Ten robots that could kick the Terminator’s ass all the time, every time…really!


The big Terminator movie hits theaters this weekend, and it prompted the Major Spoilers Crew to sit back and think about our impending doom.  Today, we thought we’d present to you, Dear Reader, the definitive list of robots and androids who could actually bring down the T-800 series.    It’s a scientifically calculated list that can not be challenged, due to the intense nature of the work that went into making this list a reality (we said with tongue firmly in cheek).

10.  V.I.C.I.

She’s a robot that looks like a real 10-year old girl!  Turn her loose on a T-800, and the human killing machine just might take its own life to get away from the small wonder. The only way the Terminator series could take down this pint-sized robot is if one of them hit the On/Off switch conveniently located on the top of her head.

9.  R2-D2

If it can get close enough, the never ending array of gadgets and gizmos on the R2 unit can be used to dismantle the T-800 in seconds.  Plus, R2-D2 is one cold muther-effer.  Did you see how he just let his comrades get blown up real good in Episode One?  The cold hearted bastard quietly went about his work, while his fellow astro-droids died around him.

8.  Wolverine

Okay, so he’s not a robot, but we figured since he’s overexposed everywhere else, he might as well show up in our robot list to boost sales.

What?  We’re not selling anything?*

Well damn…

8.  Sentinels

It’s a stretch, as the T-800s aren’t really mutants, so there will have to be some reprogramming going on, but once that is finished… oh wait… we’d be dead by then.  Moving on…

7.  Yul Brenner, Gunslinger

The steely-eyed android tormented park attendees in Westworld, and while no one will come out and say the Gunslinger didn’t inspire the Arnold looking non-stop killing machine, put a Terminator against a Gunslinger and you’re going to see a heck of a slugfest. While the Westworld androids won’t back down from a fight, offer them a glass of water to drink, and watch the sparks fly.

6. Robocop

Half man, half machine, Alex Murphy has the inside track on what it takes to take down a human, or a machine… or a half-man/half-machine… or, as well like to call them -Manchines.  Regardless of what you call him, give Murphy an unending supply of bullets, a torque boost, and a catchy phrase as he wipes the floor with the T-800, and humanity is saved from certain annihilation.

5.  VINcent

Like R2, VINcent can take down any opponent providing he can get close enough to use his built in whisk blender.  Plus he can survive going through a black hole.

Don’t believe us?  Just watch Disney’s The Black Hole, starring Ernest Borgnine, and Roddy McDowall.  No wait.  We like you too much to subject you to that much torture.  Just trust us.  VINcent rocks balls.

4. Cylons

We’re talking the Cylon Centurion and Raider models, not the tasty but fragile Grace Park version pictured above.  While hundreds of thousands of T-800s might be marching across the charred landscape, millions of Raiders and Centurions would wipe Skynet and it robits out in an hour once their inhibitors were removed.

3.  Bender Rodriguez

He’s a bender.  More specifically a Bending-Unit 22.  He bends things.  Even things marked UN-BENDABLE.  He’s survived molten lava, the exhaust of the Planet Express ship, gunfire, and the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.  The Terminator doesn’t stand a chance.  Unless of course the T-800 up against Gender Bender, then everyone will have a good laugh as we die horrible deaths.

2.  Ultron

The Terminators may seem unstoppable, as they’re always coming back in the final minutes of the film to give the audience one more scare, before succumbing to a final blast to the head, but Ultron is a robot that takes a licking and keeps on ticking.  This is mostly due to the whim of the writer, and the fact that comic book deaths are never really final, but for this list we’re going to credit an adamantium shell, and concussion blasts.  The T-800 series can pound away all day without making a dent, while a few concussion blasts from Ultron will topple the Terminator army in a few minutes.

Personally, if humanity is going to be killed by a murderous robot, I’d rather be taken down by a sexy Wasp inspired Ultron, than some skeleton horror that is the T-800.

1.  Optimus Prime

Stomp.  Enough said.  And then after the fight is over, he will turn into a bitchin’ semi so you can all drive off into the sunset together.

There you go.  Ten robots, all more powerful than the Terminator.  If you question our scientific method, we’re now going to break it down for you:

“Quick, we need 10 robots that could take down the Terminator!”

“T-800, or 1000 series?”

“Uh… 800?”

“How scientific do you want the match up to be?”

“We’re a comic book and pop culture site, not Popular Mechanics, moron.”

“Ah, so we are going for link baiting and page views, then?”

“Might as well jump on the same bandwagon as every other website this week”

One case of Full Throttle later, and we have our list.

*we actually do sell advertising, and with our exponential growth, now is the time to get in on the ground floor.