinter has been called “the Dirty Dozen with elves,” referring not to the plot but to the BookScan sales figures. Matt is the writer of such DC and Vertigo comics as JSA: All Canceled and House of I Wasn’t Aware That Book Even Existed.

When it comes to the comics industry, Bill Williams is a star… an overeager but underemployable porn star. By which I mean, he’s come at it from all directions but never penetrated deeply. He is a meticulous researcher, but ever since his Richie Rich writing gig ended, it’s kind of creepy that he’s still hanging around playgrounds and taking notes on little blond boys.

Sean E. Williams worked for over a decade in Hollywood, until he got too old to convince people in the alley behind the Hard Rock Cafe that he was that red-headed Grint kid from the Harry Potter movies. The first book in his SF novel series was so good that the publishers asked him to sit the next one out. Professionally, he always uses his middle initial, which is short for Sean “Eh, this issue of Fairest isn’t by Willingham, Beukes, or Roberson, so you’re probably better off buying the new Tarot instead” Williams.

Bill Willingham is a repository of incredible life experience, drawing upon his love of folklore, his Army stint, and his time as a Vegas cardsharp to create comics about centaurs with ginormous boners. He once wrote and drew a comic entitled Elementals Sex Special and yet somehow manages to fall asleep without crying most nights. Bill has spent the last decade blatantly ripping off the brand-new ABC TV series Once Upon a Time.

Mighty harsh words… time to use the comment section to post your replies, reactions, and of course, questions for these fine authors.