Breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day (or so they say).  When it comes to coma inducing, pancreas killing, sugar filled cereal, none fill that Saturday morning need to get wound up at 5:00 AM than Cap’n Crunch and Count Chocula.  If the two were tossed into a ring, and forced to duke it out over the fate of your very soul – who would emerge victorious?


POW! Cereal Killer Edition: Who would win in a fight?

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  1. Brian
    November 2, 2010 at 10:30 am — Reply

    Isn’t there a web comic based on this idea?

    • Horatio Thundercloud
      November 2, 2010 at 11:43 am — Reply

      Yes, breakfast of the gods. it’s actually a pretty fun little web comic and it’ll make your next trip down the cereal isle much more interesting

      • November 2, 2010 at 6:03 pm — Reply

        Breakfast of the Gods is fantastic, and this is THE match-up of the story…It’s less of a one-on-one and more the marshaling of forces in an epic battle of good vs evil.


        The Count has some pretty nasty henchmen but I’m sure the forces of good will win in then end.

        That all said in the Count vs Cap’n match-up it’s the Count all the way.

  2. Doctor Sleepless
    November 2, 2010 at 10:37 am — Reply

    Cap’n Crunch, he has combat experience you know.
    Besides Chokula is nothing but a pampered Aristocrat.

    (Death to the vampires be they sparkly, delicious or both)

  3. November 2, 2010 at 10:43 am — Reply

    I have to give it to the Cap’n. He is a salty dog, unlike the dainty Count. Also I have a sneeking feeling that Cap’n would ram the bow of his ship into the black heart of Chocula.

  4. Spaceboots
    November 2, 2010 at 10:50 am — Reply

    Captain Crunch would win as long as he has time to prepare. Any trick that Chocula might pull would rely on trickery and vampire sneakiness, not brute strength. You’re basically asking who would win in a fight: Batman or the Joker?

    Aside, Count Chocula is a really stupid premise for a character to sell chocolate. He sucks the chocolate out of you, so if you don’t want to get bitten by Count Chocula, don’t eat chocolate!

  5. Brian G.
    November 2, 2010 at 10:56 am — Reply

    I have to give this one to the immortal who currently sits at the table of Springfield’s Republican Party with Mr. Burns. Count Chocula. Besides, when the going gets tough, Chocula can call upon the help of Franken Berry, Boo Berry, and (the lesser known) Fruit Brute to kick the Cap’n right in his crunch berries.

    • Venomous Duck
      November 2, 2010 at 11:09 am — Reply

      Don’t forget Fruity Yummy Mummy!

  6. diagnull
    November 2, 2010 at 11:59 am — Reply

    OK, have to go Cap’n here. Beside the fact that he’s a military man, Cap’n Crunch is a man of action. He’s always out and about, adventuring and so forth.

    All I remember Count Chocula doing is sitting in his castle. Maybe Franken Berry is there. That’s it. They don’t *DO* anything though.

    Cap’n for the win.


  7. Slappy
    November 2, 2010 at 12:48 pm — Reply

    I still enjoy eating Cap’n Crunch, but in a fight it would be the Count.

    He’s a Vampire you silly humans. Do you really believe the fiction of being able to kill a vampire?

    Mortal fools.

  8. Ricco
    November 2, 2010 at 7:01 pm — Reply

    Cap, his cereal has so much sugar that it’s more addcitive then crack! I have no doubt that he call forth an army of junkie children to be his army.

  9. Wiglaf Smith
    November 2, 2010 at 8:06 pm — Reply

    The Count. He has a monster crew to back him up. Though the captain could make the roof of his mouth bleed, and he does have a sweet ride.

  10. Antonio Sanciolo
    November 2, 2010 at 8:06 pm — Reply

    Didn’t vote.
    These don’t exist outside of the United States of Amerika.
    I couldn’t tell you a single thing about either brand.

  11. Scott m.
    November 2, 2010 at 8:27 pm — Reply

    Cap’n would put up a good fight. If his cereal can cut the roof of your mouth think of what it would do to your face. But the Count is a vamp so I think he would win.

  12. Spaceboots
    November 2, 2010 at 9:04 pm — Reply

    It’s always a little bit weird to posit a death match in which one of the combatants is immortal. Captain Crunch could win every fight in the day, only to have Chocula rematerialize later. But like all vampires, there has to be a way to finish off Chocula for good. (Chocolate stake through the heart? Or what’s the opposite of chocolate? Celery? A celery stake through the heart. Or maybe some kind of toothbrush, floss, or listerine, although that might also be Kryptonite to Crunch.) As long as Crunch can incapacitate Chocula, all he has to do is find the coffin and body, and figure out how to stake it.

  13. Smoothesuede
    November 3, 2010 at 6:20 am — Reply

    Giving it to the Cap’n.
    He’s got the tactical advantage of being an experienced pirate. He’ll wave torches around at bats, he’ll unwrap mummies, he’ll make Frankenberry feel wanted!

    The Count’s got nothing but intimidation and trickery. He’d nab any mere man, but a pirate captain? Don’t think so.

  14. Brian G.
    November 3, 2010 at 7:17 am — Reply

    I just want to point out something of an observation for me. Does anyone else remember how Cap’n Crunch could never park his boat unless it was through someone’s living room wall or other personal property? I don’t think the old guy knows how to drive.

    • Damascus
      November 29, 2010 at 2:46 am — Reply

      That never stopped Mr. Magoo or the Kool-Aid guy.

  15. Damascus
    November 29, 2010 at 2:48 am — Reply

    I went with Cap’n on this one, I wouldn’t want to be Count Chocula when Cap’n pulls up to the side and blasts him with a cannon full of Crunch Berries.

    • Damascus
      November 29, 2010 at 2:50 am — Reply

      Plus, Cap’n at least offers us some Oops All Berries, I’ve never seen Count Chocula offer up some Only Marshmallows.

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