Parody has spawned some successful properties, for example, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Lorna is a Trailer Trash Tomb Raider Parody, and it wholeheartedly owns up to this fact, with tongue firmly planted in cheek. But, does this One Shot of Lorna become a National Treasure? Or is it a Temple of Doom?

Note: This book arrives March 23, 2011, so SPOILERS AHEAD!

Lorna, Relic Wrangler One Shot
Writer: Micah S. Harris
Artists: Loston Wallace, Michael Youngblood, and Olli Hihnala
Colors: Steve Downer
Letters: Nate Pride
Covers: Darwyn Cooke, Dean Yeagle
Publisher: Image Comics
Cover Price: $3.99 USD

Previously, in Lorna, Relic Wrangler: Well since this is the first widely published work of Lorna, other than a convention ashcan not much more to know other than she wears Daisy Duke shorts, and has semi-comical adventures while hunting down artifacts.


The first of three stories in this One Shot deals with Lorna being trained by a leader of the Inner Council, a Fraternal Order like the Shriners, that wear Fez’s(“Fez’s are cool”, so says the 11th Doctor), with what appears to be the “Madman” symbol on them. Lorna’s training consists of running through this clearly Rural Southern environment, in order to prepare her for fetching the Capstone on top of the Washington Monument, which contains powerful mystical properties. With the return of Lorna’s longtime rival, Posh, who is now a British Relic Wrangler herself, Lorna’s troubles seem to be hiking up, along with shorts.

The smell of cheesecake comes wafting in after only the first two panels. It’s something that I have evolved past, through out the first story it felt like there was a inside joke told, and I wasn’t apart of the inner circle. Lorna’s watchers, the Inner Council, are perverted men, who spy on their Wrangler, and get kicks out of her bending over, and showing the strap of her thong. The characterization for them, and Lorna, is juvenile at best, and completely disconcerting at worst. The tone of the comic was sexist, with Lorna fawning over “Riverdale” George Clooney, her trainer Mr. Vernon, like a ditzy pig-tailed school girl, and I for one, don’t truck with that.

The first story, “One Nation…UNDER CHAOS!” is a insipid tale that owes it’s genesis to the equally insipid movie, “National Treasure”, with the premise that the layout of Washington, D.C. was designed for occult purposes. It feels like a short story that got too big for it’s britches, and in result the story staggers, but that’s the least of it’s problems. There is no real motivation for why Lorna is going to get the Mystical monumental Cap Stone. Instead of motivation, or characterization that’s not reminiscent of a horny 14 year olds mind, we get four pages of what turns out to be unnecessary back story, of why Lorna and Posh are the archest of rivals, and how Posh pulled a “Tonya Harding” on Lorna when they were in school, by having her kneecapped. Those pages could have been used for actually showing chaos, instead of redundant back story page, after page.

As for the other two stories presented within the One Shot, we get “Buffet Bar of the Bizarre”, and “Doo-Buddy”. Both tales delve into a young Lorna’s past, where she encounters groping customers as a waitress, dead men who will allow you to sell your soul for a chance at fortune, and playing the dating game with freaks of nature. Both tales are noticeably different tonally to the first tale, almost to a degree that it could be another writer, but it’s not, the sexist overtone rears its ugly head once more, without hesitation. The only tale that was remotely engrossing was the “Doo-Buddy” tale, who’s title is one of the least appealing titles for a story I have heard of. It tackles the supernatural head on, but with way the characters are written, I found myself shaking my head out of disbelief, rather than having my eyes glued to the page out of shear entertainment.


The artwork within the One Shot is provided by three different artists, and each one is more drastic than the other. The art on the “One Nation…UNDER CHAOS” story is that of Loston Wallace. Who, coming from working in the fields of Warner Bros. animation, on such properties as Batman: The Animated Series, has a style that is very Bruce Timm. Having a style that is not only a echo of more recognizable artist, but a mirage of it can really backfire, reminding you of how the original artist could have done it better. It’s the same analogy for why in a bad movie, don’t mention titles such as “Citizen Kane”.

