REVIEW: Superman XXX: A Porn Parody

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The fast and furious assault of pornographic parodies of some of our beloved franchises has been hitting us hard (pun intended) over the last couple of years. Everything from The Simpsons XXX, to Grey’s Anatomy XXX, and recently Batman XXX, which won an award have come to DVD for your home viewing pleasure. Vivid Entertainment released Superman XXX: A Porn Parody a few weeks ago, and I finally got my hands on it (pun intended).

SUPERMAN XXX: A PORN PARODY
Writer/Director: Axel Braun
Superman: Ryan Driller
Lois Lane: Andy San Dimas
Lex Luthor: Eric Masterson
Miss Teschmacher: Alexis Texas
General Zod: Ben English
Ursa: Zoe Voss
Jimmy Olsen: James Deen
Jor-El: Dale DaBone
Company: Vivid XXX Superheroes

A PORN PARODY BY ANY OTHER NAME IS STILL PORN

I wanna get this out of the way right now – If you like seeing people having sex, then you’ve probably watched an adult feature or two in your day. If you haven’t, and you are offended by the mere thought that people make a living getting it on for your pleasure, you better just hit the Back Button and move on to something more interesting on this site for which I have been allowed to share my thoughts. Though I have seen millions of scenes and have connections to the industry (Hi Uncle Phil!), the allure of naked skin on skin action still gets the blood pumping. That being said, at the end of the day, Superman XXX: A Porn Parody is a movie about people fucking.

Don’t worry, that’s the last time I’ll use such crude and harsh language, but it’s best to remove all doubt about what this movie is and what it isn’t.

As a parody, Superman XXX takes the Richard Donner films and tweaks them just a little, combining some elements from the films and throwing in a healthy dose of sex along the way. Viewers get to see Dale DaBone as Jor-El sentencing Zod and his posse to the Negative Zone, and like the ’78 film, Lex Luthor threatens to destroy Metropolis with a couple of cruise missiles (or so I’ve heard, I wasn’t born until ’82). While everyone is fearing the end of the world, Superman saves the day, without having to spin the Earth backwards or losing Lois to a crack in the ground.

The second half of the film features General Zod’s escape from the Negative Zone and arriving on Earth. Superman ends up defeating the trio, and though there is a fight scene (look at all the thrown punches), the battle ends quickly, and there isn’t a piece of red cellophane to be seen. Sadly, the movie ends after Superman and Lois express their love, with Lex looking on – another plot quickly forming in his chrome dome.

THE ACTS

If you really wanna know the breakdown of who does who and how often, here’s the breakdown of the scenes

  1. Lexi Belle, Evan Stone and Alec Knight get it on in the cockpit of a plane
  2. Kristina Rose (secretary) and James Deen (Jimmy Olsen) make sure their final moments on Earth are memorable
  3. Alexis Texas (Miss Teschmacher) and Eric Masterson (Lex Luthor)
  4. Andy San Dimas (Lois Lane), Zoe Voss (Ursa), Ben English (Zod), and Dick Chibbles (Non) – and yes, “Kneel before Zod” does mean exactly that.
  5. Andy San Dimas (Lois Lane) and Ryan Driller (Superman) close out the show

I’m not going into a critique of how the men and women look or perform the act in this movie. Everyone has something they like and dislike in this industry (I’ve been told Stephen has a thing for Charmane Star, while Matthew is a fan of Sasha Grey). Ultimately, it’s going to be your desire to see these stars perform that will drive you to the film.

ACTING

If you are watching a movie like this for the acting, I’m guessing you are the same person who likes to read Playboy for the articles. However, there are a few moments of brilliance in the acting department. Ben English chews the scenery as General Zod, and his over acting is a joy to watch. The other is the brief Dale DaBone scene at the beginning, where the actor plays Jor-El very well. He’s not channeling Brando, but he is believable.

When I think of parody, I think of laughter, and there are plenty of laughs in this movie. Not because things fall apart or that scenes are bad – there are simply some good comedy moments. Everything with Zod and Non is a riot, and the gimmick of Clark Kent trying to find a closet to change brings a smile to the face.

THE NON-PORN VERSION

Like Batman XXX: A Porn Parody before it, Superman XXX: A Porn Parody also includes a Non-Sex Feature version of the film that has all of the sex removed. Though he sex has been removed, the narrative and editing still allows for plenty of naked bodies. With all the sex removed, the 2 hour movie is reduced to approximately 25 minutes.

While it is easy for the adult film industry to go down the inexpensive path when it comes to production quality, I appreciate that Vivid took the time to throw in a number of special effects, including rigging Ryan Driller and Andy San Dimas up to flying harnesses for a couple of days, and dragging out costumes from the time period to sell the Donner parody further. Heck, Axel Braun even rented the fuselage from one of those airplane disaster movies (Airport ’77 I think) for the opening scene of the film. That extra time and money spent to create a story is appreciated.

BOTTOM LINE: SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE

There was a lot of discussion at the Major Spoilers HQ over who would be allowed to review this movie, or if it should be allowed at all. I’m glad I’ve had the chance to share my thoughts on the film, but, at the end of the day, it’s difficult to recommend a porno to your friends. Either they are going to look at what you’ve given them and instantly know all your perverse kinks, or they are going to run away in horror at the thought that their friend would actually watch something like this. Superman XXX: The Porn Parody is a parody – it does poke at the Superman movies, and it looks like everyone is enjoying themselves. Vivid has a number of other XXX Parodies on the way but for now, I’m giving Superman XXX: A Porn Parody 3.5 out of 5 Stars. I would have liked to have seen more closure to the story – hell, I would have liked to have seen more story, but I think there is something for everyone here.

Rating: ★★★½☆