While illustrating the action scenes, the angular proportions of Lorna, and the other characters was awkward, and to the degree that you could use Lorna’s knee to cut a wedge of cheese. When a being of immense evil, beyond space and time(and it’s not Great Cthulhu, Praise be to his name) appears, it snares our heroine Lorna with it’s dripping tentacles. It’s supposed to be a Tentacle Porn joke, and the monster is almost laughable, and not in the good way, it seems as if the artist gave up in trying to design the monster, or maybe this falls back upon the writer.

The artwork of the “Buffet Bar of the Bizarre”, and “Doo-Buddy” tales that back up the main tale, are in their own separate worlds. The “Buffet Bar…” tale, has artwork by Olli Hihnala, and though this is the shortest of the three it’s probably the best illustrated, the artwork by Mr. Hihnala reminds me of Rick Veitch, if viewed through a watercolor perspective. The artwork for the “Doo-Buddy” tale was produced by Michael Youngblood, and it’s probably the weakest of the three. The women have very masculine features, their eyes also bug out of their head at least once on every page, the characters feel too ridged in their environment, and look like animated corpses with caked on makeup.

The colors for the first two tales is fine, as for the third tale, the colors are too muddied, muting the artwork in the process, and calling back to the corpses with caked on makeup. Normally the lettering in comics doesn’t bother me, I have seen everything from hand lettered mini-comics, to the Comicraft Fonts you can purchase. But the lettering within this comic was the most distracting I have ever seen, bold words of emphasis went amok in this comic, and moved way past comical, to become simply annoying. Those with whom their eyesight might not be the best, may need to break out a magnifying glass to decipher what the bolded words are, they are too fat and packed too tight, it’s almost as if it’s a little black bar.


Lorna was supposed to look like she crawled out of a trailer park somewhere in the Rural South, an area I know a lot about, that is her gimmick, I get that. But the joke it’s trying to make me laugh at, simply isn’t funny. The characterization wasn’t really there, and when any semblance of it was, I found it to be offensive. There was nothing to contrast the humor with, if the “Inner Council”, the guys with the “Madman” Fez’s, where more sinister, than juvenile, maybe I would have found some of the intended comedic moments actually funny.

On slightly positive note, the two covers to this comic are pretty good, one by Darwyn Cooke, and the other by Dean Yeagle. Both covers have nothing to do with the stories inside, that is something that I don’t care for. I believe a cover should be a coming attraction for what’s inside, build hype of what will happen, the Cooke, “Tentacle Porn Sewer Escape” cover would have been a better place to start, as would the Yeagle, “Escape from the Cave of Incan Zombies” cover. I at one point wanted those stories, but that is gone, like chance at Lorna having any dignity.

Final Verdict, Lorna: Relic Wrangler One Shot receives 1 Star, out of 5.

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

The Author

Larry King

Larry King

It is hard being a King, especially when your first name is Larry. Well, not really. In Larry’s Kingdom the re-imagining “Battlestar Galactica” is superior, “The Wire” is the greatest crime show ever, and “ROM, Spaceknight” is the hero of the realm.

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  1. Blackthunder01
    March 16, 2011 at 1:03 pm — Reply

    I saw the solicites for this long ago and based on the fact that this is a Tomb Raider spoof, the Dean Yeagle cover, and the Batman TAS art style (not to mention being a cheesecake fan), I would actually set foot in a comic store again to buy this. I know it’ll be bad. But I wonder if it’s bad-bad or bad-good. I can suspend my views on sexism if the story is worth it for a laugh. I’m figuring Danger Girl meets after school cartoon.

    What’s the third story about? And the second one is her waitressing..?

    • March 16, 2011 at 3:21 pm — Reply

      Both the second and the third stories are when she is waitressing, but the second is playing the dating game with some sideshow freaks, and the third is about a deal with a “devil”.

      And as always, Your Mileage May Vary.

  2. March 16, 2011 at 2:11 pm — Reply

    Well darn. I ordered this hoping for everything it sounds like I’m not getting. Lesson learned.

    • March 16, 2011 at 2:42 pm — Reply

      Keep in mind your mileage may vary…

    • March 16, 2011 at 3:23 pm — Reply

      You may like this, I am just giving my honest opinion on it.

      Even someone had to like Neil Adams’ SKATEMAN.

      • March 17, 2011 at 11:46 am — Reply

        And that someone is me!

        “What the $#!+ do you care, Pigmeat??”

        Heh. I want that on a t-shirt…

  3. Loston
    March 17, 2011 at 1:17 am — Reply

    I 100% disagree with this review. I just don’t think you got it, or were expecting something different. I feel like it is overly harsh and is unwarranted.

  4. Loston
    March 17, 2011 at 1:28 am — Reply

    A much better review without an axe to grind can be found here:

    LORNA gets an 8.3 out of 10. Just goes to show readers that you should use your own judgement. Opinions on material and subject matter vary widely. Obviously LORNA is not Larry’s cup of tea, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t get something out of it he didn’t. Everyone is certainly entitled to their opinion, but this review is extremely disappointing to read, because LORNA is a fun and entertaining book that a lot of people worked very hard on. It’s tongue and cheek, humor. Yes–it won’t be for everyone. I really get that. I just urge you to give it a chance, folks. So very sorry that you didn’t enjoy it, Larry. I truly wish you had.

    • Blackthunder01
      March 17, 2011 at 7:10 am — Reply

      I don’t think one review is better than the other since a review is basically an opinion and each are uniqely true to the writer. While Larry King’s taste and mine often do not go hand in hand, I respect his honesty in reviewing the book. I do have to admit feeling like he was instantly put off by the cheesecake aspect of the book though. I have my own reasons for taking interest in this title, however, and will probably do so despite any review or comment made. While Larry seems put off, you come off as rather off putting.

    • March 17, 2011 at 11:33 am — Reply

      LORNA gets an 8.3 out of 10. Just goes to show readers that you should use your own judgement.

      Welcome to Major Spoilers, where one of our key recommendations is “Mileage May Vary.” All reviews are inherently biased. We presume that the Faithful Spoilerites will recognize this, as they are, on the whole, intelligent people who make their own decisions about the quality of the works we discuss, and engage in spirited discussion about same. Mr. King does not seem to have an “axe to grind,” and the example from that other site (and I won’t even get into my opinions about the rudeness of linking to competing sites in the middle of our show here) might be a stronger one if not for the fact that their lowest review grade in use seems to be a 7.0.

      In any case, I hope you have as much fun making it as people have reading it.

  5. March 17, 2011 at 4:50 am — Reply

    Hmmm… I wonder if Loston’s passive-aggressive “axe to grind” comments betray that he/she is probably on the creative team… Nah, that never happens on the internet.

    It sounds like a classic case of a funny cheesecake book gone wrong because the humor skews too juvenile. I’m sure it’ll be fine for guys (or gals) who just want to ogle a pretty girl, but Larry’s review (as well as the “balanced” one) make it sound as if story & even the “jokes” were an afterthought to the cheesecake. Having someone come to defend it with a pseudo-martyr attitude trying to portray Larry King as someone with some vicious agenda (if you’ve heard his reviews on the podcast, you know that’s far from the case) and fail to mask that they are no doubt involved with the creation of this failure is only a further decider.

    Between this review, the “good” review (which is fittingly shallow & seemed to be written using his lower head), and Loston’s “OMG ur picking on meeee” antics, I will be amply avoiding and advising anyone with a brain to do likewise.

  6. March 17, 2011 at 8:03 am — Reply

    As long as I get the Darwyn cover, it’s not a total loss.

  7. Antonio Rocha
    March 20, 2011 at 12:57 pm — Reply

    Wow, Larry, this one started a fire!! :)
    I didn’t read it, only saw some art by Loston Wallace on a website. I like Loston’s art, even if this is not my cup of tea, and I can understand his frustation with the review, but the comments posted here with his name don’t look like were typed by the some guy I know from other internet places. He’s in my book as a good guy and a good artist.
    That being said, I don’t think Larry wanted to attack anyone, he’s just being honest and giving his opinion, and he never says for people not to buy it. I’ll try to read it and see if I agree or disagree with Larry.

  8. Paul
    March 30, 2011 at 4:06 pm — Reply

    I don’t think this review is valid, because it didn’t praise the scrumtrelecent pinup by the amazing Paul Maybury.

    Sorry guys.

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